The cult within the culture

If I’d title this I’d title it the cult of culture. I’m not titling it because I’m password protecting it due to the negativity of this post.

I’ve unpasswprded it now cuz it’s old and you may read it. No idea what it says.

I’ve not yet written it. Will I write it? I don’t know. I know how much it’s been bugging me. If I start writing, and it’s helpful to continue I will. If it’s unhelpful I’ll just leave it as it is. Like when I was frustrated about something, talking about it wouldn’t change anything, just make me more upset, whereas seeing what would be and leaving it to deal with when I had more information would make it okay. On the other hand, writing and venting actually makes it possible to let go.

The cult of culture. I think culture is a really true term because it includes the word cult.

I hate the culture I live in. I mean really, seriously and truly hate. It’s the primary reason that at the moment I haven’t been working through what I believe. For I hate Judaism. I don’t hate judaism. I love the ethos of judaism. I love all I have come to believe and understand. I find the principles of judaism align with most the true principles of all religions, and science. The essence of what I consider to be judaism is, in a couple of sentences, that the entire world is energy, created from energy (big bang), part of this energy and that we’re a part of this energy all the time. All religions will tell you how to connect to this energy best. Whether they say that the energy took on a form and spoke to them, or someone was able to tune into this energy and fathom it completely. Some of the bloggers I love, I’m thinking of a couple – if I was writing this publicly I’d link them (edit: Thank you M and A for writing) – live this energy, are just, real, connected people. One of the friends I have that I love (TC, I’ll probably send this to you) lives this. It’s why I love them so much. They’re just so real, and connected, and true.

So, I love the essence of judaism. I’m not against judaism per se. I don’t know what I believe, though the more I just let it be, somehow the more I care to keep to it, and the more I’m able to, and do, tune into a reality more than me. Noticing all the awesomeness, like the light turning red for me to cross the road just when I get there, or the light turning green just when I get there in the car. Or even the light turning red when I get there in the car. It’s all connection. If I let it be. It’s all reality. If I let it be. Everything and nothing. This is so not what I planned on writing :).

I’m living in a culture that I really feel is a cult. Where I listen to the girls asking questions and hear how they aren’t given answers that are real and true. Which is such a shame, for the questions they ask, I can answer without even drawing on judaism or religion. The questions they ask I can answer – I wouldn’t. It’s not my place.

My workmates were discussing today how someone who is 22 feels like she is behind because she doesn’t have children yet. Someone told me that her friend who is married for 9 months asked her to pray for her to have children. This person is 19. 19. She has hopefully got 80% of her life ahead of her. She’s got time. Time to live. Time to know herself. Time to know her husband. Yet where she lives she feels there is an issue. Because although she is only a little girl she doesn’t have children, and everyone does.

They don’t think for themselves. They follow the leader like blind sheep. Do what everyone does. And no, this isn’t just judaism. It’s the world. It’s the cult within the culture. It’s the way a 12 year old boy in a school created for the children who couldn’t fit into any public school system asked my friend who was teaching him if he is normal. He wondered if he was normal that he was heterosexual. He wondered if there was something wrong with him that he was following the general path of humanity. Because his entire class consisted of people who identified with the LGBTQA spectrum. His class all identified with it. He was the odd one out. Hello???????? LGBTQA is meant to be, will be, the minority. Do I honestly believe that his entire class were really on it? No. There’s such a big deal about labelling and fitting in that they all identified with one or the other. Which 12 year old really is developed enough to know themselves? Asides that everyone messes around and has fun. That doesn’t require a label. Or the need to wonder if you’re normal because you’re not abnormal. I’m not saying anyone LGBTQA is crazy. I identify with at least one of the labels if not another one. I don’t label myself with any though, for I don’t need to fit into the cult of the culture. Really because I’m only young and my life can and will change. My reality of today won’t necessarily be my reality of tomorrow.

The cult in culture. Where everyone does the same. Where people follow the leader without thinking or believing or being. Where a religious jew won’t be friends with someone who they were friends with because they aren’t religious. I often wonder what will happen if I come to see that Judaism isn’t the truth. Will my friends suddenly drop me? Will my friends show me that they aren’t really my friends after all? Is that the only thing binding them together? Is that the only thing that’s reality? Is the cult within the culture the only truth? It’s not just religious jews. It’s religious anyone’s. Religious anyones who try to preach their truth and think it’s the only truth that exists. Religious anyones who think they have to ‘be mekarev’ (draw close) anyone who is different to them for their way is the only truth and the only reality and they have to believe. If you don’t believe, you’re who knows what.

It’s the cult within the culture. The people who look at the world as black and white. The people who don’t see the shades of grey. The people who think their reality is the only one and can’t fathom a reality different to theirs. Like those who think that if I don’t know if I want to have children there is something wrong with me. There isn’t. I just don’t think it’s really right to bring children into the world. The people who ask me why I don’t answer ‘amen’ when they bless me from the goodness of their hearts that I should be married and have a child within a year. I definitely don’t want to have a child in a year. Bless me to find the connection with a person I love, and bless me to find a person I can love and connect to, to build a healthy, happy, growing relationship with. Bless me with what I want, not what you believe is the only truth. The people cannot fathom that someone can think something different to them. Anyone who thinks differently is crazy. Must be crazy. It’s not just them. It’s those who think they’re open- minded.

Look at the new regulations with OFSTED. The regulations that say one has to teach about different cultures and LGBTQA. Those, who in their efforts to demarginalise the marginalised, end up margnisalising the other marginalised. The same way I think there should be the freedom for people to be who they are, I think there should be freedom for people to be who they are. Just as those who are atheist have a right to be. The religious have a right to be. Both have the right, by existing, to be who they are. To practice what they believe. I don’t necessarily agree with their methods of teaching – scrap that, I don’t agree with their methods of teaching. I do think that they have as much right not to teach anything they don’t want to as others have the right to teach what they want to.

The cult within the culture. It makes me so crazy. And wonder if there is any way of every living without it. Of living with peace and connection. If there is a way that I’ll ever be able to live a religious jewish life – if I choose that path, if I come to know that it’s my truth – without living in a cult. Without living with the cult within the culture.

I thought I was going to password protect this. I thought it was going to be much more a specific rant. Which it isn’t. Instead I’ll just edit the parts. The parts that discuss how specific people bend over backwards to accommodate people, believe in letting others be hurt, and their boundaries be trampled, in the desire to keep people connected to a cult(ure). The examples of specific people that really bothered me. They’re scared that necessary, healthy boundaries will push the people away. Not realising that letting others be hurt because those boundaries don’t exist isn’t the way to go. That people if they’re pushed away because of boundaries, it’s their issue, has to be their issue, that you’re not living in a cult, the be it end all shouldn’t be about keeping people connected to the cult(ure) but about true connection. True love. About reality. Not about the cult within the culture. It made me feel so angry hearing what someone said yesterday. Hearing how someone said to handle something. I understood where they were coming from. It just felt like it was coming from a place of cult like behaviour. Didn’t ‘feel’ like. For it was. It is. Though as I said, every culture is a cult. I wonder if there is a way of living with the beauty and truth without the cult of it. I wonder.

I’m not actually re-reading this. I know it’s really a mixture of a few different things. I wanted to write this when I was really frustrated about some specific things. I’m not actually frustrated or resentful at all at the moment. At the moment I just see it as a problem with the entire world in general. I don’t just see the specific culture I’m a part of that I hate – and wanted to rant about – I see how so many cultures of the world really fit their titles of ‘cult’ure. I also see the people who don’t live this way (this is a post I wanted to reblog). The people who live and accept and love everyone. I see as I said above the beauty and truth and love that can be a part of these different cultures. As I said to a friend of mine – you did xyz which although may be against protocol because you trusted it was okay to do so, because you live in a culture where the level of respect and privacy is high enough that what you did should have been okay. What she did wasn’t okay. Because she trusted someone else. Which she shouldn’t have. But the culture I’m a part of allows for that trust. There is a beauty there. They both exist. Is there a way???? Of living without the cult of the culture? Of living within the awesomeness of a culture without the cult aspect of it???

I don’t know if I’m right with the way I feel. I think I am. Am I really? I don’t know. If you’ve any different thoughts I’d love to hear. If you feel the same way of course I’d love to know, but more so if you feel differently or have anything else to add.

Love, light and glitter.