I feel like I can’t breathe. Trying to breathe through it and ignore the pain in my chest/throat, mainly throat. So tired. So tired. So tired. Finding it hard to breathe. Went to the library. Went on a ride – drove. Friend came over. I wanted her to give me a hug. Couldn’t ask her for one. Too much in protection mode. Still feel like I can’t breathe. Freaking out. Don’t have a reason to. Not that I need a reason to. It’d just be easier, maybe, if I understood why I was freaking out, rather than freaking out over nothing. And if I’m freaking over nothing, I’m not looking forward to packing. I always freak out when I pack. So I’m learning to prepare in advance and pack earlier, I still usually panic. I’m not interested in freaking. I don’t know. Tired. Finding it hard to breathe and just breathing through it, which doesn’t really help at all. I wanted to go on the motorway but unsure if the mirror is up to it for it was broken yesterday so although it didn’t come out at all today – one of the side mirrors – not gonna risk taking it on the motorway until it’s been checked over by a mechanic. If on a side road and it comes out can push it back in but it’s not safe on the motorway. Why on earth do I care about safety? I want to use cocodamol. Not because I want to use. But to calm down. I want the cloud, the haze. I want the peace. I forgot, the last time I saw my GP I’d planned on asking him if he’d have any medication I could take on an as needed basis. I forgot to ask him. Mainly because I discussed 2 different things properly with him and I couldn’t ask anything else, but really I just forgot coz’ it wasn’t relevant. I’d planned on asking 3 months ago, and the appointment was pushed off and off and off. And now I can’t breathe. And it’ll pass. And tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow is always a new day.
Love, light and glitter