Continuing today…

I feel like I can’t breathe.

And, I kinda want to use. The thought has been floating around my mind the past few days. Not just nights. Also about self harm, but that’s easier because it’s much less. I don’t want it in the same way.

I’m sure that if I actually use (cocodamol) it won’t give me what I want. I don’t know what I want. Oblivion. I don’t think destruction. I dunno. Tired and on edge. I drove to calm down and it helped but only until I came home. I wish I could just go to sleep. But sleep won’t happen. And trying to sleep will just mean thinking and fighting using.

Work went really well today. I spent an hour last night downloading resources which was really helpful. One of the groups I’ve been struggling with, the student who disrupts it is finally feeling safer. From another group I got a love letter from one of my little girls and it’s surprising to me how much I appreciate it. And I’m just hoping they all learn and get to where they can. They all worked well today.

Today has been busy and good. And really on edge, the I can’t breathe, everything is really tight kind.

I’m grateful for new days. I’m grateful for this space and all who take the time to read and respond, who join me on this journey. I’m grateful for my understanding of the world. I’m grateful for possibility.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Love, light and glitter


22 thoughts on “Random ramblings 89, Part 3 (anxiety?)

  1. (Gotta love David)

    Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself like you have a giant fan club and you are the number one fangirl. You deserve that and David and I will fall in line behind you after your sweet little students of course.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Children can be so inspiring. The sound of children’s pure, happy, innocent laughter is one of my favorite sounds in the entire world.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Every day is a new day 🙂 Filled with opportunity, possibility and hope
      So long as there’s life, there’s hope…. 😉

      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re a warrior and a survivor all in one person. Be proud of being a good teacher despite your feelings. Be proud of being out of the house despite your feelings and be proud that you wake up again and take on the day and all the shit that comes with it. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds like there’s quite a lot going on, which can be overwhelming in itself even when things are going well. I’m glad work’s been good – you make a positive difference to lives and you should be super proud for that. Take time for yourself this weekend, breathe, rest, savour the quiet. Sending hugs xxxx

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Bad week but a little better today, thank you for asking – you’re so kind, even when you’ve got enough going on. How’re you doing today? Are you able to take a little down time this weekend to look after Eliza? xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I think of you often. You’ve a lot going on…

          It’ll be a busy two weeks and then I have holidays and chanukah so it’ll be a change of pace.


          Liked by 1 person

            1. I thought of one cute thing to make for everyone. I hope to make a rubix cube – decorate a side or two for each person. I need some other cute ideas.
              What are you buying for people?
              Love, light and glitter

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Aww that’s such an awesome idea! Very novel, I never would have thought of anything like that.
                I’m not too sure yet with what I’m getting, but I’ve already got a couple of smaller things (books for my dad, some little bits for my mum and a new case for her Fire tablet). I usually get them things each then one or two things as a ‘household’ gift, more of a way to say thanks and give a little contribution. Those are usually bigger, but money is tight year so I’m not really sure. Need to make some lists! I just don’t feel festive yet. Do you? xx

                Liked by 1 person

                1. It’s the thought that is the main thing… maybe you can find some cheaper nice things on ebay/amazon/ali

                  It’s not yet festive season here. I don’t, but I’m grateful for what is.

                  Liked by 1 person

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