I’m sitting here, okay, lying in bed, shaking. What’s weird is that I feel absolutely nothing and gave a half smile on my face. It’s not weird. For I’m not sure if I ever feel anything when I shake.

I’m grateful. I think I know what my body is either processing or letting go of, and I’m grateful for it. I feel absolutely nothing. Just the physical sense of bodily shaking. There’s a lot I actually wanted to write about that. How I hope that this year I unify body and mind, how this year I want to actually experience in my body what is.

Shaking is s good thing. It means I’m actually processing in some way – well, I hope! – what happened this week. That I’m dealing with it in some way. Even if that way is really weird and disconnected in some ways. In some ways it’s really real, too. I will be sad. I will grieve. For now I’m not. For now my body is giving me what it needs even if I don’t connect to it.

I wonder if anyone will understand this – which is why I’m leaving it public although I passworded all my other posts. Because I want others to understand this. I want to know that others relate or know what I mean.

I don’t feel like I put what I mean clearly into words. It’s also that I don’t really know how to explain what shaking is and does and I don’t know if it’s possible to understand if you haven’t experienced it. That I work with shaking is neither good nor bad. Just a fact. That I am processing something, I know. I haven’t been shaking in what feels like years. I think it’s her death. And if it is, even I’d and though I’m not at all connected to my body, as I said, I’m grateful. By trying to explain I’m probably making this make even less sense.

Love, light, and glitter

You are worth it!

(I just realised that if I think about her as I shake I’m connecting to her.)

40 thoughts on “Shaking

      1. I’m really blessed! Everyone I love is at home and we have plenty! Our tomato plant keeps producing! I want to start a veggie garden because I have a feeling another virus will pass through; maybe not today, but somewhere down the road. How are U, Glittery One?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That will be cool. What would you plant? We’re doing good. Not everyone here (at home) is keeping to the regulations and they’re anxious, which just have to let go of. I’m mostly enjoying the space and time with family.
          Love, light, and glitter

          Like

  1. I admire your courage and positive attitude that are so important as you work through whatever is going on. As you’re processing, please take good care of yourself with plenty of water and nourishment. You are in my prayers.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Not quite sure I’m reading the situation accurately, Eliza, and thus, don’t know if I can offer anything helpful. Of course, many of the password-protected entries may provide necessary context.

    Anyway, this does seem to be a connection of sorts between your mental processes and your physical ones. It’s not uncommon that, when the brain has too much input to reconcile, it defers the overflow to the body, which responds to the stimuli by shaking. This seems to be what’s happening here. Not manifesting itself, perhaps, in the way you’d prefer, but this does point to an alignment of your emotional and corporal selves.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was just sharing and not making much sense 🙂
      Shaking isn’t a negative thing, if anything it’s a positive although I see it as neutral. Just a fact. Though i haven’t been shaking much at all recently. Yeah, the posts just shared what happened. Processing in any which way is good. Yes, I’d love to feel more connected but I’m here I’m present, and processing in any which way is positive. If that is what I was doing. Even if most people will process by crying for days and talking. I don’t. It’s probably actually easier to process my way, even if it means I’m not as connected. If that makes any sense.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “How I hope that this year I unify body and mind, how this year I want to actually experience in my body what is.”

    We share this wish for our year. We are reading _The Transformation _ by James Gordon, which is about how to achieve this. It’s not going very noticeably well. His ideas were intended for groups. We tried some in the hospital. We are not progressing perceptibly on our own.

    We started somatic therapy a few weeks ago to try to connect mind and body. The therapist and we were not a match. And now we are noticing disconnection.

    We appreciate your nonjudgmental stance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing…
      Not progressing perceptibly doesn’t mean no progress…
      Therapy with a therapist with someone who isn’t the right match can be chaos… Another kind of therapy I haven’t tried is TRE.
      Sending virtual hugs…
      Love, light, and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “Not progressing perceptibly doesn’t mean no progress… “ Thanks!

        We had never heard of TRE. How did you hear about it?

        We have 3 other therapists lol
        losing T-4 means we’re not closer to connecting mind-body
        Ah, maybe another path…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It may be something to discuss with them.
          TRE is basically shaking therapy. A way of releasing through shaking. I’ve never done it but wouldn’t recommend doing it alone (I would never cause myself to shake because I don’t know if it’s safe enough to do so. When it happens by itself I’m okay with it because my body has decided it is safe enough and even then I wouldn’t let myself shake for too long. It’s really just the way I work). Someone once asked me about it for themselves so I looked it up and then the energy practitioner I work with if I need anything (she does EFT and energy work) once explained some of it to me when I was shaking whilst on the phone to her.

          Re connecting mind-body in theory I’d love to do yoga or something like that. I just don’t have the motivation to do such things on my own. Mindfulness really helped me learn to be more present in the world but didn’t provide any connection.

          I’m not sure if I made sense as I know I was jumping lots.

          Love, light, and glitter

          Like

          1. We followed you fine
            We have muscle spasms when hypervigilance gets too jacked up, so shaking sounds possibly triggering?

            Shamanic Shaking is up our alley. Kind of a primal ecstatic dancing. Except we are hurt right now. A little. Being out of the body so much causes injury. And we’re not so young any more

            We did TCTSY yoga yesterday free online. Spouse joined us, which was fine. We’ve probably done yoga 10 times in our life. It takes bravery!
            https://www.traumasensitiveyoga.com/online-tctsy.html?fbclid=IwAR3DmAAUN3aTvve7koAUCAZ5NiL1I9-vaJQcNktgxFG20X5dGQ_Hk34307Y

            Liked by 1 person

  4. Not sure I can say anything that will help.

    However, I have a neurological disorder, part of which means that I don’t have any internal sensation (and lots of other stuff) and the messages don’t get to or from my brain and vice versa. ie. I could scald myself (it’s happened several times) with boiling water and I don’t feel it or I want my toes to bend and they won’t (the message won’t hit my toes lol). So I get that you feel disconnected to your body.

    I can’t feel my heart thudding when I have a sudden panic attack for what I think is no reason (I don’t know why I’m panicking) but my hands will start shaking and I can check my pulse and it’s racing. So whatever’s going on in mind, is somehow affecting my body, without me realising. Not sure if that makes any sense at all.

    I have to do some relaxation, mindfulness or distraction to reduce the panic.

    I didn’t realise you are password protected. Would you mind sending the password to me @ carol.hannah at Hotmail dot com

    Caz x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh my word. You wouldn’t believe this! after sending that last comment, I tried to stand up from my sofa, my legs wouldn’t work (it happens often with this disorder) and I fell back onto the sofa 3 times. I felt dizzy and hubby had to help me up the 4th time. I thought I was going to faint – checked my pulse and it was racing and I was shaking! I was having a panic attack, for no reason – other than the fact I was commenting about it?

    Just letting you know, shows how it happens subconsciously 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That makes lots of sense. Panicking definitely causes shaking… I can’t imagine how scary it would be not to be aware of what is going on in your body. For me, mostly there is very little bodily sensation or connection but that is because of my life, not neurological. Thank you for taking the time to share…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Take care Eliza and you seem to know how your mind and body are so connected. The body is helping by shaking and as long as you can let it and take deep rest it shouldn’t overcome your beautiful glittery mind. This is real and great suffering is happening to people I know and love. Compassion and care for ourselves and others is the gift we can give and of course gratitude.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Nava!

      Mind and body are always connected if we can tune into it.

      The glitter is always there 🙂 that’s something I’m so grateful for learning. That sadness, grief, pain, don’t take away the okayness, sunshine, laughter and of course glitter!

      I’m aiming for 27000 gratitudes by next year. I mean 2 years time. If we can keep it up with 50 a day (there are about 100 days a year that can’t write).

      Thanks for passing by Nava…

      Love, light, and of course glitter

      Liked by 1 person

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