I often would fantasise at night. As in imagine myself in a situation. Not healthy fantasies.

I’ve been listening to ACA meetings – adult children of alcoholics. My parents weren’t alcoholics for the record. I’ve really related to it. The depiction of feelings. Of black and white thinking. Approval. Can go on.

So the last few nights I have been fantasizing, but also trying to instead hug myself for a few seconds. Give myself the love I want and know I don’t deserve/can’t accept.

Going to try write less here, or schedule. Been posting way too much here.

49 thoughts on “Inner child”

  2. Yes, we all deserve love and it wasn’t too much for me. But of course if you want to stop for your own good I understand. ā¤ļø

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  3. My parents are alcoholics and I wouldnā€™t wish any kid to grow up with alcoholic parents. I do not drink alcohol because I see what it does to people. Thatā€™s my definition of it. Iā€™m sure others would disagree and say alcohol is fine. Itā€™s what you define it is being… bad, good, in between etc.

    Similarly, everyone deserves love. Itā€™s what you make of it and what you define love as. Iā€™m perfectly content being in a ā€œboringā€ vanilla marriage but thatā€™s my definition of a healthy relationship. Itā€™s really what you make of it and how you label things. Weā€™re conditioned to think that we are not worthy of love because of how we are brought up in this world, but we are worthy. All of us are ā™„ļø

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  6. post whenever you want, however you want. don’t hesitate to hit that button.
    getting a little nerdy here for a sec- “temperature is actually the presence of warmth. when there is no warmth at all, we use Kelvin. same thing applies- love is just the presence of love. what if hate is just the absence of love?”. i’m not sure where i read this- maybe a book or something, but i love it. kinda applies to what you’re feeling.
    love always,
    [gotw}

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            1. Darkness is nothingness….
              It’s actually something I’ve thought about before. That darkness isn’t necessarily negative. However I feel that the truly negative state – not just the lack of positive – could be an entity of its own. I wonder.

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    2. Isn’t it there is no cold, only absence of heat, so there is no hate, only absence of love?
      Did you mean that or something else?

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  7. As a girl I was exposed to highly verbally abusive adult demeanor,, shouting in adult meetings, along with accusing my father of neglect in raising me. According to witnesses now, those accusations were of no worth. Now I only respond to quiet character people. The time in my childhood this happened created a memory block i am working to conquer. You have worth with character. Our Creator God made you from His personally of love and grace. Talking to Him creates a friendship He wants you to build.

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  8. I’m sending you a virtual hug, and some love, and plenty of glitter to add sparkle šŸ˜‰
    We’ve all been there, feeling that we don’t deserve love, and struggling to accept it.
    Thinking of you x

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  9. We all need a hug, from ourselves or otherwise… Sending you a virtual hug myself with some light a glitter too. You’re good – post what you want. šŸ™‚

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    1. Thank you āœØšŸ•ÆšŸ’•
      I can’t post so much because it’s too much for me when others do so I can’t do what’s too much for me….

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            1. More I don’t want to spam readers because it annoys me when others do. As a one off I’m okay with others doing it, but when it’s constant I stop following their blogs because it gets overwhelming for me. So I don’t want to do that to others…

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  11. Hugs! My household was a dry house. I used to wish they were alcoholic because then I might have gotten some external support.

    If it helps, feel free to visualise friends as allies standing with you and little E.

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  13. A big hug to you. We are a part of a collective conscience. We all deserve love, your inner child is asking for care, let her know she is safe with you, and you love her deeply. You are beginning to give it attention. I pray you heal, love and thrive šŸ™

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    1. Thanks for reading and taking the time to reply Manika…
      I’m trying to do that. Some of the time (when I’m not destroying myself).
      Thank you! I hope so…

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      1. You were born perfect, along the way things got messed up. Try to find that innocence back, that fearlessness. You deserve it. Its worth the work. Its in trauma that we find our true strength. Please read Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl.

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  14. I can see parts of me in you Eliza. All Iā€™d say is… you need the happy moments you create for yourself as a resource to pull yourself out of the situation.

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