Journaling 103 (6) What do I need in order for it to change?
I dialogue journalled last night for at least a couple hours. There's both what I need in order to stop, and what I need or needs to change so that I don't need the destruction. In order to stop I just need support. What that would look like is people checking in with me. Believing…
Journalling 103 (5) GP App and referrals
I saw my GP today. Last week wrote up with him a referral for the CMHT. I asked him for a copy of the letter the therapist from primary care services sent to him. I called up primary care services for a copy and they told me my GP can give me a copy. Her…
Protected: Journaling 103 (2). NHS therapist
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Trigger warning.
Not for under 18s. There's nothing to write for it's all just lies and more lies. I don't know what's reality and what's not. What's reality? Right now I'm sitting on the floor leaning against my bed. I feel the floor. I feel the bed. I feel tears in my eyes. I see the screen.…
Letter to myself: 16th August 2020. I love you and I’m glad you’re here.
Dear E I'm glad you're here. I'm grateful to be on this journey. And I'm hopeful for where this journey could lead. I'm with you always E, and I will be with you always. Through the ups and through the downs. Keep rebuilding. Take the pieces and create something new. You get to choose what…
Dialogue with myself about Hope and Destruction
19th July 2020 E, who is running the show?Life, I think.What does 'Life' look like?Not Life. Hope is.What does 'Hope' look like?Not like Destruction. What does Destruction look like?I can't see because it is so all encompassing that it is everything so not possible to define it.What does Hope want?Love.Can you give Hope Love?No. I…
TW. ED, random, positive, update et al.
I'm a few days behind in my reader and posts tend to get lost in my reader after a few days and coz it's shabbat soon I will be even more behind by the time Sunday comes along. The past few days I've been finding it easier to eat. That terrifies me. Happens to be…
Sitting with reality
Something just happened. It huts too close to home for me to write about it yet. And, I don't know how to handle it or what to do with myself. I don't feel anything for it would hurt too much so it doesn't yet hurt at all. Just sitting with itJust being with itThe I…
Random.
Today was a calmer day. Used less cocodamol. Swept a bit the mess I made last night with what I did. Ate too much (for what I feel I should eat. Honestly I'm also grateful I ate more than I wanted to). Not sure how come I've used less but I did. Tried to get…
Journey to life 