Spent a couple of minutes scribbling because of freaking.

I feel like I have to choose- if these (some of are here) are an indication- between being trapped and being free. I feel like there are daggers drawn, ready to be shot. Whatever I choose is wrong. I miss ah. I wish I could send it to him.

I am really surprised at the last scribbling. And really like it. The door is unlocked. Up till now anything I drew was always bars and cages. I don’t know what any.of anything symbolizes and I’m actually not going to try and analyse it.

Going to try and sleep and maybe I’ll be lucky and be able to prepare in the morning. I have an observation I have to prepare for tomorrow that haven’t yet done anything for.

29 thoughts on “Scribbling”

      1. I don’t think anyone would ever consciously ‘choose’ torture – we are pretty much designed to avoid pain at any cost, though we are surprisingly bad at that! It’s a lot more complex than conscious choice, and personally I think it’s inappropriate to say that anybody else is ‘wallowing’ in anything on a blog where they post their vulnerable feelings and thought processes. That verb has such negative connotations and really lacks empathy – given that it essentially means to indulge, and there is very little indulgent about mental illness and suffering. I think you’re doing well and so glad you were able to draw it out. As Steve said, the open door is a positive sign for sure. Focus on that. 💖

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            1. I know Kate. Although there may have been better ways to say the same thing. I was hurt because it was dissing all I am doing.
              And yes I’ve seen psychiatrists. I saw 2 around 6 months apart. Neither of whom were amazing. Neither recommended medication. If there’s any diagnosis that would fit it’d be one (bpd, though a lot of it wouldn’t fit any longer) that medication isn’t necessary recommended for.
              Somehow I feel like you don’t actually see all the change there is (which actually would be harder for someone reading what I write than for me)
              Take care of yourself today. I hope you’re doing awesomely..
              Happy weekend!
              Love, light and glitter

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  3. Deciding to leave a situation is the first step. The hard part is actually doing something about it but when you do you feel so much better. I have had to make some difficult choices myself but I’m glad I did now. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. Take care.

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    1. That’s actually really applicable to my life. Like completely. The struggle I’m facing is believing I can put myself first…. thanks for taking the time to comment.
      Love light and glitter

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        1. I’m not great at getting in touch with people for I feel guilty to and somehow it always ends. Thanks for the offer.
          Love light and glitter

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            1. 🙂 That sounds like me. I never know who it’s coz of (like if it’s what I’m doing or if it’s them).
              Happy Wednesday

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  4. Very interesting scribbles! I was going to say the last was my favourite, too. It made me think that sometimes we already have the key, or even that the door is already unlocked, we just haven’t realised it. xx

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    1. Thanks Caz. Yeah, that’s true. Most often we’re the ones who’ve locked it and are the ones who can free ourselves.
      How have you been? Any plans for the week?
      Love, light and glitter

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      1. Exactly, it’s just frustrating we can spend so long trying to figure out how to get out and start thinking it’s impossible, when we could have already opened the door & gone through it. The benefit of hindsight, eh. I’ve been a bit up and down, had a rough patch but still going..! I think that’s just me now, it wouldn’t be my life without regular meltdowns 😂I’ve got my B12 injection tomorrow but otherwise appointment-free until next week, so it’s just blogging & other work online/writing to get through. How about you lovely? xx

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        1. Is it ever getting easier for you?
          I’m so glad you still have the B12’s….
          Are you going to write a book? (go on, do!)
          Just dizzy and overwhelmed. I’ve been doing really good. Even what I’m freaking out about recently, it’s for good reasons, because of good changes (so yeah freaking out, but at least it’s positive in a way)
          Love, light and glitter

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  6. Scribbling works if you don’t have time or the inclination to write in a journal or in a post … it doesn’t matter what you do in the moment if it has a calming effect ultimately.

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