Why can’t people mind-read? I expect them to. I expect them to know what I think and when they don’t give me what I wanted – which I didn’t specifically ask for but meant and intended – I’m really hurt and know that they don’t care about me at all.

Just been journaling and wrote the above. Decided to come and write about it here.

I was journaling about E. Someone I was hurt with who wasn’t there for me when I reached out to her, after telling me just a week before that I could reach out to her and she would be really happy to be there. I’d sent her a link to what I wrote – Thinking about using – with the words Just want to share. I thought she would respond and she didn’t. That meant to me that she wasn’t there. Thinking about it now, the words I said, that I want to share, kinda leaves no necessary response. I wasn’t asking her to respond. I was asking her to listen. If she read what I wrote, she did listen. She didn’t give me what I didn’t ask for.

Was thinking too about what went on earlier today. I sent RR what I wrote – the dialogue about how/why bad exists – he responded pretty quickly that it’s amazing and thank you so much for sharing. I was hurt. I was hurt and angry with his response. For it wasn’t what I wanted from him. I wanted him to engage with the material I sent to him. I’d have loved his thoughts on a couple of the points I wrote about. He didn’t give that to me. So I was hurt. (Which makes me feel bad that I was upset instead of grateful. Grateful that he’d taken the time to read what I wrote. And bother responding when he has absolutely no need or desire to do so. And, I am. I do appreciate it). I guess I felt like he’d disregarded what I’d asked for. He didn’t give me what I didn’t ask for.

Why can’t people mind-read? This is just todays examples. I don’t necessarily have examples of this every day. I’m assuming if I think about it I can come up with a whole lot of examples from different times. Actually, I can think of a lot of times. I was hurt with people. They didn’t give me what I didn’t ask for. I meant it. I implied it. I thought it. I knew it. It was and is so evident to me that in my mind it should be so evident to the other person. And of course I don’t see at the time that I haven’t actually stated what I want. For in my mind, I’ve said it. It’s so real and so true that obviously the other person knows. Why can’t people mind-read again?

I was journaling about E because she had offered 2 things to me at the same time and I was realising I can’t ask her to do what she said she would. If she didn’t do the first I can’t trust she meant the second. So I was thinking about her today. Except that, thankfully now I see that she didn’t necessarily back out from the first. So she hasn’t backed out from her second offer either. And I can still ask her if she wants to join me in that.

The most important example I can think of is with AH, my ex therapist. What ultimately ended it – asides from both of us messing up big time – was his inability to mind-read and understand all I was trying to say. I know now that it was his responsibility, as the therapist, to make sure that didn’t get in the way, but that definitely played a big part. He couldn’t give to me what I didn’t ask for.

The point is, why is it that people can’t mind-read? I expect them to. And they can’t. And I’m hurt when they haven’t given me what I’ve asked for. Except that I haven’t actually asked for it! I intended it. I meant it. I implied it. I wanted it. I thought it. I knew it. I even thought I spelled it out in A, B, C. Yet I didn’t. Yet, I don’t. And I end up being hurt by it. I’m the one hurt by it, not them. They don’t care if they aren’t a part of my life. They couldn’t care less if they’d never hear from me again. They couldn’t care about me either way. I care.

Why did you say people can’t mind-read?

Love, light and glitter

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27 thoughts on “Why can’t people mind-read?”

  3. I get frustrated by that, too. I think I made things “obvious”, but apparently, that is not always the case. And sometimes you don’t want to say it. You just expect people to know. Unfortunately, that does not happen too often. Sure, chances are the more you know someone and they know you, the better you two get at reading each other’s minds, but that won’t be accurate 100% of the time anyway.

    Sometimes I wish people could read my mind so that they knew what I meant by saying x, y or z and they wouldn’t jump to conclusions and misunderstand me. But other times I realize that them not knowing what’s going on in my head is a good thing.

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    1. Yeah, I find that my friends who know me understand me a lot more. It’s a matter of learning what is actually understood, what is actually stated. Though it’s definitely a good thing they can’t. Imagine we all had screens on our foreheads saying what we were thinking? We’d clean up our acts really quickly. Or hibernate.

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    1. It’s definitely hard. When I am talking to others I have to learn to just listen and not plan on responding at all. Just listen. And be there. Thanks for the reminder

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      1. I do try to do that too Eliza – or keep my thoughts tucked away. It is how we were raised. We have had a stormy day here – one more round and I’ll shut down for tonight … another night not catching up, though I am just two days behind as of now.

        Love, light and glitter back at you Eliza.

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          1. I’m trying but it rained all day today so I was on here this morning then worked in the house all day. I have indulged myself in going out every weekend and then writing long blog posts and this has made me not so productive at home. I used to do some things in the morning but don’t get things done before I go out in the morning as I am usually on WordPress with comments or doing pictures or something related to the blog. (((((hugs back at you E)))

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            1. As long as all that is necessary gets done, being happy and fulfilled is the most important. I’m glad you are going out every weekend. It’s important to.
              Love, light and glitter

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              1. I agree with you Eliza – the cooler mornings, sun rising later all mean Fall will soon arrive and then you worry about slippery leaves and walking, black ice at the park and then snow/ice… have to seize each day you can!
                Love, light and glitter back at you.

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  6. I don’t have an issue making clear what I want.
    What I’m trying to do is accept that just because I want it; doesn’t mean the other person will give it to me.

    I so badly want them to validate me, hug me – but I’m realizing I can’t make anyone do any of that. And if they don’t want to right now. I need to accept that.

    But it still hurts. A lot.
    Thanks for the post.

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    1. Thanks for passing by…. actually been thinking of you recently… How are you doing?
      You can’t make any of hem to any of it and it’s definitely hard to accept….
      Sending sunshine and sparkles
      Love, light and glitter

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