I saw my GP today. Last week wrote up with him a referral for the CMHT.

I asked him for a copy of the letter the therapist from primary care services sent to him. I called up primary care services for a copy and they told me my GP can give me a copy. Her letter was good. She was really clear about how to go further. She suggested HBTT (Home based treatment team).

I asked him about the referral. He told me he hadn’t sent any off. That he would, and he’d send it to both the CMHT (community mental health team) and HBTT along with her letter.

Reading her letter now I’m annoyed. It’s dated the 6th of July and she writes that she hopes that by the time she’s writing this letter he’s made an appointment with me and put a referral through to either CMHT or HBTT. And that if I ever want the primary goal to be to stop using – at this moment it is. I want to stop using. I’m not sure how long that will last, that I’m really ready and want to stop destroying my life – the DBT team will assess and would want either of the other services involved.

Why do I have to google it all and ask him to do the referrals? And I don’t know if anything will come of them. Her last couple paragraphs were really clear recommendations on where exactly to go from here. Her letter was, is, really good. Just nothing has been done with it until now…

I’m not sure if I should just scrap it and go privately. My problem with going privately is that I kinda want someone to be there all the time. I know I’m not going to cope when I stop taking cocodamol. And I want to stop. I’m finding it hard enough to eat as it is – this is even though I’ve been trying to eat more coz of using.

I wrote a list of what I need, what I want, and what needs to change in order to just be okay living life on life’s terms. Well, I didn’t write a list. I dialogue journalled. I’ll put it into a list as another post.

I’m tired…..

Edit. He said my blood results were all okay except fat something which is normal when haven’t been eating enough, and muscles. I think I may have a muscle issue as it is but I can’t know if they’re lower than they would be, so some day can check them again.

As I walked out I said to him that I can’t stop using until he’s done this because I can’t stop without having any support in place. (It’s just not possible).

Had a staff meeting today. Was freaking out for most of it. Not sure how it will be to be back at work next week. It could be really good for me. Or it could be a spectacular fail. I’m keeping an open mind to what’s possible.

I was trying to and want to make a plan. I don’t know if there’s any point trying to plan how to go forward, what I need or don’t need, if I don’t know whether anything will come of these referrals.


24 thoughts on “Journalling 103 (5) GP App and referrals

    1. I’m happy to go privately if I figure it out. It’s just complicated. I’ve been in touch with 6 private therapists. One didn’t respond. One may be available in a month – I’ll be in touch with her then if relevant. One doesn’t do hard work. One thought I should go the NHS route I think mainly coz of the risk factor, the others don’t have time. And I’d need a therapist who’d be okay with handling crisis mode for a while. I want to stop using. And I’m not going to handle that well. So. Dunno.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow, that sounds complex. It seems like there is a struggle just trying to find someone who will work hard and dedicate the right time. I wish you luck for whichever route you choose, I’m sure it will be the right choice x

        Liked by 1 person

      1. No…. as in, you’re showing determination and courage, as you make a healthy goal and begin to pursue it. You’re doing great to make the decision to stop, and you’re doing great with the steps you’re taking to help facilitate the stopping.

        Liked by 2 people

          1. You don’t need to reply, or even read if you’re too busy! It’s cool. I don’t always reply to every comment, sometimes I just ‘like’ it or send a smiley, it’s absolutely fine. I’ve never felt ignored.

            Liked by 2 people

  1. Eliza, you are in my thoughts. Dealing with bureaucracies is challenging. The timeline with your doctor has to be frustrating! It seems that you must follow up behind almost everyone. I wish you all the best as you are moving forward. ❤ Cheryl

    Liked by 1 person

  2. At first glance – and the most transitory of the interpretations – most frustrating. What is your GP, hourly?

    Wait for more to unfold though, Eliza, and you’ll find reason for encouragement, as you’ve persisted. Rather than letting the GP have the last word, you’ve resolved to keep trying. No matter whether for the time being, or longer-term, you’re keeping to the plan. The path meanders, but the goal is still there.

    You’ve shown us you have what it takes to do this. Much more importantly, Eliza, you’ve shown yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. At first glance, I read your first sentence as “I saw my GOP today” and I thought: that would be a bummer for almost anyone. So I’m glad that I misread it, because who needs that on top of the problems you already have.

    Take care, and be well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. While planning is useless to me, as we can all see by my pitiful falling behind in posting though I managed to crank out a few on my secondary site, it really helps at times. It helps you stay on the road, chart a course and set a goal.
    There’s this quote – A goal without a plan is just a wish….while I’ve gotten a long way without plans, I can see how they would help…just that sticking to one is where it gets hard for me. But I’m sure you can do it, E…I sense the determination in you!
    Also excuse the rant about myself 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love hearing about yourself 🙂
      I haven’t yet made a plan. Well, planned a couple things. Need to make more of a plan. Also just be open to whatever the universe sends to me.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m sorry to hear you don’t have the support you need. I find that to be the truth more often than not. You have to make yourself accountable. You have to be your own warden. Your own motivator and police.

    GPs are… really basic doctors I came to find. They just give you cholesterol pills, vaccines, and basic antibiotics. Everything else is too advanced for them.

    Liked by 2 people

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