Day 12: What and how did you overcome recently?

The question reminds me of this song.

Overcoming. I find the word weird. I’d love to hear your answers!

The biggest thing I’ve overcome recently is living with an eating disorder. If the question wasn’t recently I’d answer with something different. For the past couple of months I’ve been eating foods that I haven’t in years. When I stopped eating a few years ago I didn’t eat anything for a few months and then slowly started eating more and more, and then I’d cycle between obsessively eating only really healthy foods, eating way too much or what felt like way too much, doing something about it, and not eating, then having to get myself to eat again when I couldn’t handle it – not eating makes me dizzy and spiral.

How do I know this isn’t part of the cycle when any part of the cycle could last from a few days to a few months? I know it isn’t because I’m eating foods I haven’t eaten in years. Foods that make no sense to have been on my banned list, but the list was arbitrary. I don’t know why all the foods were on there. And I eat so few foods as it is, nothing to do with eating disorders, that having even one food on there limits my options, like, a lot.

It just feels different now. There’s no obsessiveness, which, regardless what part of the cycle I was at, there always was. I’ve gained some weight, and although I want to lose it so that my clothes can fit, I’m okay with it. For this moment I don’t hate my body and am just okay. I want to be healthy to take care of myself, not as an ED.

I know I can slip up. Same way that a few months ago I messed up. After 2 years of not self harming in a way that’s obviously self harm, and 2 years of no using cocodamol, I did. I burned and used for a month. That doesn’t mean I didn’t stop. It doesn’t mean I won’t slip up here too. Especially when it comes to a few months time which is when I originally stopped eating, or the new year which has always been triggering. It means that for now I’m really grateful to be here, where I am. It means that for now I’m grateful I’m living beyond eating disordered behaviour or thinking, and whilst ever it is, I’m grateful for it.

Gratitude challenge day 12: Recognise today as a gift.

In my last coronavirus quotes post I share a video of a woman dressing up to throw out the garbage.

The UK is in lockdown from today. I’m actually really grateful for that. That it is. It eases some of the anxiety I’ve been living with. The fear of catching it and passing it on to my vulnerable sister or parents who aren’t yet elderly.

I loved the video. I haven’t been going out since Thursday but I’ve been getting dressed every day. I’m not putting on makeup because my eyes are sore, but hopefully when they’re healed, I can spend time doing that. Being on lockdown doesn’t mean spending all day every day in pjs. Or, it can. Or it can mean dressing up for oneself. Dressing up to face a new day. Either just getting dressed, or completely dressing up.

Today is a gift. I’m so grateful to be here today.

More than I'm grateful to be alive, I'm grateful that I'm grateful to be alive.

Here, where I am. Here, in this world. Someone has been talking to me in the last few days. She often has but usually she’d want me to be there after the fact. Listening to her now shows me where I was. The freaking out and inability to handle a single moment of being. I’m not where I want to be. Although I’m learning that wherever I am is where I want to be.

The journey is the destination.

The journey is the destination

That the journey is the destination. That the struggle is where life is. That the changes are by the way.

Life. Life is a gift. A gift I’m not necessarily always grateful for. A gift nonetheless. A gift I sometimes really appreciate. Hey, maybe it really did help to write every night as I used to ‘god, thank you for another day of life’ even when I didn’t want it. At all. Life is a gift.

There is so much I want to learn. One day I’d love to know what I feel when I feel it. One day I’d love to know what I believe when I decide it’s the right time to work it through. One day I’d love all my perceptions and choices to be based on the present, not the past. One day I’d love to know who I am and what I want from my life. One day. One day I’d love to live in the present, as this year is about not overthinking, just being. Every day, every single day, on the way to the ‘there’, is a gift. The journey is a gift I’m grateful for. And the ‘there’ constantly changes. There is always further to go. There is always more to learn, more to give, more to be. The ‘there’ is the now.

Life is a gift. And today, today is a gift.

Today’s gratitude challenge is to recognise today as a gift.

Today is a gift. It may be harder to recognise with the lockdown. Or maybe the lockdown will give time to really be, and appreciate the gift of today. The gift of every day.

I’m looking forward for the time. The time to spend with my family. The time to be. The time to listen to classes I always want to but have never had time to focus on. I’m grateful for time.

Wasn’t my plan to ramble anything for this, so going to leave it here. That for today I’m going to try and recognise today as a gift.


Love, light, and glitter

32 thoughts on “Gratitude challenge: Day 12

  1. Love this post! Both the question and the challenge are beautiful and your answers even more so!
    Keep on getting dressed, and if you can have a daily walk… I have been doing that most days and it makes all the difference!

    I overcame parts of my social anxiety recently (I’m regressing because of the lockdown but I’m hopeful that the progress will still be significant!). I used to leave things hanging rather than make a call, or talk to someone. This year I was forced to come out of that, not for myself but for my students. But the effects were there for me just the same! I couldn’t let the matters hang, because they weren’t mine. I couldn’t disappoint my students and make them struggle with their demons without trying to do something about it. Which involved calling parents, and colleagues, and professionals, you name it… My heart still beats every time but the progress is huge!

    It’s funny that that’s today’s challenge. I’ve been really positive and upbeat this whole time since the lockdown and today I’m just not in the greatest of moods. And oddly enough I can still see the beauty and the gift of a new day, so challenge met!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Walking?????? Hmm… maybe? I’m trying to exercise a bit. And I’m out today driving my brother to buy food. The car park is packed! By the way, do you drive?

      It’s cool when you have to face your fears. You know, you didn’t have to, you just put your students before yourself… are you still in touch with them? Here the high school are giving phone classes (but I’m in SEN so doesn’t affect me).

      The day is awesome. I feel like the down days teach us as much as the up. I hope tomorrow is an up day… it’s a way bigger deal for you to meet the challenge, when it’s harder, than for me to.

      Love, light, glitter, and sparkles

      Like

      1. You don’t walk? I haven’t exercised enough at all, and I’m feeling it… Maybe today! Maybe not πŸ˜‰
        Nope, I don’t drive, got my permit never took the test and then it was too late..

        Yeah, I’m in touch with a lot of my students every day over email. My school is giving phone classes too, but I’m leaving the phone for the older teachers who don’t/can’t use email and making it easier on myself in the process! I’ll be giving a class on Zoom though one of these days, kinda nervous about that.

        Have a sparkly day!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Good luck with the class…. I’m glad you’re there for them…

          And her, get driving! It’s so worth it. You can do it after all this is over…

          You too… 🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬 have a dolphin :). I hope to tidy my room today. I tidied it but yesterday I took my draws out and have to put everything back for moved the bed etc. Got all the time in the world it feels.

          Love, light, and glitter

          Like

          1. Thanks!

            I’ve been planning on doing it for 7 years now πŸ˜‰ My dad wants me to learn shift but I couldn’t get the hang of it..

            Hope you’re managing to tidy up – I want to arrange my handbags and clean them out. No need for them now πŸ˜‰

            Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s curious, Eliza, but my anxiety is at a reasonable level despite the chaos around us. It feels as though everyone is feeling like we do all the time. Many congratulations on your positive attitude, always looking forward and challenging yourself. Hugs to you! K x

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for reading, and letting me know Christina. I appreciate it lots… especially as this post means a lot to me. I didn’t mean it as a quote but I guess it is one. It helps me to remind myself and if I can remind others at the same time, all the better.

      I hope you are doing okay…

      Love, light, and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “The journey is the destination.” That says it all. I like the picture of the steps too Eliza. I am hoping we come away smarter from this pandemic, but I think this C-virus will take a toll on our well-being, more mentally than physically. Eating a little more and being healthy is good right now to keep your immune system humming along. Take care Eliza.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stunning picture, right? I edited it for the saying. I can’t believe I managed! Took as long to do the picture as writing the post.
      I’m having a protein vitamin shake every day now, and whatever is, is up to god.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well it was stunning – I loved it. I am glad you are still taking lots of pictures. I was going to do a post for this morning – maybe tomorrow morning but think I’m gong to head off here soon as we have heavy rain and started to rumble out there a little. Finally, early to bed! (Unless the thunder stops.) Those sound good for you. Yes, this is very true, today and always. Hopefully the UK will stabilize soon – today the U.S. surpassed China with the Coronavirus. Great, just great.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Ha ha – well that is my problem exactly and why I get so far behind with everything in the house – it seems to me that I used to go out on my walk and take SOME pictures, write a SHORT post and be done with it. Now, just like you, I go on a walk to the Park, sometimes a very long walk, take a ton of pictures and come home overwhelmed at looking them. I usually sort them out to go into a blog post, but they often need a second weeding out … it takes forever to do all those things. So I truly “get it” … we are having an ugly rainy and maybe stormy weekend, so I’ll get some much-needed work done in the house (finally). Love, light and glitter Eliza.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. you really have come so far and even your writing flows more peacefully … so you will slip up occasionally, they are ingrained habits that take persistent effort to change!
    but I can’t imagine the lady I met a few years ago finding such hilarious takes on the current pandemic … well done, congrats! I am proud to know you ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is a beautiful post, ‘grateful to be alive’. Indeed may be the lock-down will instil a sense of reflecting upon our lives and realising how every minute, every hour, every day is important and like you wrote, ‘the journey is the destination’. Perhaps at the end of this we will emerge considerate and compassionate. And I’m so grateful to have chanced upon your blog. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for passing by and leaving such a nice comment!
      I am for the moment appreciating every minute and hopefully we will all continue to do so… there is a lot of compassion being brought into the world with this…

      How are you doing?

      Love, light, and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re most welcome πŸ™‚ Indeed, I’m taking this time to reflect upon myself, breathe every moment and understand how important it is. And you said it right, the crisis has brought the world together, broken down walls of differences and linked everyone through gentle links of compassion πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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