Is suicide the solution?

Suicide. It’s a word that scares many and brings hope to others. I started my blog elizareasonstolive (which for now is down) when I wanted to focus on the reasons to live, rather than reasons to die. I would post reasons to live, at the same time as doing things to end my life. I lived on the edge. Which is what I wanted to do. I wanted suicide, and I wanted to believe in hope.

Hope is the little voice you hear whisper maybe when it seems the entire world is shouting no. (Google image)

Slowly, my life changed. I stopped using, stopped self harming, started eating, and started living in the world. (They’re all still things I can struggle with). I learned what it means to be present. I learnt, am learning, boundaries. And I learnt a lot about myself. I always thought it was about the end destination. About getting somewhere. Instead, I learnt that it was about the journey.

The journey is the destination.

I learnt that the journey is the destination. I started my current blog when I wanted a space to ramble and write things that weren’t just reasons to live or that offered hope. Writing gave me a lot. Writing is the best therapy I could ever have given to myself. When I wrote letters to myself I accessed a part of myself that I never knew existed. I never knew I could talk to myself nicely. I never knew that there was any part of me that believed I was worth it.

You are worth it (google image)

Today, today I can’t say my life is perfect, but today I’m happy to embrace the imperfection. There is so much I want from my life. I’d love to know who I am and what I want from my life. I’m looking forward to learning it. Life is a learning game.

More than I’m grateful to be alive I’m grateful that I’m grateful to be alive.

For the most part, I’m grateful that I have this chance. There are times I can get stuck in my head, and the biggest thing I’m focusing on at the moment is to stop overthinking. To live. To be. I’m trying to live in this world and not leave this world to live instead in my head.

Nothing and no one is perfect. No one has it easy. Not everyone feels guilty for living. Not everyone knows that by living they’re hurting others. I’ve learned, am learning, to let go of others. To be myself, for myself. I’m learning who I am. And, life is a learning game.

My blog is a positive space. I want it to stay that way. It’s a space where I share some awesome pictures – I love taking photographs even though I don’t publish most.

It’s a space that I want to use to spread love, light, and glitter. I can’t say I use it well, but really it’s just my space. A space I’m grateful for and where I’ve met some awesome people.

Remember, you are worth it. When you reach rock bottom, there is a way up. Don’t believe anyone who tells you it’s easy. Or that it’s your fault. Or that you’re crazy. There is not always another choice. Someone once told me that self harming was my way of looking after myself. And she was right. I was taking care of myself, coping, the best way I knew how. Also, don’t believe anyone who tells you there’s no hope. For there is always hope. I used to feel I was trapped. That no matter how much I tried I was and would always be stuck. I wasn’t depressed. There just wasn’t a way out. And suicide was the best answer. I’m not actually sure how come what I did to myself never harmed me. But I’m not going to complain. I can’t say I’m grateful that I was born. I can say that once I’m here I’m going to make the most of it and try to use every moment. I know life is just temporary. And that you are worth it and way stronger than you believe.

Love, light, and glitter

Suicideforum.com/community is an awesome peer support that I’m grateful for.

Metanoia – suicide – read this first

A reason

Wordless Wednesday

If I wasn’t running I’d have gotten more pictures. I’ve kinda stopped posting pictures here because once I’ve posted it here I won’t post them elsewhere. Just for today… (I’m posting this for Linda inspired me to as I’m liking her WordlessWednesday posts)

2 geese next to each other, their necks crossed over each other - fighting
Their necks are crossed over each other
2 geese, buting each other
2 geese. Looking away from each other. Ignoring.

Photo for the day – flower blooming

A purple blooming flower atop a stem. In the background the lake and trees behind it are blurred

Really I took a lot of pictures today. Was thinking of doing a Linda’ish post, taking you on my walk with me. Sharing the pictures of the baby squirrel who came really close to me (who i had to leave as the baby/toddler with me was getting scared of it. Why is she scared of a squirrel and not of the geese, birds, kitten we met, or dogs???) Maybe when I have time.

Love, light and glitter

Gratitude challenge: Day 17

Gratitude Challenge

Day 17: What in nature are you grateful for?

Everything. I don’t think I can choose a specific thing. A couple pictures from the past week.

All my pictures are always taken on the automatic setting and are unedited/filtered. I love the raw beauty of the world.

In the left half of the picture is a tree , the bare branches of it, through it and a bit to the side you see a pond surrounded by bushes.
Yellow daffodils with blue sky
Flowers and buds
Left and right are tree trunks, behind it - between - is a pond with bushes.

If you have any pictures to share please link them so that I can see…

Gratitude challenge day 17: Write about your favourite part of the day.

That’s a tough one. I’m not really doing anything nowadays. The best part of the day is probably looking outside and seeing blue sky. And holding my niece. Last night when I was up all night I heard animals and birds singing and talking. That was amazing…

What’s the best part of your day?


Love, light, and glitter

Gratitude challenge: Day 15

Gratitude Challenge

Day 15: What sounds are you grateful for?

3 birds facing different directions on the sand
I’m grateful for the sounds of birds as they sing,
Trees
For the trees as they rustle is the wind.

I’m grateful for sound of voices, with all the varied lilts and choices.

I’m grateful for all the sounds I do hear, for they all are so dear.

I’m grateful for the sounds of a childs laughter,

for the crashing of lightning of thunder,

Im grateful for the sound of a babys cry

for the water as it ripples by,
I’m grateful for the sound of the leaves as they flutter to the ground
For the pitter, patter of the squirrel as it comes around (Linda, I took this picture for you a long while ago).
I’m grateful for the sound of the ocean crashing
For the sound of rain falling
For the sound of geese hissing (hear the birds chirping?)
Of gulls and swans fighting
For the sound of a cat running

I’m grateful for all the sounds of life, though my favourite is nature and children. I learn from listening. I learn from stillness. I’m grateful for all the sounds I hear.

I was thinking of taking out those I don’t have pictures for (I do, but am not including family photos).

Gratitude challenge day 15: Write down five things that you like about yourself.

Hmm. I like my loyalty. I like my innocence, what people think of as naivety. I like how I believe the good in everyone. I like how I keep trying, sometimes. I like that I love knowledge and learning.

What are 5 things you like about yourself????


Love, light, and glitter