I came across this from 2016. But, I think it has meaning and is relevant today.

Just saw this quote: ‘Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in never having been broken, but in the courage to grow strong in the broken places’

It brings to mind hearing that doctors can look at an xray and see where someone has broken a limb previously – because the tissue around it is strengthened. Which is why one never breaks a leg in the same place (they say).

It seems to be counter intuitive, that, we should be the weakest where we’ve been broken, but I guess I see how it’s possible. When something is broken, so much more is needed to heal that break, than is needed to just continue as if it’s never been broken. It brings to mind what someone was once saying, that she’s really secure in an area of her life that she had to create the knowledge and ability from ground up.

For example, someone who has always believed that they’re special, if someone contests that, they can change their belief, however if someone never believed it and taught it to themselves, that they’re intrinsically worthy, if someone contests that, it’ll make no difference to them.

Which is also the same as what R’ Tatz was saying, he explained the passuk that said that in the place a baal teshuva, someone who has repented, stands, someone who has never sinned or returned can’t reach, he explains that it has to be so for this person is stronger and won’t trip up where they’ve previously stumbled.

Growing strong where you’re broken. Seems like an impossibility. But really, it’s not impossible. Impossible says I’m possible.

Can I believe that? No, not yet. But one day I can.

Love, light and glitter

42 thoughts on “Is it better to break and heal or never break?”

  1. Powerful – can I share this with my student?
    I believe it is better to have been broken and healed, until it actually happens and I need to do the healing 😉 Afterwards though, it’s worth it.
    Love the intrinsic worth vs people telling you you’re awesome part, so true.

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    1. Sure
      That made me laugh. It’s why I think it’s better to be less intense whereas those who are okay with it love the intensity….
      Love, light and glitter

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  3. Great question, Eliza. How is it you come up with so much for deep conversations, and even deeper thought?

    As far as worth endowed v. worth self-generated is concerned, I agree growing your own makes what others say nearly irrelevant. What if one reinforces the other, though?

    In your case specifically, Eliza, your posts generate discussion and earn praise. At the same time, you wouldn’t venture forth if somewhere, deep-down, you weren’t confident people are interested in what you have to say.

    Keep encouraging our thoughts, Eliza, and we’ll return the favor. Quite a system we have here, no?

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    1. Hmm. I’d share even if I thought others weren’t interested because I’m sharing for myself. I think!!!!

      When external reinforces the internal it’s really tough. That’s why the internal is what has to change. Learning that was a game changer for me. That no one can give me a sense of safety. No one can make me feel enough. No reassurance can help. The external can only help when it’s being poured into a cup that can hold it. I’d say I’ll write a post on this but I’m in the middle of writing 3 different posts. If I don’t finish writing it when I start writing it, it doesn’t happen. Maybe I’ll start anyways.

      I’m wearing a dolphin tshirt now

      Can I see pictures of your garden? I wonder how it looks before and after you pick….

      Love, light and glitter

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      1. Sure, Eliza, self-expression is what motivates you to start, but hoping someone else sees it adds effervescence, no? We’re social creatures and we crave interacting with others.

        Besides, that’s neither here nor there. You’ve far too much talent not to have attracted crowds. Seriously, look at all of this.

        By the way, my whole “reinforcement” point can be taken in the manner you did, but I was thinking more of a double-positive. That is, you have confidence sufficient to release your thoughts, we find them, and return our acclaim. This is how “win-win” and a nice upward spiral start.

        As for the garden, I appreciate your interest, and advise to to stay tuned. When the recipe calls for it, a picture of the original source may be in order. After all, I must keep generating traffic for my blog, too!

        Besides, not much to see right now. As mentioned, the arugula naps until frost brushes the soil lightly, probably in October. The strawberries still are green and marble-sized. Which reminds me – I must net them, as the raccoons, chipmunks and crows are sure to notice they’ve turned red long before I do And the corn? Still only about 10 cm high. For now…

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        1. I’ll stay tuned 🙂
          And yes. I didn’t think of it. You’re right. People’s thoughts help tease out your own beliefs and ideas because you either agree or disagree.
          Happy weekend!!!!

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  5. I understand the principle at play here. I agree and disagree at the same time. Having been broken hasn’t strengthened me. I learned to be strong and work around a deficit. I learned to create value in myself where there should have been one all along. I had a TIA (a mini stroke) 12 years ago. Just like a broken bone, it will always be seen on an MRI. It doesn’t strengthen my brain or heal that part having had a stroke there. It creates a weakness in the rest of my brain. I am more apt to have another, more serious, stroke. I am not stronger because of the stroke. I’ve learned to take better care of myself. I honor my body and my needs. I do the things recommended to protect myself. It’s the same way with having been abused and not honored and loved by those who were supposed to protect me. I strengthen myself through self care where I would have been strong had I had the proper love and support. I understand trying to find meaning in being broken to make ourselves strong. I do see that. I’ve come to a point of recognizing that I am strong because I survived, not because I was broken. I have a life today because I made it happen. I took charge and created what I want out of my life. Some break and don’t come back, stay broken forever. Others find meaning and build a life that is meaningful to them.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that. I really appreciate it. Definitely it’s better to be whole to start with. At least that’s my opinion. I have friends who’ve been through hell on earth who say they wouldn’t say they’re grateful for their experiences but that they’re grateful it made them into who they are. I think wanting to go through it is going a but far. I do think it adds depth and meaning – if you get passed it.
      I love your insights. You know what’s amazing about how you write – that you put down such a lot in such a little.
      Thank you …
      Love, light and glitter

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      1. Thank you. 🙂 Like your friends say, I wouldn’t EVER wish to go through the shit I did, but in a way I’m glad I did. Made me empathetic and kinder in many ways….yet very outspoken and take no shit in others.

        As for the writing, I spent years writing *many* client progress reports every day. Time is of the essence and I had space limitations. Forced me to be more concise. 🙂 Sometimes I meander through stuff and struggle to put the ideas into meaningful words. lol

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        1. 💕💕💕
          It’s a skill. At work I don’t write what I say well at all. Like reread my last sentence. The grammar grates on my own nerves. Usually my managers formulate the words for me. If I ever study I’ll definitely learn how to word things though, so that’s a plus. And for what I want to do (educational psychology but planning and working with the children), if I get a degree in what I want, I’ll need to be able to formulate reports concisely and clearly. Even just for my own planning to ensure that keeping to targets and progressing appropriately according to age and stage.
          Happy weekend…! Hope you get some time…

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  6. Have you heard of KIntsugi? That’s how Iv’e reframed my own healing. Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Love and light

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    1. Thanks for reading! Yes. I love the idea of kintsugi. Using the pieces to make something more beautiful.
      Sending hugs and sunshine…
      Love, light and glitter

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  7. I remember when you first posted that. I was in such a different place when I first read that years ago. I copied the quote, but I didn’t actually understand it.
    In a way, today I do.
    I am stronger than others, in places. I can do things others can’t, because I’ve gone through things in the past that taught me how to be stronger. How to fight. Even, sometimes, how to win.
    Thanks, E. I love reading your blog.

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    1. I didn’t know you read my blog. And I can’t recall posting it anywhere, but if you say I did 🙂
      And I’ve no clue if you’ll see this response either…
      Sending hugs and sunshine…
      Love, light and glitter

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  9. This is really a question with answers that differ from person to person. I stand for being broken and healing.
    Because only once you completely shatter, then put yourself together again do you realize how strong you are. And it boosts you confidence. You can say to yourself, “Hey! Look! I broke, and that’s okay, because I put myself back together again!”
    There’s a Japanese form of art where one breaks a bowl or a plate or something like that, glues it together again, and traces the parts where the “scars” are with golden paint. Essentially, what you see on the bowl is a map of scars highlighted with the color of royalty.
    Because there is beauty in scars. And just cos nobody sees it doesn’t make them ugly.
    Moving on from scars- even the process of healing is absolutely beautiful.The thoughts and emotions you experience- the sort of time you spend understanding yourself- nothing can imitate that. Nothing can replace that.
    Breaking and healing teaches you something about yourself that’s irreplaceable.
    Breaking is what some people see as weak. Well, according to me, someone or something only breaks after they’ve been strong for too long. And the ability to heal is a show of strength.
    “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”- Kelly Clarkson.

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    1. Thanks!
      In some ways yes. Though this post is something I wrote a few years ago. Still not eating. But learning. It’s actually cool in a way to see some of the ways I’m getting where I want to. Like it looks like it’ll take years, but I can actually see the differences.
      Why’s it raining 😦 planned on running this morning.
      Love, light and glitter

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  12. Reminds us of an analogy we learned in the hospital: there is a Japanese pottery that, when it broke, was mended with gold, platinum, or silver dust. Because the breaks are all unique and the dust is valuable, the broken and repaired pottery is more valuable (more valued) than unbroken pottery. It’s called Kintsugi and kinsukuroi pottery.

    As an analogy, it is lovely. We do not personally need to compare anyone, though it is curious to imagine ourself without attempting to understand, accept, survive, heal (whatever terms you prefer). It’s like The Matrix: would you rather know you are a survivor or keep on pretending it never happened?

    Love you!!! 💕❤️💕🐬🐦

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    1. I’d rather keep on pretending:)
      Yeah. I like the idea of kintsugi. I think it’s better never to break but that one can learn from the broken…
      Love, light and glitter 🐬🦋💕🐦

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  13. Interesting thoughts E – you often have thought-provoking posts. The running is clearing your mind, giving you greater insight, don’t you think? I find walking allows my mind to be a blank and think, just think and take it what’s around me.

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    1. 🙂
      Yup. Though I wrote this post in 2016 and reposted it now because i came across it and thought it relevant…
      I do love how much calmer I’m after running. Though I also always need to lie down. Gonna track my heart rate again today if I go – it’s really wet outside so not sure what to do – and see how high it rockets after…

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