Wrote this for an Instagram story.

It feels like too much. With details why.

Edit. MBSR course going well. Weeks been way too hard (as all those whose posts I always comment on – I tend to comment on every post of my folliqers/following will know I haven’t been reading much). CMHT app in 2.5 weeks. Had my friends sign up for the MBSR course. Work has been okay – I think I made a new friend. Freaking out at the moment. Not because tuning out. Trying to journal and do mindfulness every day. Know for sure talk therapy isn’t for me. ACA meeting was good. It’s, just is. Too much. But just is. Dunno where too much with paracetamol lies for it doesn’t feel anything. Haven’t bought any cocodamol this week (which is why I’ve been taking paracetamol). Update over. Oh, and I’m going down to a family meal with guests now where going to be light and easy and friendly.


12 thoughts on “Journaling 103 (10) Trigger Warning

  1. I hope we are alive for a brighter future, I hope we will achieve something better.
    Cross the “I hope”. It seems as if no one is suicidal until it happened. Better speak, or write something which could offend someone by accident, instead of dying in silence. Because if someone is dead, then it is too late for a clearing conversation. Or simply life. Stay safe and sending love.


  2. i like to think that when we come to earth, we’re just rough diamonds. uncut. and all the friction we feel- all the pain and the grief and the sadness- it smooths us out. it transforms us into our TRUE selves.
    so, in essence, being alive is a journey to better yourself. being dead doesn’t do much to serve that purpose… so, yeah. that’s it. just choose life. you’ll have another shot ‘cos you’ll come back to earth, but why waste the beautiful time we have here by killing ourselves?
    life is hard. i know. life is too much. i know. but life gets better in the end- it always does. this, too, i know.
    that week sounds… okay-ish. i hope that the dinner was fun!!

    love always,

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Paracetamol can damage your liver and dying by paracetamol OD is horribly painful. Please don’t. Hugs. I hope the CMHT appointment gets brought forward and that it could help. You don’t deserve the suffering you are in. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  4. First, as you say, you are doing it. You’re here.

    I don’t think suicidal necessarily means having a plan. I’m not sure if you wanted to hear that or not.

    Part of you wants to give up, but part of you still hopes. The part that hopes is right. You are a wonderful person with a lot to give, and a lot to live for. I know you don’t believe me now, but one day hopefully you will. I know, because I’ve been there too (not exactly where you were, but also suicidal). Things can change.

    Re: therapy, when I was 16 I was sent for counselling. I couldn’t talk at all, I literally sat there in silence for four hour-long sessions. Then I quit. A few years later, a doctor made me go back. Whether it was because I was a bit older or because I had a different counsellor, this time I was able to talk a lot more. Therapy is hard, and a lot depends on the therapist you get, but if you get the right one, I believe it could help you. I know you’ve spoken about feeling more comfortable about writing than speaking… In the past I’ve written stuff and emailed it to therapists, or printed it and showed them. You can do that if it helps.

    I agree with skinnyhobbit about paracetamol. I nearly ODed on that once (when I came closest to suicide) and I’m so glad I didn’t.

    Keep going! I believe in you!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I didn’t find talk therapy particularly helpful…but then again, maybe I have yet to find the right therapist. Keep on writing it out. Writing is cathartic. Sending lots of good energy, caring thoughts and sparkle hearts you way.

    Liked by 1 person

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