I began writing about saying no. And I wanted to continue it.

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I've been writing a lot about responsibility. Whether I'm responsible or not. Shared some on @e.journeytolife . The more I'm writing the more I'm seeing. I said no to someone I've only said no to when I'm unable to help her. For the past month I've been saying no to someone I've gone out my way for almost always. I'm not saying I don't feel at all guilty! But that I think I'm seeing a bit of where it comes from. I've always been responsible for others. I know I've written about it here before. I think some of it is also the point that if I exist, it has to be for others. If I'm doing for others it justifies my existence, makes it okay that I'm living, breathing, taking up space in the world. Which, I don't. I'm allowed to say no. I'm allowed to exist. In my own right. Do I believe that? Not really. I'm seeing it. I will believe it. #mentalhealthjourney #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthblogger #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealth #bpdwarrior #addictionrecovery #selfharmrecovery #bpdrecovery #addictionwarrior #anxiety #socialanxiety #eatingdisorderrecovery #suicidality #suicidal #suicidalideation #living #relationships #navigatingrelationships #jewishmentalhealth #jews4mentalhealth #jewishgirl #jewish #adultchildrenofalcoholics #innerchild #cptsd #ptsd

A post shared by Eliza (@elizajtl) on

I said no. I actually said no.

It’s both strange, and awesome. Amazing that I put myself first.

I was asked to do something really small. It wasn’t really what I was asked to do that was hard. It was that she constantly calls me. That she can call me 5 times in a day. Every time she needs my help. It’s too much. It was the way she’d tell me not to worry when I couldn’t help. It was too much for me. So this time when she asked I said no. When the other day she asked if I can check something up on the internet I told her that I wouldn’t be able to do anything on the internet for her.

I called my friend E to tell her that I said no. E said that she thinks I always felt responsible for others happiness. I think it’s more than that. I’ve felt responsible for their lives. When S said she was going to kill herself, that meant it’s my responsibility for her to live.

I’ve always been responsible. Not for peoples happiness. For their okayness. So when said friend needed something, I had to do it. Because it’s my responsibility.

Which of course. It isn’t.

A person can only carry a certain amount of responsibility. When I took responsibility for everyone I never took any responsibility for myself. Over the past couple years I’ve been letting go of the responsibility I was holding for others and taking responsibility for myself. Then finding the balance of still asking for help because when I took responsibility for myself I had to go to the other extreme first. Hey. I think I’m actually doing that. Not that I can easily ask for help. I can’t. I can accept help and take responsibility for myself.

So the instagram post I shared above is really why I started writing this. I just haven’t actually done so. I guess I’ll continue in another post as this is too disjointed.

18 thoughts on “Relationships, boundaries and responsibility 2”

  4. We’re taught from a young not to say no in many cases. Because we weren’t allowed to disagree with our parents. I wonder if this is why so many of us have a hard time saying it to others? Making me think now 🤔 Anyway I have great respect for your courage to say no. I believe it’s a sign of self respect. Wishing you well, AP2 🙏

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    1. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I appreciate it.
      I think that’s definitely a large part of it.
      It is self respect. Believing I’m allowed to…..

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  5. (:
    proud. very, very proud.
    *strangles you with hug*
    their okayness is not your responsibility- you’re right, there’s only so much you can carry around with you. E, you stepped back. you said no. kudos to you!! that’s awesome.

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  8. Hopefully you will feel like you have more energy now that you learned to say no.

    No, you are not responsible for anyone but yourself (of course parents are responsible for kids but only AFTER themselves).

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    1. I wrote that on Instagram image. That of course there are some responsibilities.

      No more energy. Yes more freedom. Maybe one day the energy will come.

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