I've been meaning to write for a while. I'm in that space where I haven't been posting on instagram either. There's so much to say. And. I don't know. Too much. It's after midnight. I should be going to sleep. And I hate posting on these days because Friday is a kindness post and Sunday…
Random.
Today was a calmer day. Used less cocodamol. Swept a bit the mess I made last night with what I did. Ate too much (for what I feel I should eat. Honestly I'm also grateful I ate more than I wanted to). Not sure how come I've used less but I did. Tried to get…
Can I put myself first?
I've written about this before, I think. A friend who is struggling wants a lift today. It would take 2 - 3 hours of my time. I have the time. This morning was tough and I didn't have the headspace. I knew I didn't have the headspace. As a side note I just curled up…
Random thoughts
I don't know if I should write this or not. But it's probably better to than thinking about it. Just a lot of thoughts coming together to create a picture. Yesterday I was telling my sister that my parents should have known I was physically sensitive. I didn't know this until a couple weeks ago…
Am I to blame?
Blaming. It's always easier to blame oneself or another. Blaming gives a feeling of control so that if I can attribute a to x then I'm in control. I'm dizzy. I'm blaming, or was, myself for it. I was dizzy and had already run the bath. I thought that maybe I shouldn't have a bath…
Looking back over 2019. 2020 – well, here we are.
A year ago Simon wrote a letter to himself in a years time, and I copied the idea (where's this years letter Si?). I just read the letter I wrote to myself to be read in 2020, and my plan for the past year. It makes me both nostalgic, and appreciate what is right now.…
Thinking about using.
Why did I use? To destroy myself. I had to get rid of myself and the way to do so was through playing with the edge. Why did I escape? Because of the guilt. I escaped with everything and anything. A lot innocuous. I never lived in the world. I was never present. Coz of…
Make a life for yourself.
I start in the middle of sentences. I'm teaching my students to start at the beginning, yet it's something I don't do. I had a plan for this post. Then another plan. Now another plan. So I've no clue yet which of the three I'll write about. Last night I was on the phone to…
Who comes first?
Who comes first? I wonder. Last night, actually 2 days ago, AG texted me that she'd love to go out. AG is someone I was talking about once on here, someone who will ask me to be there when she needs me. Who I will give my time to. The last time I went out…
Journey to life 