Suicide. It’s a word that scares many and brings hope to others. I started my blog elizareasonstolive (which for now is down) when I wanted to focus on the reasons to live, rather than reasons to die. I would post reasons to live, at the same time as doing things to end my life. I lived on the edge. Which is what I wanted to do. I wanted suicide, and I wanted to believe in hope.

Hope is the little voice you hear whisper maybe when it seems the entire world is shouting no. (Google image)

Slowly, my life changed. I stopped using, stopped self harming, started eating, and started living in the world. (They’re all still things I can struggle with). I learned what it means to be present. I learnt, am learning, boundaries. And I learnt a lot about myself. I always thought it was about the end destination. About getting somewhere. Instead, I learnt that it was about the journey.

The journey is the destination.

I learnt that the journey is the destination. I started my current blog when I wanted a space to ramble and write things that weren’t just reasons to live or that offered hope. Writing gave me a lot. Writing is the best therapy I could ever have given to myself. When I wrote letters to myself I accessed a part of myself that I never knew existed. I never knew I could talk to myself nicely. I never knew that there was any part of me that believed I was worth it.

You are worth it (google image)

Today, today I can’t say my life is perfect, but today I’m happy to embrace the imperfection. There is so much I want from my life. I’d love to know who I am and what I want from my life. I’m looking forward to learning it. Life is a learning game.

More than I’m grateful to be alive I’m grateful that I’m grateful to be alive.

For the most part, I’m grateful that I have this chance. There are times I can get stuck in my head, and the biggest thing I’m focusing on at the moment is to stop overthinking. To live. To be. I’m trying to live in this world and not leave this world to live instead in my head.

Nothing and no one is perfect. No one has it easy. Not everyone feels guilty for living. Not everyone knows that by living they’re hurting others. I’ve learned, am learning, to let go of others. To be myself, for myself. I’m learning who I am. And, life is a learning game.

My blog is a positive space. I want it to stay that way. It’s a space where I share some awesome pictures – I love taking photographs even though I don’t publish most.

It’s a space that I want to use to spread love, light, and glitter. I can’t say I use it well, but really it’s just my space. A space I’m grateful for and where I’ve met some awesome people.

Remember, you are worth it. When you reach rock bottom, there is a way up. Don’t believe anyone who tells you it’s easy. Or that it’s your fault. Or that you’re crazy. There is not always another choice. Someone once told me that self harming was my way of looking after myself. And she was right. I was taking care of myself, coping, the best way I knew how. Also, don’t believe anyone who tells you there’s no hope. For there is always hope. I used to feel I was trapped. That no matter how much I tried I was and would always be stuck. I wasn’t depressed. There just wasn’t a way out. And suicide was the best answer. I’m not actually sure how come what I did to myself never harmed me. But I’m not going to complain. I can’t say I’m grateful that I was born. I can say that once I’m here I’m going to make the most of it and try to use every moment. I know life is just temporary. And that you are worth it and way stronger than you believe.

Love, light, and glitter

Suicideforum.com/community is an awesome peer support that I’m grateful for.

Metanoia – suicide – read this first

A reason

71 thoughts on “Is suicide the solution?”

  1. I could elaborate so much on this but I will try to be brief. Thank you for this. I truly love all that you said and sincerely look forward to hearing about how you progress on your journey. It is amazing what perspective can do and being thankful for so much that we have and often take for granted. You are a wonderful photographer I thoroughly enjoyed your pictures as well. Keep treading that path my dear. And remember every day is a good day whether we realize it or not

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  4. This was beautiful to read. I know how hard you’ve worked, and continue to work, to be in a place where this is your truth (even if not all the time). And I really resonate with feeling grateful that I (even sometimes) feel grateful to be grateful to be alive, like an extra layer! Sending love to you xx

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  5. I am so so proud of how far you’ve come … as you say no answers but the fact that you are grateful to be grateful; that you’ve turned your life around and now thriving … what a blessing to watch your transformation!

    And your photography is gifted, it will lift many people and I pray that one day it will earn you an income … welcome to our world Eliza ❤

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    1. Your last line mate me laugh.
      It would be cool if it earns me an income. One day… if someone ever decides to actually out them out…

      Happy weekend!

      Love, light and glitter

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  7. Such beautiful words! You should be extremely proud of yourself, and i imagine everyone around you is too, and also very grateful to have you here🙌

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  9. What brought you farther from the edge? Was there any specific thing that happened or did you just slowly start on walking away from it?

    The photo of the stairs is amazing. Well done.

    Writing really is live-saving. I’m glad it helps you, too.

    “I’ve learned, am learning, to let go of others.” I think this is so profound.

    “There is not always another choice.” TRUTH!!!

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    1. Thanks S/G….. yup writing is amazing. I’m so grateful for all it’s given to me. There’s definitely not always another choice. Not that in reality there isn’t, but not one that can be seen.

      You like the stairs? I want to go back there!!! Although I’ve been there before this was the time I went with a friend so have good memories of the fun. And I’m not sure I ever went specifically there before.

      I don’t really know the answer to the first. I think I lived with a deadline and taking away the deadline helped. Although it was a risk, too. I think when I was sick and thought I’d succeeded in destroying myself then it wasn’t what I was trying to do, or it was, but there was both. I think there comes a point where you can’t live with 2 such opposites the entire time and have to choose. Though it’s probably really only the last year or so that I really no longer see suicide as an option. It’s just not really something I even think about. I think also being more present in the world makes a difference. And learning that the guilt for living isn’t mine, isn’t my issue. That’s probably the biggest thing actually. That when I knew I wasn’t guilty, even though it’s taken forever to learn and I still somewhat do, I didn’t need to kill myself for that. It’s their issue, not mine.

      And this is way too honest an answer!

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  10. I love this post! Hope is the seed that when planted can bear fruits of love, gratitude, happiness, contentment, and so many more. Please continue to take me along on your journey – it is an interesting one!!

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  11. This was so uplifting to read, Eliza! I feel happy to read these words of yours because my past sounds so similar to what you’re going through now. Life can still be a rollercoaster, but those moments of gratitude are such a blessing. And your photos are brill. 😀

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    1. Thanks Lesley. I really appreciate your support and comments here…..
      I’d love to hear the helpful parts of your journey if you ever want to share.
      Yup, gratitude is definitely a blessing. Although I haven’t done this in a while someone once told me that whenever upset to write for 5 minutes about what you’re grateful for. I need to get back to my list!
      You like the photos???
      Happy weekend!
      Love, light and glitter

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      1. Hope you’re having a good weekend, Eliza.
        For me, I couldn’t do anything at all until I stopped drinking alcohol and self-medicating. When I was at my worst and in despair, I begged God to help me. It didn’t happen right away, but I found the strength in Him to persevere and gradually it happened.

        From then on, the hard work began! Without the drink, my feelings – good and bad – were heightened. It took such a lot to get through each day and remain sober … but it became easier as time went on.

        I need to lean on Jesus much more now because, in the past, whenever I got upset about something, I’d just say, “Sod it” and drink until I didn’t care anymore, but that did nothing for my physical and mental health.

        Another thing that was a life-saver was, eventually, getting medication that suited me. I still get mood swings, but not as severe as in years gone by, and I no longer dwell on suicide. There are fleeting thoughts sometimes, but they disappear as quickly as the thoughts enter my head. I think that’s down to habit, whereas once the thoughts were very real.

        And, yes, I did like your photos! 😀

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        1. It’s definitely harder without the crutch! But you’ve found an awesome one 💕

          Thank you for sharing… I appreciate it…

          Love, light and glitter

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          1. Yes, there is no greater crutch than Jesus Christ and He promises never to leave us on our own once we trust Him. 😀
            Any time, Eliza. x

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  12. I’m really glad you’re alive too, Eliza, I like to read you blog and see your photography, and you’ve been a real help to me. I’m really glad I ‘met’ you 🤗

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  13. What a journey, Eliza! Others have been here longer, though even during my brief tenure (so far), you’ve shown amazing progress. You’ve gone from being numb, and seemingly interested in little more than doing…things to yourself, to being expressive, curious and mindful of what you’re going to be doing, not just tomorrow, but years from tomorrow.

    So, this sort of thing doesn’t just happen in movies? Huh. Well played, my friend!

    Wise of you, too, Eliza, to recognize perfection isn’t the goal, but constant improvement is. In fact, as you know, “perfection” doesn’t exist anyway. Nor would we want it to. If everything were perfect, how long before nothing would be special anymore? Everything would be the same. Uninspiring. Blah.

    Yet, improvement approaches from another direction. Here, hope is exalted and promise keeps us going. Sure, today may not have been the best day (though often, it is), but tomorrow still teems with nothing but possibilities. This is what you told us today, Eliza.

    Oh, how nice it would have been for today’s Eliza to talk to six-months-ago Eliza. Then again, maybe she did. It brought you this far, didn’t it? In another six months, where?

    Just you wait, readers!

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    1. You’re a one man cheering squad K, you know that, right? I hope you know how much I really appreciate your support here. It means a lot to me…

      That’s actually a cool point. I wonder if I can get the future E to speak to me. Though in a way, by knowing where i want to be in the future it’s speaking to me. Telling me where to head. Though sometimes it feels like going nowhere (hopefully I’ll write it out so can look at what really is not just what isn’t).

      Happy weekend!!!!!

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  14. That is great Eliza – you have come far and so many positive things have come along with you. Your statement “writing is the best therapy I could ever have given to myself” says it all – this blog was the best present you could give yourself, then you started the other one and finally your newest blog that records the amazing photos you take and your runs, all fantastic accomplishments … you have many reasons to live Eliza, just keep racking them up!

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      1. You’re welcome Eliza – keep up the good work so you can keep looking back and seeing how far you’ve come and how good you feel in every aspect of your life. 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

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  16. I’m glad that you’re born, alive and finding your present in every day. Keep going.
    I once heard it said that suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem, I guess it depends on who you are and your circumstances but that for me at least summed it up.
    Lovely pictures, maybe you can post more? J have a good weekend 🙂

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        1. Some is on I think that’s the site name. I just need to actually post more.
          Edited comment now. I’m assuming you saw. If you didn’t email me and I’ll send it that way…

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  17. Whatta journey! There’s this quote that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Glad you got past that temporary phase and you have found comfort in writing to keep you out of that toxic mental zone. Keep writing you awesome blogs and finding more reasons to live!❤️ ❤️

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              1. Who doesn’t love some good science?! I hope that you hope to return when you have the headspace. Drop in whenever you like E!

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  18. I love Winnie the pooh an odd way to respond I know. “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem & smarter than you think”. You are brave, wise, wonderful & loved. Coming from a stranger I know that’s odd. I understand the strength, wisdom & bravery it takes to get to where you are. So hugs & hi fives for you.

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    1. The more I know of winnie the pooh, the less odd it is. I should really read the books….
      Thanks for your response … I really appreciate it. Yup, from a stranger. Though we’re all connected.
      I hope this week brings sunshine, peace and sparkles your way…
      Love, light and glitter

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  21. This is so moving. I’m really, really glad you chose life! You are an inspiration, and your beautiful heart shines through your writing. Thank you for being there for others as well, and encouraging them to see their genuine worth and value 🙂

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  22. This is a wonderful post, I’m so glad you are doing better and can look at the world in this way now, and share it with us. I’ve had a similar experience, and I love what you write about not believing people who tell you it will be easy, but also not believing that there is no hope. Life isn’t easy, but we plod through since we’re here! I also feel like I can’t necessarily say I’m glad I was alive, but I can try and make the most of the fact that I was. I recently wrote about getting through feeling suicidal on my blog too, if you’d like the comfort of knowing someone else is by your side and going through a similar thing – that’s definitely what I’ve taken from your post, at least! Thank you for sharing, and your pictures are gorgeous!

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    1. Thanks for reading and taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it… I’d love to check your blog out – can you email the link? I don’t have headspace to now and will lose the comment.
      At some point I’d love to get a bunch of letters to the suicidal from different people – what would you write to someone about to kill themselves? I’d love to get a bunch and post them. Would you write something like that?
      Thanks for passing by…
      Love, light and glitter

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  23. Eliza, thank you for sharing your thoughts and your beautiful photos. I am glad you are enjoying your life, and hope you will continue to be happy. The issues you address are familiar to me from experiences with someone close to me.

    Have a great day!

    Cheryl Batavia

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    1. Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond Cheryl. It’s always nice to know that I’m not talking to myself.
      I hope you’re all doing okay….
      Love, light and glitter

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  24. You are brave and honest in sharing your journey and your ways of honouring being alive. Gratitude, wonder and writing all help and I am grateful for your sharing. Although there are always challenges I wish you the best for 2021.

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