He killed himself. I don’t even know him. He died yesterday. He lived across the road from her. She ended her life in January. I don’t know why anyone told me. I don’t know. It’s not fair. Why? Why is there so much darkness in the world that no light could penetrate? Why is it fair that his life has been taken from him when he has an entire life to still live? He could have had such joy, such light, a life full of meaning, and now he’ll never experience it. Why is that fair? Why? Why do the world stand by? Why is there no resources? They started some sort of helpline here. If you’re asking me, it’s nowhere near enough. A night for men, a night for women, and a day each. That’s nothing. Not a drop in the ocean. And referrals to resources, do you have a list of resources? I wanted to get in touch with the organisers. I still do. I still will. Why? Why is there such darkness in the world? Darkness is a lack of light. So the question isn’t really that. It’s more why is there no light? And why is there such pain that the darkness becomes an entity on its’ own rather than just a lack? It’s not fair. He’ll never know what could’ve been…..

Why is it fair? Why is it fair that an innocent boy doesn’t see another choice? Why is it fair that he is never going to see all that could have been? Why is it fair that he’ll never see another sunrise or sunset? Why is it fair that his family will never see him smile again? Why is it fair that his family will wonder what they could have done? Why is it fair that he will never open his eyes to another day? Why is it fair that he can never have another choice? Why is it fair that he won’t have one last breath? Why is it fair? Why is it fair? Why? Why? Why? Why is it fair? How can it be? How can the world be? How can such darkness exist? How can there be no place for the light to penetrate? How can the walls collapse so far inwards that there’s never another choice? Why? Why? Why?

And why is it fair that it takes something so sad to show me that I’m able to experience pain? That I’m able to cry over it even though I can never ever cry? Why is it fair that something so sad shows me in comparison to last time that I’m in a better place? Why is it fair that it takes this to show me I don’t want suicide any longer? Why is it fair? Why? Why? Why is it fair?

Why? Why? Why? Why? How can it be? Why? How can anyone live through another day knowing they didn’t do anything? Why? Why is it fair? Why?

Why? Why is it fair? How is it fair? Why? Why? Why?

Why is it fair? He’ll never get to see his siblings smile. He’ll never see the ocean. He’ll never see colours. He’ll never see. He’ll won’t be here for another moment of life. Why? How is it fair? How can it be? Why is it fair? How is it possible? Why? Why? Why? Why is it fair?

So long as there’s life, there’s hope. There’s no longer any hope left for him. For he isn’t here for it. He isn’t here to see that there’s another choice. He isn’t here to see that as long as there’s life, there’s choice. He isn’t here to see all that could’ve been. He isn’t here. Why? Why? Why is it fair? How is it fair? Why? Why is it fair?

Why? Why is it fair??????????????? Why?

Why is it fair??

23 thoughts on “Trigger warning. Why is it fair?

    1. I kinda agree with that. That deaths a new beginning.
      Gosh, crying definitely helps (though yeah, if you really cry for half an hour you’ll probably be calmer).
      I still think it’s not fair though. But, I’m going to enter shabbat now. Breathe, and try and get through the next days. I’m just sad. And, it’s okay. I’m sad that he’ll never know what could’ve been. He’ll never see another day. He’s entered another arena. I don’t blame him. I don’t think he was wrong. He didn’t have another choice. I think it’s not fair THAT he didn’t have another choice. I think the world isn’t fair that he couldn’t see there was hope or light and gave up on all possibility in this world. I think it’s not fair to him. And I shouldn’t rant to you. I’ve ranted more than enough (okay I haven’t ranted enough, but I shouldn’t to you, it’s not fair of me to).
      I hope you have a peaceful weekend, filled with sunshine and joy.
      Love, light and glitter…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. It’s perfectly fine to rant! That’s how you get things off your chest! And I dont mind at all. I’ve been through something similar. Someone I know was in an accident and he passed away. That was unfair for him because it wasn’t his fault, and I don’t understand why people have to die who aren’t at fault. It’s sad and depressing. But I know he’s in a better place…
    And Happy Shabbat 💚

    Liked by 3 people

  2. It’s so hard to see the darkness in the world and know you can’t do anything about it. It’s hard to realize that life just isn’t fair sometimes. When you see someone in a horrible situation that they didn’t deserve.
    I take comfort in the thought that God knows all. He gives every one of us an equal chance. He judges us by our own capacity and his mercy is endless. So it’s never hopeless – we can always have hope.
    power to the local dreamer ||-//

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Life definitely isn’t fair. It never was and will never be. Unfortunately, that is the ultimate truth. It is very difficult, but accepting that as a fact does bring on peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think sometimes you just have to take in a deep breath and let things be…. because if you stress over the smallest things you’ll go crazy ( I’ve learned that through experience) its okay… the world is cruel but God isn’t💚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. There is so much in the world that isn’t fair – every day it is a struggle to hear the trials and tribulations, whether we recount our own or listen to others. It wasn’t always like this – life was not always so hard and hearing the news while working today and the recounting of the two mass shootings tells me that people are stressed out, unable to handle the stresses and worries and life in general of society today – it wasn’t always like this. No peer pressure, no need to lash out at those around us. Take care of yourself Eliza.

    Liked by 1 person

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