I can’t figure out what I need to do to get to another side. Self harming in a way I’ve never thought of. Hood thing is I don’t think it will leave any scars and scars are finally beginning to heal. Listening to ACA, trying to really join it. Starting a mindfulness course on Thursday. I sorta know it won’t just change. Don’t know if I’m doing enough. Don’t know what to do different or more, and to be honest I don’t have the energy to figure it out. The irony is that I’m trying to set up some sort of resource at the same tone. Most the people who were really here for me, I feel like I’ve used them up and can’t keep turning to them. It isn’t fair to and feels like I’m too much. Hello whatever im doing. Which I paused to write this. I don’t really want it. I don’t really have the energy or headspace to figure out where or how to go from here.