There’s nothing there
They don’t understand that
There really is
Nothing. There.

Nothingness.
It’s as though I’m watching
Myself
Observing
From the viewing tower

Disconnect? Check
Distance? Check
Connection? Nope
Present? Maybe

There is nothing there

I can’t get through
The glass wall
I don’t know
I don’t know what is there
I don’t know what is there

Sometimes I wonder
If there is anything at all
I’m scared I’ll come and see that
There is nothing
There is nothing there

I’m scared I’ll see that
All I am is an illusion
Beneath the facade,
As soon as you get through the walls
The walls I can’t penetrate
Can’t see what’s there
I’ll see that
The reason I could never see beyond
Was that
There isn’t. Anything.

Emptiness
Blank
Is that all there is
All there ever will be

For

There is
Nothing
Nothing there
I am nothing. Nothing.


My response to there’s nothing there elizareasonstolive.com/letter-to-myself-14th-september-19/

I do know that we’ll find the key. And Eliza, when we find the key, we’ll find a beautiful garden. Filled with flowers and weeds. Tangled and tended to. A beautiful garden. Awesome in it’s wilderness. And together we’ll prune and let it continue to grow. We’ll find a garden Eliza. We’ll find a garden.

There is something there. You aren’t nothing. When you see reality, you’ll know reality is real, exists. It’s not emptiness. It’s not an illusion. It is there. It’s there. We’ll find the key Eliza. And we’ll unlock the door. And have fun playing. And learning. Learning the names of the plants and the purposes they serve. Looking at the beauty. Lying in the sun. It’ll be awesome exploring. Like Mary Lennox (The secret garden).

Letter to myself

There is so much darkness
So much light
I wonder which are real
And then I know
Both are
Both are
Intertwined
Black and white
And all the colours of the rainbow
Forming
A kaleidoscope
Of beauty
Created with
The light
And the dark
And the dark
For that’s a part of the picture
Brings the part into a whole
They’re both
Equally real
Equally true

Vie for front position
Have to learn
To coexist
That they can live together
For one reality

Doesn’t negate another
Even when
They’re a contradiction in terms
For it then forms
The kaleidoscope
Of life
Of life


The darkness
It calls my name
I hear it whispering
It promises me comfort
Familiarity
It’s home to me
It’s what I know
What I know and what I deserve

The darkness
It calls my name
I hear it echoing
It wants me to join it
To come out and play
It promises me it’s my friend
It knows me best, after all

The darkness
It calls my name
I hear it, I hear it
I know it’s where I belong
It’s my friend
It brings peace, blankness
It brings destruction in it’s wake

The darkness
It calls my name
Whilst another voice whispers
Joins in the fray
Promises it’s not all there is
Not all there is to life

The darkness
It calls my name
Whilst hope whispers too
Don’t know where to turn
Dizzy from them both
Never sure
If it’s even real
Or if I imagine (create) it all


Choices
So many choices
Why do I have to constantly choose?
When will the choice finally go
When will it just be living with the choice of life I once made without the constant wish to just destroy it all, and the wondering if I even want that.
OCD (the thought)? I don’t think so. But who knows.
Who knows.
Why do I have to choose?

15 thoughts on “TW. Rambling 37915

  1. Powerful message. I like the way the negative is mixed with the positive, and the way it ends with a question. There’s light in the dark, as well as dark in the light – and one wouldn’t exist without the other.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. One of the things I try the hardest to do, when writing is to use it to channel the negativity and make it positive. I don’t like to post what I’ve written if it doesn’t have the positivity because then it’ll just be a drag.
      There is the light and the dark mixed together. I’m learning that it’s what makes the beauty of the world, what makes it awesome. The question, was just, what I was writing. Just copied that out too. I didn’t actually copy all I wrote out. I linked the letter I wrote (which really is gorgeous and was really helpful to write, gave me some perspective). I didn’t copy out all I wrote beforehand. The only negative which just is a waste of time. It’s not that it’s a waste of time to write. For putting it down allows the space for the hope and belief. I think. Why’m I rambling?
      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What does “TW” stand for in the title? And do the numbers have any meaning?

    I read the whole thing in one breath. Very engaging. The nature of it definitely spoke to me and I nodded as I read through it. “The Secret Garden” is such a wonderful book. I believe the garden exists. Choices can definitely make things difficult, but you don’t have to choose if you’re not ready.

    Like

    1. Trigger Warning. It’s not my summation or acronym or whatever that’s called. The numbers don’t have meaning although I did notice they were all odd, and thought of changing them around (I just typed some numbers and changed the last to make it flow better). Numbers definitely do or don’t make sense when they’re together.

      Thanks! I added in that it was the secret garden. When I wrote the letter to myself (I copied the entire letter out on my other blog, just 2 paragraphs here) I didn’t write the reference to the secret garden, but then when I copied it out….

      I do have to choose. Every single moment is a choice. There is no way for any moment not to be a choice. And choosing not to choose is also a choice……

      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I see.

        You are right about the choices in every moment. However, I think some are more important than others because they have a bigger impact on our life. Do you struggle with making ANY decisions? Or just the bigger ones?

        Like

        1. I don’t necessarily have trouble making decisions. Oh gosh, come to think of it I’m so indecisive!!! Here I was referring to the fact that every moment is a choice to live and keep choosing to believe in or hold onto the hope/light. That every moment is a choice and I wish it weren’t a choice, that I didn’t constantly have to choose (and fight) the same things. That I didn’t have to choose life every moment. It was a choice. It’s one I’m keeping to. That I’m waiting for the day it’s not a constant one. When I don’t wonder if it’s the right thing, if I want it, if I should keep to it, what keeping to it means, if I should choose differently, if messing up is going against it. Et. Al. When its just the reality. If that makes sense.

          Liked by 1 person

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