I can’t see that there’s any point in writing anything, but maybe.
Shaking. Was freaking earlier. It’s like, the can’t breathe freaking, that immediately gives way to shaking – if I let it, which I do and don’t. I wish I’d understand what it’s about. I don’t understand it. I’m okay. I really and truly am okay. Work was okay today. Being back at work was okay. The staff seem to be sweet. The girls seem to be really cute – I seem to be teaching a bunch of cute girls who want to learn. Journaled rambled. Read. Then freaking out – not over anything as far as I can see.
I just wish I knew how to make this stop. How to be able to go to sleep. Instead of ‘listening’ to music through headphones and reading. And shaking. And freaking. When I want to go to sleep and can’t for not in a place that can do so. I know what helps me get to an okay place when I’m not – or maybe I don’t, but there are some things that help me. I don’t know how to stop freaking out and ease the tightness though. I’m breathing properly. I’m relaxing – or trying to. I’m okay. And, I don’t know.
I’m grateful for music. I’m grateful for S, who came over, looked at my new stuff and approved. I’m grateful I was able to help my friend. I’m grateful for books to read. I’m grateful that I’m back to journaling the last few days, I know it’s good for me. I’m grateful for all the awesome people I meet her. I’m grateful that I’m present enough to know I’m okay even if and though I’m freaking and have no clue what to do about it. I’m grateful I could ask. I’m grateful was able to teach others how to do something yesterday, was nice to be able to help in that way. I’m grateful for seeing friends today. I’m grateful.
This says nothing and didn’t actually help to write. I was kinda hoping that it would.
I also don’t especially enjoy shaking.
Love, light and glitter