Hmm. This is a tough one. I’m really not sure. There’s no one I can really think of. There’s actually someone who modelled some of what I really should learn from, but she’s the worst person to choose for a role model. There isn’t really anyone in real life that I know that is really happy and/or living a similar kinda life to me.
I’m going to choose recovery related. TC for showing me what recovery looked like. She’s someone who is genuine, and mostly happy. Who is working towards her dreams… and building them (I hope! For I’m waiting to see the end result). Bike rider Jim an example of what happiness in recovery is. S.S who lives the kinda recovery life I plan on – using what she did in a healthy way today.
Gratitude challenge day 20: Catch aco-worker someone doing a good job and thank them for it.
I learnt how to be just a bit. I learnt how to tune into a source. I learnt to pause before reacting. I learnt some patience. I learnt that life is a journey we’re all travelling on and the point is the journey not the destination. I’ve learnt to keep my boundaries more. I’ve learnt that if I do something negative I can leave it at that, it doesn’t have to mean more. I learnt to live more that I attribute the meaning to anything. I learnt a bit about a source of the world. I learnt… I can go on and on. I’m grateful for all I’ve learnt.
what is one thing (or more 🙂 ) that you’ve learnt?
Gratitude challenge day 19: Sign up to volunteer for a day in your community.
Day 14: What recent challenge are you grateful for?
I’m grateful for the last time I messed up – a few months ago. I’m grateful because of all it taught me. I’m grateful because seeing what it was like for me then, using to burn and burning, actually showed me how far I’d come. Everything in life can be a stumbling block or stepping stone. I stumbled. I fell. And I hope I used the month of messing up to learn how much going present means to me. I hope it taught me to be grateful. I hope I used it to grow. I’m grateful for it because it makes me appreciate where I am today, that I’m here just being, not messing my life up. I’m grateful because of the appreciation it gave me, awareness, for the journey, and that messing up is just a part of the journey of life.
Gratitude challenge day 14: Spend the day being an optimist.
Day 13: What season of the year are you grateful for?
I love the months of spring, when it begins to get warm, more and more, we hear the birds call. Buds sprout, plants grow, there’s no need, for the sun to lie low. I love spring, a season of hope, a season that tells us, don’t mope. Months of renewal, the days get longer, I hope that with it, our hearts get bigger.
Gratitude challenge day 13: List 3 things that you like about your job.
It’s a way of giving back.
I like my workmates in one of my jobs, and the other it’s a good work on my character to see the good in the good people who I don’t necessarily appreciate.
Overcoming. I find the word weird. I’d love to hear your answers!
The biggest thing I’ve overcome recently is living with an eating disorder. If the question wasn’t recently I’d answer with something different. For the past couple of months I’ve been eating foods that I haven’t in years. When I stopped eating a few years ago I didn’t eat anything for a few months and then slowly started eating more and more, and then I’d cycle between obsessively eating only really healthy foods, eating way too much or what felt like way too much, doing something about it, and not eating, then having to get myself to eat again when I couldn’t handle it – not eating makes me dizzy and spiral.
How do I know this isn’t part of the cycle when any part of the cycle could last from a few days to a few months? I know it isn’t because I’m eating foods I haven’t eaten in years. Foods that make no sense to have been on my banned list, but the list was arbitrary. I don’t know why all the foods were on there. And I eat so few foods as it is, nothing to do with eating disorders, that having even one food on there limits my options, like, a lot.
It just feels different now. There’s no obsessiveness, which, regardless what part of the cycle I was at, there always was. I’ve gained some weight, and although I want to lose it so that my clothes can fit, I’m okay with it. For this moment I don’t hate my body and am just okay. I want to be healthy to take care of myself, not as an ED.
I know I can slip up. Same way that a few months ago I messed up. After 2 years of not self harming in a way that’s obviously self harm, and 2 years of no using cocodamol, I did. I burned and used for a month. That doesn’t mean I didn’t stop. It doesn’t mean I won’t slip up here too. Especially when it comes to a few months time which is when I originally stopped eating, or the new year which has always been triggering. It means that for now I’m really grateful to be here, where I am. It means that for now I’m grateful I’m living beyond eating disordered behaviour or thinking, and whilst ever it is, I’m grateful for it.
Gratitude challenge day 12: Recognise today as a gift.
The UK is in lockdown from today. I’m actually really grateful for that. That it is. It eases some of the anxiety I’ve been living with. The fear of catching it and passing it on to my vulnerable sister or parents who aren’t yet elderly.
I loved the video. I haven’t been going out since Thursday but I’ve been getting dressed every day. I’m not putting on makeup because my eyes are sore, but hopefully when they’re healed, I can spend time doing that. Being on lockdown doesn’t mean spending all day every day in pjs. Or, it can. Or it can mean dressing up for oneself. Dressing up to face a new day. Either just getting dressed, or completely dressing up.
Today is a gift. I’m so grateful to be here today.
Here, where I am. Here, in this world. Someone has been talking to me in the last few days. She often has but usually she’d want me to be there after the fact. Listening to her now shows me where I was. The freaking out and inability to handle a single moment of being. I’m not where I want to be. Although I’m learning that wherever I am is where I want to be.
The journey is the destination.
That the journey is the destination. That the struggle is where life is. That the changes are by the way.
Life. Life is a gift. A gift I’m not necessarily always grateful for. A gift nonetheless. A gift I sometimes really appreciate. Hey, maybe it really did help to write every night as I used to ‘god, thank you for another day of life’ even when I didn’t want it. At all. Life is a gift.
There is so much I want to learn. One day I’d love to know what I feel when I feel it. One day I’d love to know what I believe when I decide it’s the right time to work it through. One day I’d love all my perceptions and choices to be based on the present, not the past. One day I’d love to know who I am and what I want from my life. One day. One day I’d love to live in the present, as this year is about not overthinking, just being. Every day, every single day, on the way to the ‘there’, is a gift. The journey is a gift I’m grateful for. And the ‘there’ constantly changes. There is always further to go. There is always more to learn, more to give, more to be. The ‘there’ is the now.
Life is a gift. And today, today is a gift.
Today’s gratitude challenge is to recognise today as a gift.
Today is a gift. It may be harder to recognise with the lockdown. Or maybe the lockdown will give time to really be, and appreciate the gift of today. The gift of every day.
I’m looking forward for the time. The time to spend with my family. The time to be. The time to listen to classes I always want to but have never had time to focus on. I’m grateful for time.
Wasn’t my plan to ramble anything for this, so going to leave it here. That for today I’m going to try and recognise today as a gift.