Blaming. It’s always easier to blame oneself or another. Blaming gives a feeling of control so that if I can attribute a to x then I’m in control.

I’m dizzy. I’m blaming, or was, myself for it. I was dizzy and had already run the bath. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t have a bath and then decided that I had already run it and planned on coating myself with Dead Sea mud and should just. I’ve had baths often recently and it’s always been okay. So I decided to have a bath.

That was a bad idea. It was okay when I was having the bath. Getting up I was dizzy. I sat on the floor of the bathroom leaning against the bathtub for a while. Went back in the shower to clean.myself up when I couldn’t really but wasn’t going to spin any longer. And yes, I’m still dizzy. Even though it took me half an hour to put pjs on. I’m in bed now and still slightly dizzy.

It’s easy to say I was stupid. Which I was doing earlier. I’m not stupid. I made a legitimate mistake. Saying I’m stupid and shouldn’t have done that puts the responsibility for the dizziness on me. And gives me some feeling of control. When, it isn’t my fault. This dizziness used to be constant and I’m so grateful it isn’t. There was a time I didn’t have baths for I wouldn’t risk the dizziness getting up in a bath. I haven’t had to do that in a while and although I could have chosen not to I didn’t know it would make me spin so much, and that’s okay.

Blaming is easy. Blaming is way easier than realising this is just the reality with no cause. This just is, and all there is, is accepting it, being grateful for the good, and moving on.

I find blaming myself easier. For everything. My natural response – learned response – is guilt, blame, and taking responsibility for everyone (but myself). Blame is easier. And it’s not the way I want to live my life. It’s not the way I’m choosing to live my life. I’m choosing another way. The way of love. And acceptance.

Random aside. I haven’t seen some bloggers I follows posts in a long time. I don’t think it’s just that they haven’t posted – so many haven’t posted?? – so until I figure it out, I’m thinking of you all and sending sunshine, sparkles, love, light, and of course some glitter…


31 thoughts on “Am I to blame?

  1. “The next time you lose heart and you can’t bear to experience what you’re feeling, you might recall this instruction: change the way you see it and lean in. Instead of blaming our discomfort on outer circumstances or on our own weakness, we can choose to stay present and awake to our experience, not rejecting it, not grasping it, not buying the stories that we relentlessly tell ourselves. This is priceless advice that addresses the true cause of suffering—yours, mine, and that of all living beings. ”
    ~ Pema Chodron

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sympathies on bath dizziness, it’s pretty rubbish isn’t it? I get that such a lot too, though no need for blame others than always MS related. I used to love a scorching hot bath but those days are over and when I’m feeling weak I have to cut it short and lay in the bed for about half an hour until I have stopped spinning. I’m sorry you get that too.
    As for the missing bloggers, I’ve noticed the same so either we follow the same people or WordPress is quiet in February!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Yeah, I forgot about it. I’m pretty much always careful when having a bath nit to lie down too much and I shower without standing. But that’s the normal and not when I’m dizzy. I’m grateful that I can have baths!
      I wonder… some people we do follow and some I just can’t find. But I also miss posts often coz I’m great at doing that too, so, dunno…
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

            1. As of now my app.
              I don’t get notifications on my phone for anything. I see in the bell place on the app, or when on my laptop in the right corner.


              1. On the app, go to the far left hand side W site button
                Then click DASHBOARD (at the bottom)
                Once there you need to select from the top left menu and go down to WP Admin

                From there you have a huge list and you’ll see ‘blogs I follow’

                This will lead you to a link you can click where you can see all the people you follow.

                By each name you have a settings wheel, if you click that you can muck about with notifications

                (Might be worth also checking your phone notification settings allows ‘badge’ notifications on WP.


                Liked by 1 person

                1. I’ll check. What are badge notifications? That may be what I disabled… it’ll be cool to get in my list of things new posts, although sometimes comments or likes I haven’t seen ate marked read…

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Badge notifications show on the app icon the number of new notifications on WordPress, before you’ve clicked on it.
                    Least that’s how it is with my iPhone.
                    I think you might have to choose each person individually to actually get their new posts sent to notifications though? I know I did…

                    Liked by 1 person

                    1. I chose each person and managed to unfollow some blogs in the process and can’t recall the exact names…. but other than that we will see what happens! Thanks….

                      Liked by 1 person

                2. Hey, this is so cool! I’ve somehow gone way more complicated, it’s taken me to a browser, but I see what you mean, and it’s just cool – also I like knowing a little how to do things…. thanks!!!!!
                  Love, light, and glitter

                  Liked by 1 person

  3. How sure are you, Eliza, there’s not some physical – not mental – reason for your dizziness?

    Point is, why blame yourself when a condition, an illness, may be causing this?

    Maybe it’s something like vertigo you and your PCP can treat. You have enough to do, and have overcome enough challenges, to look for additional burdens. Let the docs do what they went to school for years to do.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, it’s definitely physical! What I meant with this post was that it’s way easier to blame than seeing we aren’t in control. Blaming ourselves, blaming myself, gives an illusion of control that is a facade and a waste of time. There’s learning from it, and always more learning. There isn’t anything to do about it, for it’s dizziness from getting up and it comes and goes. I’m lucky and grateful for it’s been really good recently. There is a diagnosis if I’d want but the diagnosis basically translates into – dizziness with nothing to do about it.
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  4. If by blaming you meaning assessing the situation for the failure point so that a corrective can be applied, then it is useful, no matter where the failure point lies. If by blaming you mean shaming, then it is rarely, very rarely, of any use at all. Dr. Bob

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and replying, I appreciate it…
      Yeah, assessing why is good. Shame is a waste of time that doesn’t help with anything…


  5. Darn, glad you did not get hurt! (Except for the dizziness, that is). Have you recovered at the time of writing?

    And i can empathize with the blaming. It’s more common than we might think! You are in (good? bad? common?) company here! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not trying to denigrate 🙂 Just at a loss for the most appropriate word, and tossing up alternatives to convey the idea that you are definitely not alone in this.

        Glad to know you’re better now! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Scary as you could have fallen, hit your head and submerged. Maybe the bath was too hot and made you light-headed? Were you red in the face or didn’t think to look in the mirror … that’s too bad as you’ll be reluctant to take a long and relaxing bath and opt for showers due to this incident. Be careful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I used to only take showers. Thankfully I don’t get dizzy, haven’t been for a while anyways. I knew I was a little dizzy but because it’s been fine for a while I thought it’d be okay. Oh well:)

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh wow. Sometimes I get dizzy when I stand up too quick. I’ve blacked out before. What causes your dizziness? I echo Lindasschaub, you could have fallen and hit your head. **worried**

    I default to blaming myself too. Like you wrote, it’s a learned, ingrained response. We can learn to do otherwise ❤

    As for bloggers not posting, yeah, I went through my blog list and so many haven't posted in several months. I wonder what happened to them and I hope they're well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m grateful I’ve never blacked out. I mean, blacking – when the world goes black – but I’ve always stayed aware. There is no cause for it. It gets better/worse. It’s actually good because if I don’t eat it’s way worse, and that’s a really good reason for me to eat enough. I’m grateful it’s been good, much better in the past months. I could’ve, and thankfully I didn’t:)
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Yes, blaming is easy.
    I’ve hurt my knee and can’t workout so what do I do instead? I blame myself for overdoing it. Your post made me realize that we have no way of knowing such things. We cannot be blamed for that. It will not lead anywhere positive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup …. I feel like I wasn’t clear with what I wrote but you understood it perfectly… thanks! I hope your knee heals soon…
      Love, light, and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

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