Dear E

Welcome to a new day. Of possibility. Of hope. Of sunshine.

I just wanted to drop you a line to tell you how proud I am of you.
I’m proud that you’re here.
I’m proud of you for choosing life, or not choosing death- the easy way out.
I’m proud of you for practicing mindfulness.
I’m proud of you for showing up.
I’m proud of you for distracting yourself.
I’m proud of you for focusing why live. (Instagram – reasons to live)
I’m proud of you for reaching out to others.
I’m proud of you for trying to get help.
I’m proud of you for letting go of those who you wanted to be here for you and who aren’t.
I’m proud of you for keeping a lot more to your boundaries.
I’m proud of you for trying to do good things.
I’m proud of you E no matter what your choices are.
I’m proud of you because you’re trying, even if you believe there is only ‘do’ or ‘don’t’ and you’re not ‘doing’. Because E, because you ARE doing.
You’re practicing mindfulness every single day. You’re reaching out to others however infrequently. You’re journaling however infrequently. You’ve joined a once a week ACA call (6 weeks). You’ve called others. You’re writing gratitudes. You’re writing reasons to live. You’re eating more and letting yourself however much you hate and guilt yourself for it. You’re changing your self talk and are more aware of thought spirals. You are here. That is called ‘doing’. So there is only ‘do’ or ‘don’t’ and not try. You are doing E. You’re doing life.

I love you E. And I’m with you always. I will always be with you. I will always love you. You’ll never be alone for you’ll always have me with you.

I believe in you and I know you’ll get there. You will live life.
You will live a life of love.
You will live a life of peace.
You will live life without destruction.
You will live a life of hope.
You will live a life of giving.
You will live a life of rebuilding.
You will live a life of creation.
You will live a life of beauty.
You will live a life of connection – connection to yourself, to others, to your inner consciousness, and the consciousness of the world.
You will live a life of choice.
You will live a life of embracing your responsibilities.
You will live a life without others responsibilities.
You will live a life of freedom.
You will live a life of living.
So long as you’re here, so long as you choose life, you will live life.
You will live a life.

I love you.

Always and forever,

E

18 thoughts on “LTM: 14th September 2020

  1. I saw the post (that you have removed) you put up on the 15th. I hope that you removed it because you saw that it was just another downward spiral….
    I am planning on reading your posting after sukkot.
    I am not a liar. (mostly)
    I do care, even though it is a different kind of care that I could execute prior to COVID.
    This reply, is what I can do.
    This and, express my love for you (Yes, and of course you are a person whom I have never met, yet, over the months of reading your posts, I have come to love you.)
    Take care. Dr. Bob

    Like

    1. I didn’t want the person it was about to perchance read it and recognise themselves and get hurt. I journalled. Realised why I wanted to self harm (just a stupid comment that was a nice comment) and thankfully didn’t. Though it took until now to be ready to try to sleep.
      I’ve read all the comments here though haven’t responded to any on the last few posts either than this. Don’t have headspace to figure how else to reply to you. Don’t want you to be scared I was hurt with you. Thank you for being here. You and everyone here mean a lot to me. Post 8 for me to write about when I next have headspace. Words and sentences blurring. Gnight. Thank you.

      Like

  2. wow, E. this is awesome. this is GREAT!
    i’m proud of you too, E. more than words can say.
    “you will live.” three words more powerful than even “i love you.”
    shine. bloom. grow.
    you are a S T A R!
    love always,
    [gotw}

    Like

  3. Electric, Eliza. What a list! Those of us by your side have noticed many of the same things. So too have you, obviously.

    As we discussed in another post, striking among your qualities is your honesty. As life unfolds, you assess it plainly, all aspects. Some things could use care, and naturally, it’s useful for you to recognize them.

    Better still, you’re equally candid about the resources you’ve cherished. This gives them a strength and a permanence.

    At the very beginning, you mention the hope each dawn brings. Most definitely! Each day, you find something new (or, often, some things) in your collection. We, your readers, won’t let you forget them. More important, much more important, you won’t either.

    By the way, I love how you changed tenses in your lists. You start off in the present, taking inventory of what you possess, then you move on to the future. “Will”s here, “will”s there, “will”s everywhere. Yes, E has much will – she will survive, and then she’ll thrive!

    Of course you will – just ask any of your own “Elizas” you’re helping.

    Like

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