I dialogue journalled last night for at least a couple hours. There's both what I need in order to stop, and what I need or needs to change so that I don't need the destruction. In order to stop I just need support. What that would look like is people checking in with me. Believing…
Journalling 103 (5) GP App and referrals
I saw my GP today. Last week wrote up with him a referral for the CMHT. I asked him for a copy of the letter the therapist from primary care services sent to him. I called up primary care services for a copy and they told me my GP can give me a copy. Her…
I want to stop using.
There. I said it. I want to stop using. I don't like to post twice in a day. But I'm going to post this anyways... I feel like I can't breathe. I'm scared to want to stop. I'm scared because I know I need it. I'm scared because it gives me a handle on life.…
MBSR (3) – Mindfulness and grounding
What does mindfulness mean? What is mindfulness? What does mindfulness do? The way I'd put it simply is being present. To be mindful is to be aware. To be present. Am some people think mindfulness is the same as meditation. Meditation is focus and stillness and is really a different ballgame. It's got some similarities…
Protected: Journaling 103 (2). NHS therapist
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Trigger warning.
Not for under 18s. There's nothing to write for it's all just lies and more lies. I don't know what's reality and what's not. What's reality? Right now I'm sitting on the floor leaning against my bed. I feel the floor. I feel the bed. I feel tears in my eyes. I see the screen.…
MBSR – mindfulness course, thoughts (1)
Just noticed that my upper arms were tense. But coz I noticed it they aren't so much (often when I tune into something it's too much so isn't there) . I'm definitely more aware of my body. Ive been writing out some of my last letters to myself, in them I was often grounding myself…
Letter to myself: 16th August 2020. I love you and I’m glad you’re here.
Dear E I'm glad you're here. I'm grateful to be on this journey. And I'm hopeful for where this journey could lead. I'm with you always E, and I will be with you always. Through the ups and through the downs. Keep rebuilding. Take the pieces and create something new. You get to choose what…
Dialogue with myself about Hope and Destruction
19th July 2020 E, who is running the show?Life, I think.What does 'Life' look like?Not Life. Hope is.What does 'Hope' look like?Not like Destruction. What does Destruction look like?I can't see because it is so all encompassing that it is everything so not possible to define it.What does Hope want?Love.Can you give Hope Love?No. I…
Inner child
I often would fantasise at night. As in imagine myself in a situation. Not healthy fantasies. I've been listening to ACA meetings - adult children of alcoholics. My parents weren't alcoholics for the record. I've really related to it. The depiction of feelings. Of black and white thinking. Approval. Can go on. So the last…
Journey to life 