I’m freaking out. And, I don’t know how to do it. I don’t think how to handle freaking out. I don’t know how to be with it. I guess I do know. Freak out. Know it’s okay. Just be with it. Sounds so simple. It should be simple. It isn’t simple. Coz I don’t know how to be with it. Exiting is so much simpler.

And yes, I know I’m okay. And if I check our that’s okay. I don’t actually want to mess up. It isn’t worth it. Though that is all that works. Really and truly works. Though, checking out is simpler. Simple in fact. And is what I’m going to do. I’m not sure how much choice there is. Especially when I have half left it too.

I wonder if I’ll ever know why I freak out, and how really to deal with it. For now, checking out and escaping in healthy ways probably is okay. I was actually aware of freaking. Which is more than what was in the past. Maybe I’ll write more later.

Edit. Coz I cut off so easily I wonder if it’s real or if I create it. Logically at a different time I know it’s real. Though now, I wonder. And I was writing elsewhere that I’m not handling it. But, yay me, too. I did stay with it for a bit. Yes, I’m sitting here totally peaceful here with a smile on my face. I’ve completely cut off from anything I was saying about this and what I do or don’t want. Yet, I stayed with it for a bit. I freaked out and i stayed with the shaking and not breathing for a bit. I didn’t know how to handle it. And i stayed with it. Jot for long. But for a bit. And i don’t want this. I want the world to be sunshine and sparkles. And the world is sunshine and sparkles. And they’re both true. Even if I don’t really know that just yet. And regardless of what happens, even if I mess up – which isn’t on my agenda at all – it is okay and I am and will be okay. And even if I cut off, today I was present for a bit. Which is longer than I usually am. Nowhere near present with my body and I’ve been noticing the distance recently and wishing I could bridge it, and being grateful for being present in the world which I never used to be. But that’s all another story.

Coronavirus quotes 6

I promised myself I’d do things differently today, so I’m sitting at the other end of my couch.
Extroverts find a way to hang out with their friends. Just like introverts find a way to stay quiet even during parties. shilpaahuja.com
You’re allowed to be a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously
You said you loved spending time with your kids. The covid 19 quarantine determined that was a lie.
Due to coronavirus my summer body will be delayed to 2021. Thanks for understanding.
Go as long as you can, and then take another step.
Day 2 without sports. Found a young lady sitting on my couch. Apparently she’s my wife. She seems nice.
Hey everybody! 

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave, and toaster while drinking coffee, and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. 

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. 

The hoover was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!

The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.😬 The front door said I was unhinged and the curtains told me to pull myself together!

You’re awesome! Every moment is a new moment and a new choice. Together we can get through anything…

⁷As long as there is life, there is hope.

Love, light, and glitter

F:AK – sharing blueprints of ventilators

Friday – random acts of kindness.

Medtronic are sharing their blueprints for their ventilators. The CEO of Medtronics Israeli division made that decision this week. They’re sharing details of the manufacturing process too, so that other companies who want to manufacture ventilators will have the ability to do so. They’re teaching how to use them. They’re saving the world, one ventilator at a time. They can’t meet the current demand despite doubling and soon to be tripling their creation, despite joining with other manufacturers, so they want to help others manufacture them too.

Read the story in the news here.

We can make the world better. One moment at a time. We can’t give to that extent, or most of us can’t. Every act of kindness, even staying inside to protect others, causes ripple effects that we never know the ramifications of.

What kindness can you do for someone else? What has someone done for you?

May your Friday sparkle
Credit: google images

Gratitude challenge: Day 15

Gratitude Challenge

Day 15: What sounds are you grateful for?

3 birds facing different directions on the sand
I’m grateful for the sounds of birds as they sing,
For the trees as they rustle is the wind.

I’m grateful for sound of voices, with all the varied lilts and choices.

I’m grateful for all the sounds I do hear, for they all are so dear.

I’m grateful for the sounds of a childs laughter,

for the crashing of lightning of thunder,

Im grateful for the sound of a babys cry

for the water as it ripples by,
I’m grateful for the sound of the leaves as they flutter to the ground
For the pitter, patter of the squirrel as it comes around (Linda, I took this picture for you a long while ago).
I’m grateful for the sound of the ocean crashing
For the sound of rain falling
For the sound of geese hissing (hear the birds chirping?)
Of gulls and swans fighting
For the sound of a cat running

I’m grateful for all the sounds of life, though my favourite is nature and children. I learn from listening. I learn from stillness. I’m grateful for all the sounds I hear.

I was thinking of taking out those I don’t have pictures for (I do, but am not including family photos).

Gratitude challenge day 15: Write down five things that you like about yourself.

Hmm. I like my loyalty. I like my innocence, what people think of as naivety. I like how I believe the good in everyone. I like how I keep trying, sometimes. I like that I love knowledge and learning.

What are 5 things you like about yourself????

Love, light, and glitter

Yoga – anxiety

I just joined a yoga online class. Well, I listened to the beginning. After a few minutes I felt like I couldn’t breathe. So a few times I hugged myself for a bit. After 20 minutes or so I stopped and just sat there shaking (hugged my heart cushion at the same time) for about 10 minutes. Tried to breathe through the tightness, and yet could feel real breathing. It was interesting how throat can be constricted, and shaking, yet really feel breathing in body, stomach. I wonder why it freaked me out so much. Tomorrow they have another class by the same person (they have other classes with other people) that I want to try. On the site it does say that you may only want to join for 10 minutes. So it’s obviously not just me (I know it’s not coz of the one who gave me the link – thanks!). I wonder why it is though. For just sitting and not moving much doesn’t sound so freak-worthy. Sounds less to me than sitting in the park doing nothing for an hour – which I loved! I don’t really need to understand why, though I’d love to.

Love, light, and glitter

Gratitude challenge: Day 14

Gratitude Challenge

Day 14: What recent challenge are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for the last time I messed up – a few months ago. I’m grateful because of all it taught me. I’m grateful because seeing what it was like for me then, using to burn and burning, actually showed me how far I’d come. Everything in life can be a stumbling block or stepping stone. I stumbled. I fell. And I hope I used the month of messing up to learn how much going present means to me. I hope it taught me to be grateful. I hope I used it to grow. I’m grateful for it because it makes me appreciate where I am today, that I’m here just being, not messing my life up. I’m grateful because of the appreciation it gave me, awareness, for the journey, and that messing up is just a part of the journey of life.

Gratitude challenge day 14: Spend the day being an optimist.

Love, light, and glitter

Coronavirus quotes 5

When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.
All of a sudden, everybody has become sheldon.
After spending a solid two weeks with no one but myself I’m starting to narrow down the source of many of my problems and you’re not going to believe this __
Let’s value what they do more…
I made a huge to do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
(At the grocery store) This is the worst scavenger hunt I’ve ever been on.
Why aren’t there door handles anymore? Wesley, it’s time I tell you about the year 2020…
Things to remember: Tomorrow is a new day. Making mistakes is part of life. Saying ‘no’ is okay. Not everyone has to like you. Beauty and strength come from within.
I’ve almost completed my 90 day trial of 2020. How do I cancel?

Love, light, and, glitter.

Keep smiling, because you have got this.