Gratitude challenge: Day 2

Gratitude Challenge

Gratitude question: Who in your life are you grateful for?
Gratitude challenge: Express gratitude to at least one important person in your life.
I love how the question and challenge of today align. Please join in whichever way works for you.. I’d love to hear your answers!

Who in your life are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for the people in my life who are here for me and always support me. In particular you all, my wordpress friends. There are people in real life who I share my life with, but it’s mostly an edited version. I’ll share after the fact, more than at the time. Primarily because they’re either busy, or I know they’re not equipped to support me however much they care. I’m learning to be more open with people in real life. I’m grateful for my friends, in particular that I’m making friends with someone really random, such a light random relationship that isn’t like me and I’m grateful I can do that. I’m grateful for one group of workmates, who share random things and laughter, that I can be a part of it and enjoy it.

Challenge: Express gratitude to at least one important person in your life.

I’ll have to think of the challenge. There is one particular person I’d like to thank and I’m not sure how to. Maybe just a thank you text or email for the support he has given. Well, that was my plan… He actually emailed me yesterday, so in response I’m just going to say thank you. Some of the most important people in my life are my family – with all the good and the bad. So I’m going to try and express my appreciation to some of them.

Who in your life are you grateful for?

I’d love to hear your answers. If it’s as a blog post please link it so that I can see it.

Love, light and glitter

Rambling 98673

I’m wondering if it was my imagination that I was okay.

Took cocodamol and if I wasn’t cutting off I would be scaring myself. I’m not crossing into the danger zone as of now but way too close for my liking. It wasn’t meant to be this way. I thought that was it with self harm or messing up my life. I was trying to build my life. And I thought I was doing so. Building a life for myself however slowly. I guess I really was. Working more. Working through what I believe. Connecting to a source, to people. Building health relationships with people and putting boundaries in place with others. The only thing I was messing with was food and it was okay. It really was okay. Unless I’m imagining that it was okay and really it wasn’t. I don’t know. Today is today. I don’t want to have to deal with any of this. I don’t know what is behind any of it. At the moment it doesn’t seem too daunting – coz I’ve cut off from it. Reminds me how grateful I always was for being present. And the plans I was making for how to learn what I feel, to be present with what I feel. Why’m I rambling? I want to use more (cocodamol). For now not going to, will see if I can get to sleep first, since I’m not sure how safe it’ll be to take another 8. I know I’ve used more than 40 in the past. It’s so easy to take when you swallow (2 plus years ago when I was using I used soluble). Going to try and sleep. Was listening to a song earlier about god being with you always. Was wondering if there is a source of the world really with me. It’s possible, even if I can’t see why this is what a source would be wanting for me (and it’s not what I’m choosing. I really didn’t choose this). Writing too much. Let’s hope this makes some sort of sense. It’s too much became it’s not like I’m actually saying anything. I don’t want this – the messing my life up – for my life. So I’ll have to figure something out. Even if I was never meant to be in this place of destruction and never meant to have to figure it out. Though as I said, maybe it was just my imagination that I was okay. I know it wasn’t my imagination, but that makes the most sense for what is now. I know, I don’t need to rationalise anything, and I’ll figure it out later. I wish I didn’t have to do this. I wish this wasn’t my reality. I wish I could just go back to what was and continue the upwards trajectory. You know, using has one benefit I never expected. I’ve cut off enough that in a sense I can see what I want more. I really won’t appreciate all the scars I’ve given myself. If I wasn’t here right now I would accept them much more. And I really should stop here.

Love, light and glitter 

Edit. Its nearly 7am. Been dozing on and off. Feeling dizzy, icky and been throwing up nothing. Travelling tonight and really want to be okay by then. (Somehow need to pack whilst feeling like this). When I’m away I won’t be messing up at all. That’s my plan. To then figure it out when back. And for now need to find a way to feel better. I used to like the dazedness of cocodamol. Really not feeling very good.

I’m tired, and wish this weren’t my reality. I was never meant to mess up with anything ever again. That was my plan anyways. I’m not sure what happened to derail it. And I know that isn’t important now. I just really wish it wasn’t what it is. I didn’t ask for it. And however much it’s obviously all my choices I don’t see how or where it ever really was a choice. That’s not what I came on to write. Now I just want to feel better (physically) and wonder if there is a way to.

Quote for the day – gratitude

What if today we were just grateful for everything?

Image result for what if today we were just grateful for everything
What if today we were just grateful for everything

What if today we were just grateful for everything? What if? How cool would think so. How awesome would that be? Not just thank you for the good. Like noticing the little things – the blue sky, the lack of rain, the trees, the light that changes when you get there so you don’t have to wait. Being grateful for everything. Realising that everything plays a part in forming us into who we are. So, how about next time I have to wait for the light to change I try and be grateful to have to practice patience. How about next time someone is upset with me I’m grateful that I learn to either be quiet or how to respectfully be assertive. How about the next time something really bothers me I’m grateful for the lessons I can learn. I don’t think it’ll just happen. I think the attitude is one I want to develop. One I want to live with. I’m trying to notice and say ‘thank you’ for all the little things. I’m not yet very good at it. I want it to be a part of my day. The ‘yay, the sky is blue’ dance. The hooray, I get to run in the rain! I want to be grateful for the little things. For the good things. And for the negative. For although I hate the negative, being grateful can only help me. And it reminds me, this quote, of all the random acts of kindness people do. How being open to what can be allows what can be to come to you. Someone was saying on her blog recently about energy. I liked what she had to say. For being open allows it to come to you. I don’t necessarily live with it. I want to though. I want to be open to all the possibilities life can bring. I need options that I don’t have. I want to be open to them so that the options that don’t yet exist can fall into my lap. For they can. They really and truly can. I need career options. Studying options. Options for getting help. Options I don’t have at the moment. I want to be open to possibility. And, to be grateful. Grateful for everything. For everything that is. For everything that isn’t. For all the possibilities. What if today we were just grateful for everything? What if? How awesome would that be?

Image result for what if today we were just grateful for everything

I definitely didn’t plan on this ramble 🙂

And, do I post this now or leave it till tomorrow so that I won’t have posted 3 posts in the same day??? I wouldn’t have posted the rainbow pictures if I knew I’d write other posts. The post about culture, I planned on being much more of a rant about how society is a cult, and it being a private post. Oh well, I’m just going to post this now. Post 3 for the day.

Love, light and glitter! I so need to create a love, light and glitter image.

Eliza