Posted on by Eliza · 1 Comment

AK: Money donated to fire survivors

http://www.fox2detroit.com/news/local-news/17-people-survive-house-fire-given-700-by-good-samaritan-driving-by

17 PEOPLE SURVIVE HOUSE FIRE, GIVEN $700 BY GOOD SAMARITAN DRIVING BY.

Seventeen people living inside a multi-level home in southwest Detroit all survived a house fire overnight.

We’re told six people lived downstairs and 11 lived upstairs. The six people living downstairs were all sent to the hospital, one of which is an infant, for minor injuries and are all expected to be okay. Three have already been released.

The fire started around 2 a.m. Thursday in the 8000 block of Whitaker. Neighbors were the first ones to spot the flames and right away they called for help, and tried to help rescue several of the people sleeping inside.

“I kicked the door down and the house was so filled with smoke. Luckily the kids were already up, coming down and I told them – and their mother told them as well – ‘Is everybody out? Do a head count,’ and there was somebody still in there,” neighbor Ryan Parinasah told us.

Everybody who was inside did get outside safely. The 11 people living upstairs did lose everything in the fire though.

While we were outside the home around 6 a.m., we saw a man drive up and hand one of the families $700 because he had heard what happened and wanted to give them some help.

Investigators believe at this time the fire may have been started from a lit candle. A storm blew through last night and knocked out power in the area.

Detroiters Helping Each Other is now collecting clothes, shoes, hygiene products and food for the families. Donations can be dropped off at 2501 Pearl Street in Detroit.

Thank you Linda for sharing this.

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Posted on by Eliza · 13 Comments

TW. Rambling 37915

There’s nothing there
They don’t understand that
There really is
Nothing. There.

Nothingness.
It’s as though I’m watching
Myself
Observing
From the viewing tower

Disconnect? Check
Distance? Check
Connection? Nope
Present? Maybe

There is nothing there

I can’t get through
The glass wall
I don’t know
I don’t know what is there
I don’t know what is there

Sometimes I wonder
If there is anything at all
I’m scared I’ll come and see that
There is nothing
There is nothing there

I’m scared I’ll see that
All I am is an illusion
Beneath the facade,
As soon as you get through the walls
The walls I can’t penetrate
Can’t see what’s there
I’ll see that
The reason I could never see beyond
Was that
There isn’t. Anything.

Emptiness
Blank
Is that all there is
All there ever will be

For

There is
Nothing
Nothing there
I am nothing. Nothing.

My response to there’s nothing there elizareasonstolive.com/letter-to-myself-14th-september-19/

I do know that we’ll find the key. And Eliza, when we find the key, we’ll find a beautiful garden. Filled with flowers and weeds. Tangled and tended to. A beautiful garden. Awesome in it’s wilderness. And together we’ll prune and let it continue to grow. We’ll find a garden Eliza. We’ll find a garden.

There is something there. You aren’t nothing. When you see reality, you’ll know reality is real, exists. It’s not emptiness. It’s not an illusion. It is there. It’s there. We’ll find the key Eliza. And we’ll unlock the door. And have fun playing. And learning. Learning the names of the plants and the purposes they serve. Looking at the beauty. Lying in the sun. It’ll be awesome exploring. Like Mary Lennox (The secret garden).

Letter to myself

There is so much darkness
So much light
I wonder which are real
And then I know
Both are
Both are
Intertwined
Black and white
And all the colours of the rainbow
Forming
A kaleidoscope
Of beauty
Created with
The light
And the dark
And the dark
For that’s a part of the picture
Brings the part into a whole
They’re both
Equally real
Equally true

Vie for front position
Have to learn
To coexist
That they can live together
For one reality

Doesn’t negate another
Even when
They’re a contradiction in terms
For it then forms
The kaleidoscope
Of life
Of life

The darkness
It calls my name
I hear it whispering
It promises me comfort
Familiarity
It’s home to me
It’s what I know
What I know and what I deserve

The darkness
It calls my name
I hear it echoing
It wants me to join it
To come out and play
It promises me it’s my friend
It knows me best, after all

The darkness
It calls my name
I hear it, I hear it
I know it’s where I belong
It’s my friend
It brings peace, blankness
It brings destruction in it’s wake

The darkness
It calls my name
Whilst another voice whispers
Joins in the fray
Promises it’s not all there is
Not all there is to life

The darkness
It calls my name
Whilst hope whispers too
Don’t know where to turn
Dizzy from them both
Never sure
If it’s even real
Or if I imagine (create) it all

Choices
So many choices
Why do I have to constantly choose?
When will the choice finally go
When will it just be living with the choice of life I once made without the constant wish to just destroy it all, and the wondering if I even want that.
OCD (the thought)? I don’t think so. But who knows.
Who knows.
Why do I have to choose?

Posted on by Eliza · 12 Comments

F:AK – ‘Angel’ Detroit Man Pays Tax Bill For Woman About To Lose Her Home

“This just proves that there is a lot of love out there”

DETROIT (WWJ) – A Detroit businessman is being called a “walking angel” after he helped an elderly woman he saw crying in the Wayne County Treasurer’s Office keep her home. 

Michael Evans was standing in line to pay taxes on a property he’d recently purchased, when he overheard the teller inform a woman in a wheelchair that her house had been foreclosed upon, and was headed for auction. 

Evans stepped in and paid the woman’s $5,000 tax bill. 

Why do that for a stranger?

“I don’t know,” Evans told WWJ Newsradio 950’s Vickie Thomas. “Something just told me we couldn’t let that happen, so I just had to do it.”

“My father just passed away about two months ago, and I couldn’t picture this lady losing her house,” he said. “The cashier was in tears, too, it was just like unbelievable, so I had to do something. And we could do it.”

Wayne County Treasurer Eric Sabree called the situation “very unusual.”

“We’re just happy that Mrs. Jackson came in, and had the faith to come in and see about the situation so we could try to help,” Sabree said. “And Mr. Evans was there as an angel to pay the taxes.”

“It really just shows that there are people out there who really care,” he added. “The average person doesn’t think, probably, that there’s still a lot of love in the hearts of our people…but this just proves that there is a lot of love out there.”

Thank you for sharing this story with me Linda

What acts of kindness have others done for you? What acts of kindness can you do for someone else? What acts of kindness have you heard about or seen in the news recently? I’d love to hear, either here, or join in and post it on your own blog, and share it here.

Love, light and glitter

Posted on by Eliza · 26 Comments

298310. 1983021. 8012. 39285. 3. Just need a title.

I can’t see that there’s any point in writing anything, but maybe.

Shaking. Was freaking earlier. It’s like, the can’t breathe freaking, that immediately gives way to shaking – if I let it, which I do and don’t. I wish I’d understand what it’s about. I don’t understand it. I’m okay. I really and truly am okay. Work was okay today. Being back at work was okay. The staff seem to be sweet. The girls seem to be really cute – I seem to be teaching a bunch of cute girls who want to learn. Journaled rambled. Read. Then freaking out – not over anything as far as I can see.

I just wish I knew how to make this stop. How to be able to go to sleep. Instead of ‘listening’ to music through headphones and reading. And shaking. And freaking. When I want to go to sleep and can’t for not in a place that can do so. I know what helps me get to an okay place when I’m not – or maybe I don’t, but there are some things that help me. I don’t know how to stop freaking out and ease the tightness though. I’m breathing properly. I’m relaxing – or trying to. I’m okay. And, I don’t know.

I’m grateful for music. I’m grateful for S, who came over, looked at my new stuff and approved. I’m grateful I was able to help my friend. I’m grateful for books to read. I’m grateful that I’m back to journaling the last few days, I know it’s good for me. I’m grateful for all the awesome people I meet her. I’m grateful that I’m present enough to know I’m okay even if and though I’m freaking and have no clue what to do about it. I’m grateful I could ask. I’m grateful was able to teach others how to do something yesterday, was nice to be able to help in that way. I’m grateful for seeing friends today. I’m grateful.

This says nothing and didn’t actually help to write. I was kinda hoping that it would.

I also don’t especially enjoy shaking.

Love, light and glitter

Posted on by Eliza · 19 Comments

Bridges we build

Bridges.

Bridges. Bridges. Bridges

The first bridge that comes to mind is the golden gate bridge in San Francisco

Image of the golden gate bridge

I was planning on writing a bridges post in response to Kate’s Friday Fun Challenge. I was specifically thinking about the bridges we build in relationships, how we mend them and repair them. How the bridges make the relationship that bit stronger.

Bridges take us from one place to another. From one world to another. They help us enter arenas we never dreamed possible.

Then I remembered this Ted talk that I once listened to and found inspiring, by Kevin Briggs. He worked by the Golden Gate bridge and was often there to give someone a reason not to jump. The bridge between suicide and life. It feels like the perfect thing to share.

Bridges. So long as we can build bridges, anything is possible.

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

Posted on by Eliza · 6 Comments

What helps you when you’re in a dark place? – RTL

Someone emailed me about my fifty forth reason – You’re okay. When you’re in a dark place, what would help you? What would you want others to say and do? How would you want others to be there for you?

via When you’re in a dark place — Reasons to live

I’ve been skimming through some of the posts on my reasons to live blog. This is one post that I’d love to hear your answers to. What helps you when you are in a dark place?

Love, light and glitter

Posted on by Eliza · 23 Comments

Why can’t people mind-read?

Why can’t people mind-read? I expect them to. I expect them to know what I think and when they don’t give me what I wanted – which I didn’t specifically ask for but meant and intended – I’m really hurt and know that they don’t care about me at all.

Just been journaling and wrote the above. Decided to come and write about it here.

I was journaling about E. Someone I was hurt with who wasn’t there for me when I reached out to her, after telling me just a week before that I could reach out to her and she would be really happy to be there. I’d sent her a link to what I wrote – Thinking about using – with the words Just want to share. I thought she would respond and she didn’t. That meant to me that she wasn’t there. Thinking about it now, the words I said, that I want to share, kinda leaves no necessary response. I wasn’t asking her to respond. I was asking her to listen. If she read what I wrote, she did listen. She didn’t give me what I didn’t ask for.

Was thinking too about what went on earlier today. I sent RR what I wrote – the dialogue about how/why bad exists – he responded pretty quickly that it’s amazing and thank you so much for sharing. I was hurt. I was hurt and angry with his response. For it wasn’t what I wanted from him. I wanted him to engage with the material I sent to him. I’d have loved his thoughts on a couple of the points I wrote about. He didn’t give that to me. So I was hurt. (Which makes me feel bad that I was upset instead of grateful. Grateful that he’d taken the time to read what I wrote. And bother responding when he has absolutely no need or desire to do so. And, I am. I do appreciate it). I guess I felt like he’d disregarded what I’d asked for. He didn’t give me what I didn’t ask for.

Why can’t people mind-read? This is just todays examples. I don’t necessarily have examples of this every day. I’m assuming if I think about it I can come up with a whole lot of examples from different times. Actually, I can think of a lot of times. I was hurt with people. They didn’t give me what I didn’t ask for. I meant it. I implied it. I thought it. I knew it. It was and is so evident to me that in my mind it should be so evident to the other person. And of course I don’t see at the time that I haven’t actually stated what I want. For in my mind, I’ve said it. It’s so real and so true that obviously the other person knows. Why can’t people mind-read again?

I was journaling about E because she had offered 2 things to me at the same time and I was realising I can’t ask her to do what she said she would. If she didn’t do the first I can’t trust she meant the second. So I was thinking about her today. Except that, thankfully now I see that she didn’t necessarily back out from the first. So she hasn’t backed out from her second offer either. And I can still ask her if she wants to join me in that.

The most important example I can think of is with AH, my ex therapist. What ultimately ended it – asides from both of us messing up big time – was his inability to mind-read and understand all I was trying to say. I know now that it was his responsibility, as the therapist, to make sure that didn’t get in the way, but that definitely played a big part. He couldn’t give to me what I didn’t ask for.

The point is, why is it that people can’t mind-read? I expect them to. And they can’t. And I’m hurt when they haven’t given me what I’ve asked for. Except that I haven’t actually asked for it! I intended it. I meant it. I implied it. I wanted it. I thought it. I knew it. I even thought I spelled it out in A, B, C. Yet I didn’t. Yet, I don’t. And I end up being hurt by it. I’m the one hurt by it, not them. They don’t care if they aren’t a part of my life. They couldn’t care less if they’d never hear from me again. They couldn’t care about me either way. I care.

Why did you say people can’t mind-read?

Love, light and glitter

Posted on by Eliza · 18 Comments

Scars, what’s your excuse?

I came across this post 🙂

What do you answer when people ask you what your scars are from? I came across this list here, I was laughing through it. Don’t worry about it. Because of me, they now have a warning label… “Oh, these?” *embarrassed face* “I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!” …. The voices told me to do it…. I was walking into town and the aliens came down and started to battle with me…..

via Scars. What’s your excuse? — Reasons to live

How do you respond when people ask you about your scars?

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

Posted on by Eliza · 15 Comments

FAK: Random acts of kindness

I’ve been thinking about it recently, after my last WATWB post and Linda shared with me a gorgeous story, and I’ve so many acts of kindness’s to post, that I’d love to make an official, or not so official, Friday Act of Kindness post. Either every Friday. Or every other Friday. Or whatever. Come join me 🙂 In writing some acts of kindness posts. There are so many acts of kindness constantly around us. Either I (changing it to first person intentionally) can look at the good things people do, or the things they don’t do. The guy who just a couple of hours ago saw me parking and directed me. The woman who got out of her car to help me park. The guy who put his shopping down to direct me. I’m terrible at parking and seem to take forever. More often than someone hooting or getting frustrated with me (which happens of course), people help me, guide me and direct me.

The woman who watched me looking for a pound coin to pay for my parking ticket and gave me a pound to pay. The guy who bought me a drink in a foreign country – I had money but you had to pay by that countries card for some reason.

Acts of Kindness. It’s something I’d love to do, in addition to WATWB – which is about spreading news of light rather than dark, once a month. My WATWB posts are pretty much always about the random acts of kindness.

If you join, or if you have any stories to share, either your own – that you did, or that happened to you, or a newslink that you saw, I’d love to hear.

I’m not sure what to tag the posts F:AK (Friday: Acts of Kindness), AK (Acts of Kindness), or F:RAK (Friday: Random Acts of Kindness

I hope I’m not putting my foot in my mouth here, and that I actually follow through with this!

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

Posted on by Eliza · 16 Comments

Dialogue with a source. Why is there darkness in the world? – Part 10

I haven’t written here in a while. Haven’t wanted to. Or been able to look passed what happened.

People were killed now in Hurricane Dorian. A kid. It somehow seems so tragic when it’s a child.

Life. A mixture of light and darkness.

  • Source of the world, why?
    Because of a magnitude of reasons too great to fathom
  • S, are you light or dark?
    Both. Neither and both. Everything. It’s all the same.
  • So which are you?
    Neither and both. It isn’t good or bad. What you see as bad may not be bad, what you see as good may not be good.
  • So what are you?
    Everything. You are everything too.
  • What is darkness?
    Darkness is different. Darkness isn’t the good or the bad. Darkness is the lack of light.
  • So S, how do you dispel the darkness?
    By shining a light E. By turning on the light.
  • Is it possible to always turn on the light?
    No. Sometimes you can’t do it. But it can be turned on. (It may need others to teach you how to turn it on or shine the light when you can’t.)
  • And the darkness that fills people that drives them to murder?
    The lack of light E, the Lack. Of. Light.
  • Can I shine the light?
    That’s up to you. Are you ready to be the light? When you are, yes, you can.
  • S. Why? Why?
    Can you answer me why?
  • No. For I can’t understand it. How it’s possible for mass destruction caused by you, hurricanes, tornadoes, et al.
    What about the sunrises, the mountains?
  • They don’t cancel each other out. One doesn’t make the other okay. So, why?
    Because it brings good too. The people who come to help. It teaches the value of life. Shows the impermanence of the physical and lets them tap into their unknown strength, which if they didn’t need it, they would never have found it. Never have known just how courageous and strong and beautiful they are.
  • Why do they need to know?
    For themselves. So they can light within them and shine their torches.
  • And the people who give up in despair?
    They have the choice. To choose the darkness or the light.
  • Why is it fair to give them that choice?
    If they’d never have the choice they would never know. If you never let a baby fall it will never learn to walk. People have to be able to choose.
  • I don’t know.
    You don’t need to know. You don’t need to know today. You, too, have the choice. Every moment of your life And you choose. Either the light or the dark, and you learn from your choices. You learn every moment what works and what doesn’t.
  • Why is it fair?
    No one said it’s fair E. No one said it is fair. Because ‘fair’ is arbitrary and measured differently by everyone. It’s not about fair. It’s about right.
  • And is it? Right?
    Both yes and no. Ultimately, yes. Sometimes some things aren’t right, and that is a part of letting people make their own choices. Sometimes there is bad, not just darkness. Is it all ‘right’? In the greater scheme of things, yes, it all adds to the journey that life is.
  • And why does there have to be life?
    That’s another question entirely E, and not one that can be answered at the moment. For the moment, just know that you are okay. You have all the answers. Bad isn’t right but is what it’s meant to be. Darkness is a lack of light. You can be the light E. You can and will. As will all those around you. You may not always know but sometimes you will. It’s okay to fail, or pause. You can and will always get back up. It’s just this moment. The moment is all you have and all you need. It’s okay to ask. It’s okay to care. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to let it go. You won’t always know or understand. Which you may not find to be okay. You can accept it though once you understand enough. You may not understand how the bad and darkness is okay. Yet. You may not yet understand it. You can accept it and continue to work through it.
    Working through what you believe is scary for what if you hurt people you care about in the process? And, you will deal with that then. You may hurt them if you believe Judaism isn’t true, but that isn’t now, for you haven’t been interested in working through it because you’ve been freaking out about the darkness and sadness that allows suicide. You’ve gotten caught up in the darkness, instead of looking at it, which you are doing now instead. I promise E, the darkness is just a lack of light. People choose things, they make mistakes, and it has no bearing on you or your life unless you let it – which is your choice.
    Keep choosing. Keep learning. And one day you will understand more than you do today. One day you will be okay with life existing. Because, when you love life enough, you may always think the world would have been better without the existence of life, but you won’t feel it’s unfair. You won’t resent it. Which will make the question nonexistent.
    It’s just about now E. Just right now.