Can you fill a cup with a crack in it?
I wonder if I’ll fully write this post. Maybe if I keep it short. I replied to this in a comment to Keith, and said it deserves a post of its own. I’m in the middle of writing numerous posts. If I don’t finish it, it just doesn’t happen. I know how to go with the flow. I don’t know how to get back to writing something I started. Well, we’ll see if this is something I’ll publish or not. Bring that I haven’t written anything yet!!!!
It’s always easiest to explain what I mean when I bring it to my life.
EV is an older email friend of mine. Someone put us in touch for that purpose. She feels old which I find funny. I guess I’ve grown up in an older family so don’t see 70 as old. Though we’ve been in touch since she was early 60s. Rambling off tangent as usual. Anyways, I used to ask her for reassurance that she was there. A lot. Until it got to the point that it wasn’t healthy. (We worked through it, got past it). It taught me a lot that relationship.
It taught me that she could never tell me enough that she was there. However much she would tell me I wouldn’t, couldn’t, believe it or hear it.
AH – my ex therapist – once told me that I wasn’t believing that he could possibly care about me.
Safety. Trust. Believing people can care. Believing you’re worth it. Believing you are lovable.
I used to think it can come from others. I used to think people can pour it into the cup. Until I learned that if you pour into a cup that has no bottom nothing can stay in. It’s bottomless. Nothing is ever, can ever, be enough.
There has to be a cup there. When there is a cup there, people can pour into it.
So is it the internal or the external?
Well really, it’s a mixture of both. The external can never be absorbed unless there is the internal. However, that’s not to say that nobody external can help you build the internal. Also, take a crack with gaps. The water stays in the cup. It may drop out and need refilling more often, but the water poured into it stays. And, people can definitely help you build the cup.
I stopped asking for reassurance in relationships. Any kinda relationship I mean. Because I realised that I didn’t hear what was said. I couldn’t hear it and the words made no difference. (That didn’t stop me from listening almost daily to AH’s voice message telling me I wouldn’t push him away).
And I feel like this isn’t worth posting for it doesn’t really say anything…
For yes, I think we all know that there has to be a cup to pour things into if we want it to stay. It has to be internally absorbed, known, for the external to make a difference. And I also think we all know that people can help you build that cup. That the external sources can help you build that internal resource.