Someone emailed me about my fifty forth reason – You’re okay. When you’re in a dark place, what would help you? What would you want others to say and do? How would you want others to be there for you?
via When you’re in a dark place — Reasons to live
I’ve been skimming through some of the posts on my reasons to live blog. This is one post that I’d love to hear your answers to. What helps you when you are in a dark place?
Love, light and glitter
Journey to life 
I think when I’m in my dark place I’d rather be alone. But, if I have to choose, I’d rather listen to a comedy show instead of people asking how i am or giving me pep talks….. i suppose that means i’d still rather be left alone 😉
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That reminds me, I often listen to Ellentube at such times. Being alone is easier than having to handle other people, unless they can give the space needed and still be there.
Thanks for taking the time to answer Jina.
Love, light and glitter
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A great question. I think my answer is can be found in your latest post about people not being to mind-read. I wish people knew what I needed when I’m in a dark place.
Like Jina, I like being left alone, because it decreases the chances of other people making it worse. I can handle myself, but when I’m low and have to be around people who have no clue… it can be very detrimental.
Sometimes I enjoy getting distracted, so I ask people to just act normal and not pay attention to me. It takes the pressure off both parties and allows for spontaneous joy.
Kudos to those who ask: “What can I do to help?”. That shows that they are compassionate and want to help, but most of all – that they aren’t presumptuous in knowing what you want (which they are often wrong about). It’s crucial that they actually follow my request. Otherwise, why ask?
Admittedly, I am terrible at making others feel better. I want to help them right away. The problem is that they themselves often don’t know, which frustrates me.
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It’s a shame they can’t… just being there and not doing anything probably helps.
I sometimes will call a friend and ask them to just talk to me and they’ll ramble about anything and everything.
Love, light and glitter
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I commend you for posing this question. A whole lot of people can be helped simply by knowing what to do or not to do – whether it’s in their own life or someone they cherish.
What helps me? Praying in the Spirit. LOTS of it. I get quiet and I pray. Quite often I don’t really want to be around others when I’m in ‘that place.’ I simply want to be – to recharge and re-calibrate so to speak. That feeling of being lost in the middle of nowhere is very upsetting and it’s best to regain some footing I think. Others may unknowingly make the loneliness feel even deeper.
It also helps me to start listing what I am grateful for. If it’s really dark, sometimes that can be hard to do. What I normally could easily rattle off, becomes hard to locate. But I begin to meditate on everything that I do have, can do and can appreciate, even if it’s extremely small. Often when I do that, I find places where my ‘stinking thinking’ on wrong things has affected my mood and isn’t even true anyway! Then I can correct the direction of my thinking by simply being aware.
I think people around someone in a dark place (assuming it’s a close relationship) can be helpful by simply ‘being there.’ Be aware of what that person needs. If it’s space to sort through the chaos, do that. If it’s a silent hug, do that. Compassion and empathy go a looooong way. You don’t have to understand what someone is going through to care.
I hope your day today isn’t a dark one, but is instead filled with tons of love, joy and peace! 💜
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I love your wishes Holly :). My world at the moment isn’t dark, and I’m super grateful for that. I spent a month or so getting over someone’s suicide (I didn’t know him, he’s from the community I’m in) and am grateful not to be spending every night freaking out any longer. Still spends nights often on edge, but compared to what was, it’s good. It’s really good.
I think being there for someone is the biggest gift someone can give.
Someone once told me to spend 5 minutes writing what I’m grateful for. Although I don’t often use that tool – I forgot about it, thanks for reminding me 🙂 – it’s a great way to think of the good things. Writing a gratitude list every evening (which I do still do) helps to look for the small things so as not to end up repeating the same things every single day.
Love, light and glitter Holly
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