I can’t see that there’s any point in writing anything, but maybe.

Shaking. Was freaking earlier. It’s like, the can’t breathe freaking, that immediately gives way to shaking – if I let it, which I do and don’t. I wish I’d understand what it’s about. I don’t understand it. I’m okay. I really and truly am okay. Work was okay today. Being back at work was okay. The staff seem to be sweet. The girls seem to be really cute – I seem to be teaching a bunch of cute girls who want to learn. Journaled rambled. Read. Then freaking out – not over anything as far as I can see.

I just wish I knew how to make this stop. How to be able to go to sleep. Instead of ‘listening’ to music through headphones and reading. And shaking. And freaking. When I want to go to sleep and can’t for not in a place that can do so. I know what helps me get to an okay place when I’m not – or maybe I don’t, but there are some things that help me. I don’t know how to stop freaking out and ease the tightness though. I’m breathing properly. I’m relaxing – or trying to. I’m okay. And, I don’t know.

I’m grateful for music. I’m grateful for S, who came over, looked at my new stuff and approved. I’m grateful I was able to help my friend. I’m grateful for books to read. I’m grateful that I’m back to journaling the last few days, I know it’s good for me. I’m grateful for all the awesome people I meet her. I’m grateful that I’m present enough to know I’m okay even if and though I’m freaking and have no clue what to do about it. I’m grateful I could ask. I’m grateful was able to teach others how to do something yesterday, was nice to be able to help in that way. I’m grateful for seeing friends today. I’m grateful.

This says nothing and didn’t actually help to write. I was kinda hoping that it would.

I also don’t especially enjoy shaking.

Love, light and glitter

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39 thoughts on “298310. 1983021. 8012. 39285. 3. Just need a title.

  1. learn to go into your shaking or breathlessness … maybe draw it, make it a colour and shape, get to know it better … I find going into my chronic pain helped more than being agro or fiercely trying to block it out πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’ve had panic attacks for what seems like forever. The shaking is your fight or flight reaction. I have a great medical doctor who walked me through a bad one in her office one day. The method seems silly and embarrassing, but I tell you… IT WORKS!!!!
    Start with stomping your feet a little bit, then shaking your hands and arms a bit… purposefully move and shake your body for a minute or two. It doesn’t have to be drastic or take forever. This releases the adrenaline and cortisone in your body created by the panic. The difference afterwards is remarkable!!!
    With that said, I’m sorry today was so hard. β™₯ Hugs to you!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I can relate to what you’re going through, though it’s been 25 years since I’ve had to deal with it personally. I’m going to be very clear here, because this is important. All of that breathing stuff is BS. You can’t breathe, or concentrate on breathing, when you’ve got a hamster on the hamster wheel in your melon spinning at 350 rpm. That $#!+ just doesn’t work. What DOES is calling someone and talking through it. Or call someone, talk through it and go to a meeting… or read some Big Book stuff… anything that gets you thinking about recovery instead of how you’re freaking out. This will go away over time, but only if you work toward that happening. If you just sit and let your head spin, that’s exactly what will happen… until you use again. Then, rinse and repeat. Repeatedly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it. I love your expressions!
      It definitely does pass if don’t think about it, and let it be and move on to other things.

      Happy weekend and happy biking πŸ™‚

      Love, light and glitter

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Bless your heart! Panic and anxiety are some of the worst experiences to feel. Your whole body just vibrates and you feel like you want to jump right out of your skin but can’t. The agitation, the frustration, the feeling of being trapped – I am so sorry.

    Are you familiar at all with Inositol? It used to be considered vitamin B8 but is now recognized for what it is – a type of sugar found naturally in the body. Inositol is responsible for balancing hormones and neurotransmitters in the body. People who have chronic pain, anxiety, depression, OCD, PCOS, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and conditions along these lines – are not properly transmitting Inositol in their bodies.

    I began taking only 1 capsule (I take the capsules instead of the powder) and found it to be unbelievably helpful in keeping me far more peaceful and calm. Each person is different of course and I’m not here to give medical advice. But if you are interested at all, please do look in to Inositol and its benefits. You might just find that it changes your life too. πŸ™‚

    Endless blessings & love being sent your way…. πŸ’• ~ Holly

    Liked by 1 person

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