Photo of the day – sunset from the plane

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F:AK – Pitt fan comforts UCF fan

Thinking about random acts of kindness, (googling) I came across this story. I like it because it’s meaningful in it’s simplicity. How a few words make such a difference. Which is something we all can do. I didn’t realise they played football in the US until now! I appreciated the story too, because my friends son, who is a Manchester United fan, won’t wear anything blue, or even use a blue crayon.


UCF-fans-heaps-praise-on-Pitt-and-its-fans

If my experience as a lifelong football fan has taught me one thing, it’s this: Take great care when you visit an opposing team’s stadium.

A quick visit to YouTube reveals the worst. The site immortalizes sucker punches, brawls and more in stadiums around the country.

Fortunately, my experience at Heinz Field on Sept. 21 was vastly different.

A large group of fans from the University of Central Florida traveled to Pittsburgh to watch the Knights play Pitt. Panthers fans welcomed us as we walked to the stadium, chatted us up in the stands and encouraged us to explore the many excellent Steelers exhibits in the concourse.

It was a high-scoring, back-and-forth game. With less than a minute to go, Pitt used a brilliant trick play to end UCF’s 27-game regular-season winning streak. But what I’ll remember most is what happened after the game.

I was sitting in the stands with my arm around my 13-year-old son’s shoulders as he tried to hold back tears. A devoted UCF fan, he took the loss hard.

That’s when a Pitt dad and his son walked up to us and said, “tears are how we know we care about our teams.” He said he could tell my son was a good fan, and that UCF is a good team.

My son lifted his head and smiled, the hurt already starting to dissipate.

Thank you for a great game, Panthers. But thank you more for showing sportsmanship isn’t dead everywhere.

GRANT HESTON


What acts of kindness have others done for you? What acts of kindness can you do for someone else? What acts of kindness have you heard about or seen in the news recently? I’d love to hear, either here, or join in and post it on your own blog, and share it here.

Love, light and glitter

May your Friday sparkle
Acts of kindness suggestions from naturalbeachliving.com

A new day. Yom Kippur. ED

Today is a new day. But, is it really? It is. I guess it is. I’ve not been freaking at all and I’m grateful for that. It’s been a busy morning.

I was up last night, had in my head the lyrics ‘up at night’. Woke up from a dream and was up for 2 hours. I couldn’t sleep in as this morning I had a blood test. In preparation for Yom Kippur I had a shower and washed my hair. Was pretty dizzy and I’m grateful the dizziness has passed for now.

I had a blood test. When I did I asked the nurse if I could weigh myself. I actually now fit into the normal BMI category. It makes me realise how crap BMI is. I don’t usually do swearing. I hate that people think BMI’s are accurate… they really aren’t, and I it hurts me that people care where they are on their BMI’s. When I lost weight 2 years ago (I went from a size 18/20 skirt to a size 8/10 skirt) then according to my BMI I was still overweight. I mean, seriously???) …so I’ve lost about 5 kilo in the last couple of weeks. Maybe less because usually when I weigh myself I make sure I’ve drunk lots and now I didn’t. Maybe it also makes a difference the time of day. Actually, not less. Because the 5 kilo was with a leeway of 1.5. It’s more like 6.5.

RR – my rabbi – called to check how I was and really to wish me a good year. I am really touched he did so. I told him that I’m not sure if fasting will be a good idea for me at the moment. You know, whenever I’ve discussed fast days with him I’ve never told him anything. I told him I’m not eating enough and that after sukkot I’ll have to figure out what to do about it, make a plan and decide how to go forwards. (I’ve actually sent a message to my GP asking for a referral to a specific psychotherapy service that doesn’t offer just talk therapy, and will see if he does it, and look privately, yet again).

I opened my laptop to see this sitting here. Basically he told me that I shouldn’t be fasting tonight/tomorrow. Which is kinda weird for me. And that I should eat normally (whatever ‘normally’ means at the moment when I’m really not eating much).

It’s soon Yom Kippur. The day is a jewish holiday of ‘atonement’. What it really means is that the jews believe that on this day god, the source of the universe, forgave them, and that every year on this day god will forgive you. It’s a day of connection. Of connection to a source – a source I haven’t really worked through enough what I think about. Connection to a source that I don’t know what I believe about it.

I planned on fasting. It’s definitely better for my mindset if I don’t fast, it’s still strange for me not to. Strange because I was going to do my best to fast even though I don’t know what I believe. Because I’m jewish. Because even if I don’t know what I believe maybe one day I will know. Because I’ve been brought up religious. Because for now I’m keeping to the religion even though, as I said, I haven’t worked it through. So I planned on fasting. And I’m not going to be. It’s actually going to be harder, than it has been the past couple of weeks, to eat anything. Though I will do my best to eat something, because, because I know that’s what I have to do.

It’s a day. Another day of life.

And I haven’t read through this so it probably makes very little sense.

Happy new year!

I wonder when I’ll next be on. I’m not going to have my laptop on me for a few weeks and I’m not sure if I’ll be on WordPress at the time or not.

Always remember that you’re worth it…

Love, light and glitter

Song and picture of the day. Ashes of Eden by Breaking Benjamin

I’ve been freaking out. Not for any reason I can see. Just is. I made supper (its dinner too), at the moment I can’t eat it. Just can’t eat. I wonder if I’ll be able to later. Something actually cool, my leather jacket that was a size too small fits me! It is cool that it fits and I’m really happy that it does (the reasoning behind why it fits, well, that’s not so good, but that it fits, is a nice thing).

Love, light and glitter

Eliza

Lyrics:

Will the faithful be rewarded
When we come to the end
Will I miss the final warning
From the lie that I have lived
Is there anybody calling
I can see the soul within
And I am not worthy
I am not worthy of this

Are you with me after all
Why can’t I hear you
Are you with me through it all
Then why can’t I feel you

Stay with me don’t let me go
Because there’s nothing left at all
Stay with me don’t let me go
Until the ashes of Eden fall

Will the darkness fall upon me
When the air is growing thin
Will the light begin to pull me
To its everlasting will
I can hear the voices haunting
There is nothing left to fear
And I am still calling
I am still calling to you

Are you with me after all
Why can’t I hear you
Are you with me through it all
Then Why can’t I feel you

Stay with me don’t let me go
Because there’s nothing left at all
Stay with me don’t let me go
Until the ashes of Eden fall

Don’t let go
Don’t let go
Don’t let go
Don’t let go
Don’t let go
Don’t let go
Why can’t I hear you
Stay with me don’t let me go
Because there’s nothing left at all
Stay with me don’t let me go
Until the ashes of Eden fall
Heaven above me
Take my hand
Shine until there’s nothing left but you
Heaven above me
Take my hand
Shine until there’s nothing left but you

F:AK – Police officer helps homeless man shave.

Officer helps homeless man struggling to shave

ABC News

A homeless man was struggling over a puddle on the street, trying to rinse off his razor and give himself a shave, when a Detroit police officer stepped in to lend a hand.

Jill Metiva Schafer happened to be walking by, and she captured the moment of kindness in a post on social media.

Image of officer helping shave.

“I took the picture because I thought it was such a kind, unselfish thing for an officer to do,” Schafer of Saginaw Township, Michigan, told “Good Morning America.” “With all the negativity that police officers get, I wanted to show them in a positive light.”

Schafer said she and her family had arrived for the Detroit Tigers game at the Comerica Park ballpark, but it got rained out. That’s when she witnessed the exchange between Stanley Nelson, 62, and Officer Jeremy Thomas of the Detroit Police Department.

Thomas said he had no idea anyone was watching when he walked up to Nelson.

“I walked up and I said, ‘Excuse me, sir’ and at that point, he’s like, ‘Ok, ok, I’ll leave and I said, ‘No, do you need some help?'” Thomas told ABC affiliate WXYZ. “And he turned around blindly and said, ‘Yes, thank you. God bless.'”

Nelson was attempting to shave after receiving a razor and shaving cream as a handout from a Good Samaritan.

“What he did for me, that was alright,” Nelson told WXYZ of Thomas’ gesture. “I really appreciate that because I’m going through my thing and I feel bad about myself, but I’m going to be alright.”

He went on, “God’s going to bless him for doing that for me.”

Thomas’ message is to help others whenever you can.


Thank you for sharing this story with me Linda

What acts of kindness have others done for you? What acts of kindness can you do for someone else? What acts of kindness have you heard about or seen in the news recently? I’d love to hear, either here, or join in and post it on your own blog, and share it here.

Love, light and glitter

Rambling update 289201

Rambling says it all. This is way too long…..

Today was a really good day. There wasn’t anything specific. I just feel okay. Felt okay the entire day. Slightly dizzy at times, but that’s par for the course. And I ate enough. Well, sort of enough. Hang on, I’ll check how much. Wow, I really did eat enough today. And it was mostly healthy food. Which feels both good and I feel guilty for it. The last week most days I didn’t have enough, and was battling purging the entire time. Today was just, okay.

I’m wondering if some of that is because Rosh Hashonah is over. It doesn’t really make a difference why, but it seems to make sense to be that. It was looming over me and I was dreading it. I wasn’t really dreading it. I don’t really know what was going on, I just needed it to be over. And it is over. And the days were actually really okay. I spent the time reading and with family. We had guests for a couple of the meals, and it was nice to see them, and spend time with them – most the guests are really nice people! I even kept it! That means I didn’t turn on any lights. Didn’t touch my phone or laptop. Didn’t listen to music or journal. I’m grateful I didn’t need to. One thing I wished for, when I went to listen to the shofar (ram’s horn) blowing, was that this year next time I should be able to make the choice whether to listen or not, and I should know. I should know whether Judaism is truth. Whether it’s my truth. I should know what I believe and choose to listen based on my knowledge. Not, as was now, because it may be the truth, and I’m doing what I should if it were truth.

I spent 2 hours sorting out pictures today. I printed out lots and they all came mixed up. I’ve printed all my pictures from 2017 until a couple of months ago. Now I’ve sorted them all into order except for winter holidays. I have to put those in order. Print some missing pictures. Get some albums… and that will be my Yom Kippur activity – putting them in albums. It’ll be good for me to have something to do.

SG told me to text her when I’m free and she’ll get in touch. I did. And she hasn’t told me when she’s available. I know it’ll be okay whatever happens. Just frustrated.

I’m in a kinda weird space. The world is good. Everything is good. My mind is flying. I don’t know how to slow itdown – can’t be bothered doing anything to slow it down.

I’m so grateful for my room at the moment. For my space. For all my stuff. I’ve decorated it really my style. I’ve cleared up the windowsill just leaving lotsa figurines up there, and it really looks pretty.

Nothing else to say. Or more like, too much to say :). After sukkot I really want to make a plan of action for this year. For my life. I feel like all I’ve been doing is spinning my wheels in the mud and haven’t been sorting my life or my world out at all. That everything is still the same. I know that’s not the truth. I know it even from external things. How much less I think of using. How I’m more present. How it’s safe enough sometimes for me to let myself shake. How I can journal things through. How I haven’t bought cocodamol in a while – at the beginning of the year I was buying it constantly, even if and though I wasn’t using it at all. I’m way less extreme then I was then. So yes, things have changed.

There is still all that I want to change. There being so much to change, doesn’t take away all that has changed. I know there should be no comma – I can’t get the wording to be grammatically correct. My grammar is horrendous at times. When I had this phone appointment with SG2 I’d mentioned my mother, how she doesn’t have an identity of her own, since her identity is just tied into that of her children. Therefore if any of her children do anything that she doesn’t like or their life isn’t what she planned for them she sees it as a reflection of herself. It was a throwaway comment not something we spoke about. She asked me if I have an identity. I answered her honestly. No. That’s something I really want to be different next year. I want to know who I am. I want to know where I am. I want to know what I want from life. I want to be able to want altogether. It’s funny, because so much that is messed up is part of why I think nothing has changed. Yet, even this, which to others may sound crazy (that I really don’t have an identity of my own, my life is way too tied in with others), is a good thing. For I know it. I see it. And if I think back to a year ago when I knew that if I wanted to create an identity for myself the only option would be death for it so wouldn’t happen and all the other reasons…. then I know it’s different. I know it’s a good thing. At some point or another I want to make a plan of action and figure out where I am now and where I want to get to and how to get there. I’m not sure how to do that, but, will see what happens. More about that another time.

I told MDK, a random guy I met, that I want to get involved with the community and help. He gave me an email address and told me to offer to help and see if I can volunteer my services at all. I still haven’t emailed this women. I’m not sure why not.

If anyone has actually read any of this, kudos to you. I don’t think I’d have the patience or be able to focus on such nonsense for so long. And thanks!!!!

Love, light and glitter

Rosh Hashanah – happy new year

Happy new year! It’s Rosh Hashanah – the jewish new year – in just a couple of minutes. Which means I won’t be online for the days.

Just to wish everyone a year of peace, sunshine, sparkles. Love, light and glitter. If there is one thing I wish everyone would know, is how special they are. All of you who are reading this – I really appreciate you taking the time to read this. Thank you for reading. For being here. For being you.

I’m nervous for the days. Was panicking all day. Slightly calmer after jouranling, exercising and driving although really on edge. Won’t take much to push over, but, it is what it is. I know that the days will pass. I know that I’m not nervous about the days itself, more about the memories of the days.

Tonight/tomorrow is a new year. It’s about acknowledging that there is a source to the world who runs the world. I believe there is a source – the energy/consciousness/wisdom that underlies every cell. I believe this energy is always there. I haven’t worked through much, but that’s what the day is about.

Gotta run

L’shanah tovah u’metukah – may you have a sweet, good, new year.

Love, light and glitter

Image result for happy new year rosh hashanah greeting

Image result for happy new year rosh hashanah greeting

Randomness #82516

I’ve been meaning to write for a while, and I haven’t, for I just don’t know what to say. If there is anything to say at all. And I doubt I’ll be making any sort of coherent sense.

I had a phone appointment with SG2 on Tuesday. She does energy work. I told her that the main thing I want to deal with is Rosh Hashanah – the jewish new year – which I’m really not looking forward to. Constantly when I though of RH (Rosh Hashanah) my thoughts were ‘I don’t want to be here for RH’ and I didn’t know what those words meant. When I spoke to her she told me that it’s because of what was when I was 23 – did anything happen then. I told her nothing was then, but maybe she means when I was 22. For it’d tie in. That RH was a year I didn’t plan on living past. I didn’t want to be there for a new year. So it’d make sense that this was connected for I had no clue what I was thinking or why. Then she did some clearing, and I realised that she was right about when I was 23. I guess it’s what Lavender refers to on her blog as a traumaversary.

2 years ago Rosh Hashanah. It was when I was using – OD’ing daily (it started at a bit and every day I upped the amount. It wasn’t intentional, it was just what happened) and when I wasn’t eating. It ended on RH. For those days I was sick – running to the bathroom the entire time which made me really weak. I was debating whether to use more or not. Eventually I didn’t dissolve any more because I was too weak to. The fear. That I had destroyed myself. The knowledge. That I’d done this. The debate whether I should use more or not – I wasn’t trying to kill myself at the time, I was playing with the edge to listen to both sides, the side that wanted life and the side that wanted death. I really wasn’t trying to kill myself. I actually wasn’t really unwell, just running to the bathroom constantly – like every 10 – 15 minutes – and completely exhausted from it. It felt like I was really ill.

I don’t know why I’d be dreading the day if everything that was on the day 2/3 years ago was incidental. It wasn’t about the day or the meaning of the day. It just happens to be that on that day I wasn’t well and stopped using cocodamol for I didn’t really want to kill myself. I just wanted to use. Stopping using didn’t take away the need for destruction.I still wanted to destroy myself. In some ways I still do. Want to. Which is why I wasn’t eating. I don’t know when I started eating again. I didn’t appreciate all the back handed compliments I got – wow, you look so good, you lost weight. Or the questions – have you done surgery or something. Especially because it wasn’t a choice. I couldn’t eat.

I’m still scared for RH. Though it’s not with the same panic that there was earlier. I don’t really know how I’m going to get through it. I plan on having lotsa books and puzzles around. Usually I’d say food, too. But since I spoke to SG2 on Tuesday I haven’t been eating much. I do want to lose weight, but it’s not about losing weight. I think it’s about going back there. Going back to what was. Though actually, not necessarily, considering that in the past couple of years I’ve never stopped the cycle I do with food (purging, stopping eating, eating healthily, eating too much junk). I wonder how RH will pass. I wonder how RH will end up.

I know I need to get help. I always thought I didn’t need it. And, I think the choices I made were right for the times I made them. They were right for then. Doesn’t mean they’re right for now. I need to build an identity of my own. I need to believe I’m allowed to. I want to work through what I believe about god and judaism and there is way too much emotional intensity attached for me to work through it any longer. What I’ve worked through until now has definitely been helpful. I would love to feel safe. I wouldn’t say I feel unsafe. Which I used to. I don’t know if I do or don’t feel safe either way. I’d love to be able to be honest with myself and tune in more. I’ve been using the daylio app (thanks Amber for the suggestion) although I don’t know if there’s a point. I rate pretty much everything as ‘okay’. Or tired. Very rarely will it be less, but like really rarely. Even if I’m freaking out or have done anything stupid, it’ll still be rated as ‘okay’ because that’s the reality. What am I rambling about? So either way I want to figure out what exactly I want – help wise – and how I’ll go about getting it. I can’t really do anything about it for the next month – a bit more than a month really – until after sukkot, other than think about it I mean. I don’t really know what I do want. I know what I don’t want – traditional talk therapy would be an utter waste of time.

I wrote this to distract myself because I ate. But, I don’t know. I don’t know if it matters. So I’ll TU. Food isn’t something I’ve ever really tried to deal with.

On to something nice, I’m loving my room, the space, the peace, the cuteness, the colours, and that it’s been hoovered so looks clean even if it isn’t. I love seeing the trees outside and hearing the wind blowing.

I don’t know whether I should post this or not bother, it doesn’t say what I thought it would. I thought originally that I’d write about what was then, but I haven’t.

Love, light and lotsa glitter

May your Friday Sparkle
Everything is better with a little sparkles and shine

A heart drawn with the words 'It is glitter Friday'. Well, the words are spelled incorrectly in the image, but other than that...

WATWB: Acts of kindness towards strangers

This story touched and moved me. Thank you KDM for sharing it with me. I loved it because it is so awesome and fitting.

Jon Potter was once asked a favour and said no. He felt bad and resolved that the next time he was asked, he would say yes if possible. This led to saying yes to any favour he could help with for a year. And more. Numerous acts of kindness. From money, to time, to donating his kidney. He opened the Pittsburg good deeds site a couple of years ago. What brought him to fame was when he was given $500 that he was going to donate, others donated $1000 more to the fund which was given out.

Visit MSN for the full story.

WATWB is about spreading joy and light. The news keep on sharing all the negative news, so instead, anyone who joins WATWB posts the last weekend of the month a story that sprinkles glitter and sunshine through the days. To join WATWB click here.

What acts of kindness have others done for you? What acts of kindness can you do for someone else? What acts of kindness have you heard about or seen in the news recently? I’d love to hear, either here, or join in and post it on your own blog, and share it here.

Love, light and glitter

Today’s quote

Hey
I’ll be back in 5 minutes but if I’m not just read this message again.
I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the cemetery. 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them “I understand… I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.”

Never seen anyone run so fast

Love, light and glitter