I was dialogue journalling before. And, it made me feel crazy. Coz of the way I was splitting myself. Normally I’m dialogue journalling then it’s, I don’t have the words to describe it. I dialogue with myself to understand what’s going on (I can actually probably do it without writing but never do).
I decided to do this yesterday cuz I wanted to order something online. I was researching it and deciding whether to buy it (turns out it’s not so simple to buy but that’s besides the point). And buying it makes it so certain. Coz this is public I’m not comfortable going into more detail. Read whatever you want into it, however dark you get is okay. I actually texted SHOUT which was a waste of time. Anyways, I realised I was hesitant to order it, to be so definite, to make it so certain. So last night began journaling it through. Coz realised there must be a part of me that wants life if I’m hesitating to buy it. So this morning I began journaling with that part, then decided to let them dialogue with each other (both just scared to say hello coz can wanting only death and wanting only life coexist). Anyways, so yeah I’m feeling crazy. And there’s zero connection between me and my words anyways. So I dunno anyways if I’m creating something that doesn’t exist. And. Yeah.
Editing this to add what I wrote on Instagram.