I just read an article on Aish.com that explains why positive and inspirational messages can be detrimental to some people. I loved it… you can read it here.

It made me think of my experience. How I’m doing more things than I was and how this time is so good for me in so many ways.

I put the article first because I don’t want anyone to think that because it’s good for me it has to be good for them…

There’s a few points. One great point was made my S to me recently. She asked me how I was handling it. She said Covid 19 has tipped the world upside down. There are people whose lives were always organised and ordered. They felt like they were in control. Now they are faced with their frailty. They’re faced with instability and a lack of control. However, there are people whose lives are a mess anyways. Who never felt safe within themselves or the world. Their internal world is always upside down. The world turning on its’ hinges might make it even worse – as it has for so many people- and it might not.

There is more calm and stability in my life because of Covid 19, not less. I’ve not been working which means I have so much more time. The time is good for me because it gives me space. I never realised how much pressure I found work to be, but I did. There’s the need to constantly be on the ball, constantly be present, constantly work to help the children. Anything less would be shortchanging the children I work with. I didn’t find the morning such a pressure as so many of my lessons were free lessons. Now that I’m not working I don’t have that pressure.

There was also the pressure, more the anxiety and intensity, of bring around people for so many hours a day. I’m an introvert both by nature and even more so by nurture. I’m awkward around people. Even if they don’t see it. I’m not a part of groups and don’t know how to be a part. It’s not that I always want to, I don’t, I just want the option to be. Now that I’m not at work I don’t ever walk into a staffroom full of people who are all groups that I’m not a part of. I don’t have the constant intensity of being around others.

All the time means I’m blogging more – neither good nor bad. Means I’m online a lot more, not necessarily good, but neither bad. I wish I’d be able to get myself to study more but I’m just not, and that’s okay.

I’m running, couch to 5k, which is amazing for me. I’m so glad I am.

Just been busy. Doing nothing much. I’ve been scrapbooking the last couple of days – something that was left to me, which was good, just crazy busy! But busy with good things.

S said another interesting point, that the energy of the world was unsettlement and pain. She seemed to think it made sense I’d stopped eating. It’s actually good for me in a sense. However unhealthy a coping mechanism it may be it’s giving me the ability to handle the world.

People are stressed around me. I don’t think it’s anything to do with the virus, just their personal life circumstances. Although for some the virus definitely is exacerbating what is going on. I’m trying to keep my emotional boundaries.

For the most part I’m loving the lockdown and the time it has given to me. I hope and pray I don’t start school anytime soon although it seems like the government are set to start on the 1st. I hope my school don’t. I honestly can’t face it….. and if I go into school for the afternoon I’ll be wanted in the morning too. I’m not working in the morning although some people are. All I can do is hope and pray that I don’t have to go back anytime soon and love this whilst it lasts (with shavuot this weekend I anyways don’t have school for the next week. If not for the virus I’d probably be away with my family). It’s the time I love. The time, space, and no pressure….

I hope you are all doing okay and looking after yourself in the best way possible…

How has the lockdown – the time it brings, not the rest of the lockdown – affected you? Do you appreciate not having to see others or do you miss people? Do you have more or less time/headspace?

You are awesome and enough.

Love, light, and glitter

30 thoughts on “My Cronavirus experience/thoughts

  1. If the virus has done one good thing, Eliza, it’s given you the time to appreciate who you are, and to share the bounty with the larger world.

    Sure, school remains unreachable at present, but your intellect and its energies find other outlets. Like your photography, your blogging, your scrapbooking, your running, and so on, and so on.

    So much activity for someone who once mentioned she felt “nothing.” Well, these things are all something, aren’t they?

    We both know the virus isn’t going to be around forever. That doesn’t mean your creativity has to leave with the pandemic, though. Think about your current purpose, and the “love, light and glitter” it adds to your life. Now resolve to go back to this moment as needed, even when COVID-19 is just a bad memory.

    Keep working your way through this. We’ll be here. Eventually you’ll discover you don’t need a virus to give things meaning.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It gives time though. When I’m working full time, unless I find a way for that to stop, I’m exhausted, and don’t have time for running or baking or scrapbooking. That’s what I’m loving. The time. The no pressure… the space to be…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Understandable, Eliza. Most definitely.

        Remember when we were children, eagerly anticipating adulthood, because then, finally, no-one could tell us what to do?

        Maybe so, to some degree, but often parents, teachers, older children, etc. merely have given way to other, more irresistible, forces.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m glad you’ve found so many positives in these uncertain times.

    I hate this. I hate all of it. Everything about it. Well… I guess not really everything… working from home means not having a commute and sleeping in a little later. But I hate everything else.

    I think a big part of the reason I have been so negative about this is because all of this happened right after a very difficult 2019. I don’t remember how much I’ve told you about that. But as spring was coming and the rainy season here was ending, I was looking forward to so much to make life feel fun and normal again. And now all of that is gone. No basketball games, no baseball games, no concerts or fairs or game nights with friends or karaoke or significant other who lives two towns away from me. I’m stuck at my house, and I’m tired of video chatting.

    And my job… this work just can’t be done as effectively working from home. It requires a lot of changes from me, and it doesn’t work as well, and things are probably going to be different at my work for years to come even as the rest of the world starts to open up again. I’ve been ready to collapse from the stress for a long time because of all the stuff going on outside of work last year, and now with all these changes things aren’t going to get easier any time soon. (I’m being vague here, I know; I don’t say what kind of work I do on WordPress because that would give away spoilers to stories I’m going to write eventually.)

    I’m a social introvert. I get how you feel about having time for blogging and scrapbooking. But I also need to have a good game night or movie night or night out to dinner with friends every once in a while, and that isn’t going to happen any time soon. I know some friends who are going out to dinner in groups now that restaurants have started opening up here gradually over the last week, but you’re still not supposed to be sitting at the same table as people from outside of your household. And I live alone. But more importantly, I have all these games and movies at my house that I can’t share with anyone right now, and that probably won’t change for months if not years.

    So I guess now that my work will be settling down after this week, I should be using my time for things like creative projects and housework. But I still miss being with friends, and I hate having to be afraid of human contact.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for sharing Greg.
      I wish I could in some way make it easier for you…
      If I wasn’t such an introvert it would be really tough for me.
      And coming now especially when you know you can finally relax and have an easier year….
      I know this virus isn’t affecting me like it is others. I hope work, even if changed, can be good. As I’ve no idea what you do I’ve no idea if that’s even possible. Here people are meeting through cars or at the bottom of friends paths….
      Sending hugs your way. I really hope that by you things are safe for meeting up really soon….
      πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve had some of that kind of stuff, meeting in cars and the like. But there’s only so much you can do that far apart. And the rules are so confusing here and seem to be changing all the time. I know some places where even meeting in cars six feet apart has been shut down by the authorities and criticized by busybodies on the Internet. And something like if I were to drive up to the mountains for a hike… is that outdoor recreation (which is specifically allowed), or is that nonessential travel (which is specifically not allowed)? It’s frustrating. I know a lot of businesses are gradually reopening (with new safety and sanitation requirements) around here, so that’s progress, but I don’t know all what I can do right now involving having friends over and stuff like that. And big gatherings like baseball games, concerts, and fairs aren’t coming back for a long, long time, they keep saying. 😦 The concert I was supposed to go to a few weeks ago was rescheduled for April 2021, and I’m not even sure if that will happen given the way people are talking here.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Yes, you reveal the contact with others that is so important to our routines. Hope there can be some safe ways now of getting back to that. I miss the few theatre trips I do with a friend but she is devastated by the problems theatres are facing and won’t be able to go for a long time as she is in the vulnerable health category.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. A fellow blogger is an elementary teacher in British Columbia. After almost two months of video teaching, they had to go into the classroom again. Each student sits far apart and there is a white square on the floor and they decorate their square and in that square they must stay, their desk is the “island”. I hope you don’t have to return on the 1st and I would be scared to go into a workplace. I think the “pause” has been good for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•
      The pause has been good for everyone. There are aspects bad for a lot of people. But I wasn’t writing about those things. Like my friend who really needs to be examined by a dr and can’t be. Another friend who needs treatment and can’t get it yet. Another friend who I won’t write about on here….
      I’m just trying to acknowledge that just coz I love what it has brought me I know it’s not so for everyone. I live with their pain…
      πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, for some the pause was good to spend more time with loved ones … for the others who could not work from home, it gave them not only more time with loved ones, but also time for new hobbies to try. Look at you, you would not have tried running except for extra time to enjoy and try a new adventure.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Being an introvert, it was easy to start of with. I was able to enjoy time alone without question. But it brought on anxiety.
    I wasn’t scared of catching the virus myself, but all the time I followed Government advice as to protect others.
    But I have before the virus came about enjoyed a cuppa out in cafes, either on my own, or odd time with friends and regular chats with neighbour and I missed that.
    Then frustration and anger came because I had started seeing others not following Government advice and yet here I was doing it.
    So after a while before Government eased off their lockdown a bit, I thought sod this, I live on my own having a difficult time right now and like company.
    So every Monday I allowed same neighbour into my flat for a cuppa and a chat. That felt good.

    Although things have eased in lockdown, I am in no hurry to go back to doing things. Not even when things are completely lifted,as I blogged about in a post called In no hurry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing Liz. I’m so behind on posts (and after shavuot is over I’ll be over a week behind). I’ve actually been completely avoiding the news. I spent the beginning of the virus panicking and freaking almost every moment. Stopping seeing the news was the best thing I could have done. Now you’re anyways allowed to visit friends.
      It’s definitely nerve wracking shopping and having everyone come so close to you. There’s a reason I avoid food shopping. For some reason home bargains when I’ve been there has been okay. Very few people there too.
      Thanks for reading and sharing!
      Hope you have a relaxing weekend…
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, best to stay away from the news and just keep in touch with Government news. I am not scared of the virus as you know. But it didn’t mean it affected me other ways. I had to avoid WordPress at one point because the virus was all I was seeing. I wanted to get away from it all, due to my frustration and anger with the virus when seeing people not following guidelines.
        Although the virus has not scared me, I still want to protect myself so by doing so I protect others.

        I plan to have a relaxing weekend, thank yoyu. Have a good weekend yourself. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I think having this chance to slow down, and being relieved of a lot of life’s pressures (you should do this or that with your time) has actually been positive and life-changing for a lot of people. Thanks for sharing this article.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Love this post and enjoyed the Aish article too.
    I’m so happy this was a positive experience for you and so proud of all your accomplishments, especially the running! (Might have something to do with me not being happy with my amount of exercise;))

    Lock-down has found me extremely busy, which I didn’t expect. But on the other hand, I am so much calmer. Right before the lock-down I was desperate for a break (right after a week of a total refresher vacation on my own – that’s how hectic and crazy it was). When lock-down arrived it was literally like the Heavens said: ” I see you, here you go” . I feel bad so many people have been suffering during these challenging times, especially since it’s been a Godsend for me.
    For the first time, I can appreciate growth and change, and not just acknowledge it quickly and move on to the next bullet point on my to-do list.
    I love not having to be around people. I am a real introvert, and I don’t miss people at all. The only downside is that my social anxiety is rearing its ugly head about having to interact with people in real life again soon(as opposed to only online with students). That was doing better before all of this, I was getting used to interacting with people without the anxiety. Hopefully I’ll manage to regain that quickly.
    Two of the lock-down weeks were quite difficult, because we had a lot of friction at home which resulted in me being extremely down and dark for a while. But the other 9 out of the 11 weeks were great – not like “OMG time of my life” great, but a “I can just be” kind of great. (I think there is no greater thing for us introverts than that.)
    I had grand plans for this period of time, and I didn’t really do any of it. So no, I didn’t have any more time than usual. But I had way more head-space to just be and there is nothing I appreciate more right now.

    Good luck, for whenever you start again…
    And… You are awesome and enough too πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing
      Get exercising!!! Yeah, I know how busy you’ve been.
      What I’m seeing is that there’s both sadness for those struggling and appreciation for the blessings it’s brought to me.
      When are you going back to work? It will be hard, but you will do it…
      I hope I never start!!!
      Love, light and glitter

      Like

  7. I think too there has been a positive for me as no pressure to socialise. I have missed contact with my daughters but in a way we have spoken and joked more online too! Coming out will need a bit of persuasion.

    Liked by 1 person

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