https://www.instagram.com/p/CG4z2--D-Cu/?igshid=1uxak0kmhdnoo Saying yes, taking responsibility, gave me the right to exist. K, so I'm speculating here, but I'm trying to put my thoughts into words, and either it's true, or it's not. I'm going to put it down. And it could be I'll turn around one day and say that this is nonsense. I grew…
Can I put myself first?
I've written about this before, I think. A friend who is struggling wants a lift today. It would take 2 - 3 hours of my time. I have the time. This morning was tough and I didn't have the headspace. I knew I didn't have the headspace. As a side note I just curled up…
24985 – rambling update. (Could be triggering.)
The world is a good place. I feel guilty. A friend needed help I couldn't give. So I didn't give it to her. I could have gone beyond myself. I didn't. She called an acquaintance of hers who stepped in and arranged do much for her. I couldn't have done what this acquaintance did. I…
Will acknowledging what I want make it worse?
Someone wrote something to me along these lines and it reminded me of all the times I've wondered if I should accept what I want. There's an inherent problem with accepting what you want (or what happened, a situation, what you feel et al,), for acceptance requires complete awareness of what is. There's no way…
Am I to blame?
Blaming. It's always easier to blame oneself or another. Blaming gives a feeling of control so that if I can attribute a to x then I'm in control. I'm dizzy. I'm blaming, or was, myself for it. I was dizzy and had already run the bath. I thought that maybe I shouldn't have a bath…
Thinking about using.
Why did I use? To destroy myself. I had to get rid of myself and the way to do so was through playing with the edge. Why did I escape? Because of the guilt. I escaped with everything and anything. A lot innocuous. I never lived in the world. I was never present. Coz of…
Journey to life 