36 thoughts on “Just a thought (rant).

  1. At one point, when the root cause of the problems is overcome, there won’t be destruction anymore. At least not from your side. And you are on your way to figure it out. I wish you the best! πŸ’œ You are fighting hard battles, you are fighting for your life. If I could, I would give everyone who fights like this, a medal of honor or something like it. Something which will remind you each day, that you are fighting for a good cause and fighting for life. For you and for others who you might help in the future.

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    1. That’s what I think too. I said that to a therapist (who said she can’t work with me), that it’s about changing what’s behind it and handling life without it.
      I actually think the next bit of time is going to be harder than the past few weeks, for I’m not as destructive. And living between both is, if memory serves me right, the hellingest of all.

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      1. Yep, it feels like hell, at least from my experience. But the good thing is, that you don’t have to go through it alone. We are here.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Keep going… The hardest climbs give us the best views…
    And I know, it sucks that most of us don’t even have a SAY, but we’ve just got to move. It’s either moving or sinking. Swimming or drowning.
    You can do this.
    Love always,
    GOTW

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    1. πŸ’•
      S’okay.
      Honestly, what I wrote is in a lot of ways better then the past weeks (even if I rather the past weeks for it’s easier not to live in between).
      Thank you Kate. You know, I’m posting more photos coz of you…

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I do know. I don’t think I do or don’t. Meaning I enjoy photography more than I expected. Though you can probably see it in my comments on your pictures πŸ™‚ . I always enjoyed it. Some of the pictures I’m posting go literally years back (some of those on Instagram are from 2008). But thanks to you and Linda I actually began sharing them. Not that anyone other than I really see them πŸ™‚ . I spent the morning scheduling some posts on my blog. And it’s definitely a good creative outlet. That, and I really want to get people to write letters and put them together, is a good distraction. Some day have to figure something out somehow. I haven’t been able to yet.
          πŸ’•πŸ•―πŸŒŒ

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  3. I’m sorry you feel so bad. I don’t have any answers because I’m struggling with similar things, not with using, but with living and destruction. Perhaps sometimes all we can do is sit with the conflict and accept we can’t do anything about it for now. Maybe look for short-term coping strategies, like things that can help you get through the day, or the next five minutes, safely.

    I feel that the fact that you keep saying here things like this here on your blog where you know people want you to choose life shows that part of you (at least) wants life. So you post here for support.

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      1. Feeling less destructive IS a good thing!

        Shabbat was quite good. I flipped a lot between depressed and not depressed. I found something in a sefer that was really helpful to me. Just posted about it on my blog. But I slept too much so I’m not at all tired now, which is not good.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. This wanting/not wanting place is so painful. I think there is healing in being able to sit in the ambiguous feelings without acting upon them or expecting the wanting to not be there because of the feelings of not wanting. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it’s frustrating that the existence of feelings of ‘not wanting’ can’t eclipse the wanting! Love and hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It makes sense actually. Just not what I can live with. But lived without destruction today! Not without cocodamol, but without the need to destroy myself. Hope your weekend was okay…

      Liked by 1 person

    2. If you’ve any thoughts on my dialogue post I’d love to hear. Only if you’ve time/headspace, and if you actually think anything….
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope it gets better, too, Eliza. When you look at all these wonderful comments from your friends on WordPress, it might let you see how much you are needed and cared for. You are part of a community that appreciates your blog and truth. Keep hanging in there. I might be offline for a few days because it is my Pandemic anniversary and birthday – we had great plans for a trip but are staying very close to home. Hugs to you. K x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy anniversary and happy birthday K!!! May it be filled with sunshine and sparkles… wishing you many birthdays and anniversaries with Teddy πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sending lots of caring energy and butterflies your way. πŸ§‘πŸ¦‹ πŸ¦‹πŸ§‘πŸ¦‹πŸ¦‹πŸ§‘πŸ¦‹πŸ¦‹πŸ§‘

    Liked by 1 person

        1. Yeah I’ve been thinking of you and checked your blog a number of times to make sure I didn’t mistakenly miss a post…
          Sending hugs and sunshine. Hibernating actually sounds really good.

          Liked by 1 person

  7. I miss you and our conversations! I’m over at my old digs https://romancingthecrone.wordpress.com/ which I started in 2007! It has been dormant for many moons, but was once a healing and supportive gathering place for a close-knit tribe of women and men. The old RTC tribe has long since vanished from blogland, but it’s a deeply nostalgic place for me. I felt strongly called to reopen it and reconnect to the RTC vibe and energy. Right now, it feels like where I need to be. πŸ™πŸ¦‹πŸ™πŸ¦‹πŸ™

    Like

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