Dear E

I’m glad you’re here. I’m grateful to be on this journey. And I’m hopeful for where this journey could lead.

I’m with you always E, and I will be with you always. Through the ups and through the downs. Keep rebuilding. Take the pieces and create something new. You get to choose what your life will look like. Build something beautiful E. You are beautiful. I hope you can let your life reflect that beauty.

When you shatter your world into pieces, you get to choose which pieces to pick up. Which pieces to include into your life. You can discard all the parts that harmed you. Don’t use them as part of the infrastructure. Use just the good. Just the helpful.

I’m so proud of you E. Proud of you for holding on through the destruction, and not letting destruction take over your world completely. As you said, you can always go back to destructions embrace. I’m proud of you for reaching out to others, or trying to. I’m proud of you for all the learning and processing you are doing. A candle in the darkness shines so much light. I’m proud of you for believing in yourself, in hope, in your ability to create a new life for yourself. I’m proud of you for choosing life.

Yes, you’re living with destruction in some sense. You’re not eating enough and you’re ODing daily. You’re also eating more. You are also eating all foods. Maybe not enough calories, but you’re eating all foods, bot just 2 or 3. You’re trying to use less. Go for longer stretches without taking any cocodamol.

You want to reach out more than you have. And you don’t know how to. You don’t know what the right thing to do is. And E, you’re trying. Is trying enough? I don’t know. I don’t know if trying is enough, but trying is all there is. Trying is all there is.

And yes E, you reached out. Think about the people who were here for you. Who held a light that showed you ‘there is a world beyond destruction’. They could only do that because you reached out. Because you were honest and vulnerable. Yes, GP has failed you. That is NOT your fault. Trusting his advice not to go privately isn’t your fault either. You can make new choices.

Life is a choice. And it’s the most important choice. I’m glad to have you here E. I’m glad to have you on this journey. I’m grateful to be on this journey with you.

Ignore those who don’t understand you. Let them laugh at you or be afraid of your thinking. That is their problem. Not yours. You do what is right for you. When what is right for you will destroy others? I don’t know. That can be added to the list of things you need some practical advice and guidance on.

I love you E. I love you so very much. I love you with all my heart. And I will always love you. There is nothing you can ever do that will ever take away my love. My love for you is not conditional. My love for you is unconditional.

I love you E. I see you. I see your beauty. I see your pain. I see your love. I see your heart that holds everyone else’s hearts. I see your loyalty. I see your fear. I see your terror. I see the little girl E. I see the fear and knowledge she will be alone. I will always be there for her. I will always be here for you. Remember what I said to you? (Dialogue through hope and destruction) I told you I want to be your friend, and whenever you are ready for me to, I will be your friend.

You are beautiful E. With all the good. Light can’t shine in the light. It is your dark that makes you beautiful.

Love always,

E

56 thoughts on “Letter to myself: 16th August 2020. I love you and I’m glad you’re here.”

  3. You are beautiful Eliza, and strong and smart and am sure you would pick up the right pieces and make a gorgeous life for E. All of us love you 💖🤗

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  4. “it is your dark that makes you beautiful.”
    such a wonderful line!
    i am loving this positivity. this was an absolute PLEASURE to read.
    thank you, E. thank you.
    love always,
    [gotw}

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  8. Letters to self are very therapeutic. Love it and I second all those emotions. An absolute JOY to read. (((Hugs))) 🦋💙🦋

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  12. You know, Eliza, this person who wrote to you really has an effective way of finding your attributes. Up to you, of course, but I’d keep her as an advisor.

    She recognizes the progress you’re making, and she understands the struggles you’ll find along the way – the curiosities and the triumphs too – all will make your victory more succulent. And permanent.

    Not sure where you find all these people, Eliza, but you just added a genius to your team. The championship’s sure to be ours this year, Coach!

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    1. Totally 🙂
      I’m blessed to be able to access it. Seriously, I know that I am. I’ve written to myself every day since. Funny how often especially coz the message in each really is so different somehow.

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  14. Wowww!! This post had some lovely metaphors-I really liked the one about picking up the pieces…
    Hope you’re doing well
    💙

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  15. This was very moving to read Eliza – we are here along the way with you – (even if we are behind in reading as I am again), we are all around the globe, your friends from afar.

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      1. No I am just far behind Eliza. Had a lot of things going at work beginning of the week and my car needed service – it put me behind. It’s a good thing I had written all the posts I’ve been doing ahead of time – I had kept the Wednesday post with the contrails in draft to update it as to steps. I’ve been trying to get to bed earlier … I will not even get to Reader tonight as it’s too late. I have only been on comments tonight.

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        1. I’m glad you’re looking after yourself 💕
          Nah, keep to only my good posts :). The rest, even the titles tell you what they are.
          Thinking of you…

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          1. OK, I will do that then – I am really behind this weekend. It was a clear weekend weather-wise (we have a week of very hot, above-average temperatures and some storms) so I was out most of the weekend. Not good for catching up here. I had done some posts ahead of time, so took advantage of that to go to some parks – I took a lot of photos this weekend, but will look at them over the long holiday weekend. I am behind here and with e-mail. I wish it was Saturday.

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              1. I was walking and taking a lot of pictures this past weekend, despite the heat … it was very hot here and like that all week. I needed to get away from the house and all the news I heard that week. I got into so much construction this weekend, my nerves were a little frazzled, but it was good to just get away, even for a few hours.

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  17. It just felt nice reading this, really nice. Thanks.
    You’re beautiful in your own way, and no one can take that away. I hope the person who wrote this will always be there for you when you need her 😉 (you). There’s something to be said for how you hold yourself together and keep moving, even though you might feel like shattering. You alone are enough and don’t have anything to prove to anybody. Have a beautiful journey!

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    1. Thanks 💕
      I’m trying to be there for myself. Should write more as that’s the only way I am.
      I hope so…
      Thanks for passing by…
      Love, light and glitter

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