I'm sad. Someone messaged me a really gorgeous message that it's been a while since they've heard from me and they're a little worried and could I please respond. No pressure but yes pressure. I'm sad. I'm sad I scared her. I don't even know if she was scared. I remember TC telling me when…
At the moment…
I'm not rereading this. Blaming it on the hour. Trigger warning. I just want to put this down. Today has been long. R'R asked a charity here if they can help. Why does he care??? So had work this morning, then filled out this online link, work, people. Then. Last week I took a blood…
Journaling 103 (9) TW
I've nothing to say. I wrote 2 more pages in my gratitude journal. Aiming for 2700 for when I'm 27. I'm weird. This is one of the things I journalled about today. I see myself to getting to 2700 gratitudes. I don't know if there's a point buying new things or getting the tooth work…
MBSR (4) – Todays zoom class 3/8
Mindfulness attitudes - Beginner’s Mind or Curiosity, Patience, Non-judging, Non-striving, Kindness and Compassion towards ourselves and others, Trust, Acceptance or Allowing, Letting Go Today was a mixture. At the beginning we were told that one of the participants of the group wouldn't be coming back. I found that jarring and we weren't given time to…
Journaling 103 (6) What do I need in order for it to change?
I dialogue journalled last night for at least a couple hours. There's both what I need in order to stop, and what I need or needs to change so that I don't need the destruction. In order to stop I just need support. What that would look like is people checking in with me. Believing…
Journalling 103 (5) GP App and referrals
I saw my GP today. Last week wrote up with him a referral for the CMHT. I asked him for a copy of the letter the therapist from primary care services sent to him. I called up primary care services for a copy and they told me my GP can give me a copy. Her…
Sitting with reality
Something just happened. It huts too close to home for me to write about it yet. And, I don't know how to handle it or what to do with myself. I don't feel anything for it would hurt too much so it doesn't yet hurt at all. Just sitting with itJust being with itThe I…
Random.
Today was a calmer day. Used less cocodamol. Swept a bit the mess I made last night with what I did. Ate too much (for what I feel I should eat. Honestly I'm also grateful I ate more than I wanted to). Not sure how come I've used less but I did. Tried to get…
Letter to myself 10th August. I love you.
E I love you. I don't know how to take your pain away. And I guess I don't need to take your pain away. You're allowed to hurt. You're allowed to exist. You're allowed to be. I know you can't hear me. I know you don't believe me. I'll keep telling you until you know…
How do you perceive the world?
I just wrote this. Not sure what I'm trying to say with it .. Sometimes I feel like everyone sees things so differently to me. I just saw a post on Instagram about fat phobia and my only thought was, but why would someone think or feel that way? Like obviously everyone likes everyone and…
Journey to life 