I’m just re-reading the last letter, 2nd to last actually, that I wrote to myself. I really need to hear it at the moment.

I’m tired. I just did something really stupid. I chose to do something stupid. I’d eaten way too much junk and was feeling nauseous….. and however much I’m trying to be healthy with food and not do anything about it if I eat too much, it’s also not something I’m really trying to stay away from. So now I want to mess up. It’s interesting for me to see, for I don’t think throwing up usually makes me want to mess up so badly, but now it does – or not it has. And it’s my own actions that has brought me here. I’m just tired. And I need to be journaling and dealing with what’s going on more than I have been doing.

Hold on Eliza, always. It is worth it. This journey is worth it. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs. It’s a journey of learning,. Of learning who you are. Remember that letter you wrote to yourself about the journey? It is a journey. One I am so grateful you are taking. It so could have been otherwise. You could have given in any point along the way. Yet, you didn’t. You held on.

You held on.

Hold on to life Eliza. Hold on to how worth it you, and this journey you are travelling, is and will be.

I’m looking forward to being with you on this ride. You are one of the most awesome people I have met and I’m looking forward to getting to know you. I’m looking forward to discovering who you are. I’m looking forward. To see where life can and will take us.

Just hold on.

letter to myself

Just hold on. I know it will pass. I know it always does pass. I know the only way for it to pass is for me to live with it, live through it, and let it be. I know I’ve done it before. I know I can do it now too. I’m tired. And tomorrow is another day.

25 thoughts on “Hold on

  1. Thank you for sharing this.
    I too am there. Have been there. Ups and downs. Ready to let go of it all.
    Remembering that it is worth it as you are.

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  2. You can hold on, you’ve been through it before & you know you can get through anything. For what it’s worth, I know the whole eaten-too-much-feel-like-hell thing quite well. I used to have bulimia and binge-eating was a difficult monster to fight. I love that letter – you really are awesome & you deserve more happiness in your life, which you can give to yourself. I really hope today is a bit brighter for you lovely  ♥
    Caz xx

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    1. Thanks! Today is easier.
      Food isn’t really something I’m trying to deal with at the moment. I don’t mind that it’s an issue, I mind more that is messed with my head.
      ((hugs))
      How was your week?

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  3. We need less things in our heads messing with them!
    Things are just quite slow this week with me trying to catch up but totally exhausted & in lots of pain. But I’m still going! 🙂
    How did your healing energies/reflexology go? xx

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    1. 😦 I hate when you’re in pain (though I feel like that is way too constant).
      It was interesting and I think good, more like I have no clue so gonna believe it was good. I was feeling icky before- physically- and after she left it was a bit better. Come to think of it I haven’t been dizzy in the past 2 days but that doesn’t have to mean anything.

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        1. Yes, arranged for another one next week. I found it helpful how one of the main things is framing your goals into positive statements so that you can be energetically able to aim for that. That in and of itself was helpful, although not the point of energy work at all, to think of the statements. One of my goals is kinda a negative one – as in what shouldn’t be rather than what should be, but it’s the only way to frame it. Does this make any sense? Meaning am I explaining what I mean?

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        2. By the way I’m not sure if my comment on your blog went through. I was referring to the comment on what helps when freaking out, not sure how you link things when on the phone…
          Sending hugs and healing energy your way.

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      1. I was not getting a lot of sleep – you are right, however, since the episode with the red blotches on my legs on the 4th of July, I have been going to bed much earlier to elevate my legs – that episode really worried me. Plus we have had a lot of stormy weather – we have more stormy weather tonight and early tomorrow plus every day through Sunday. This heat wave will be spiking the temps to the mid-90s F (35 C) with a 10-degree higher heat index.

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        1. How about we both go to bed the same time on different continents? I want you to get enough sleep!
          Shabbat is throwing my schedule out of whack and there isn’t really anything I can do about it:( just wait for winter.

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          1. I’m sorry to say that I am now thinking Fall and even Winter is looking good. I am getting more sleep and I want to get more sleep too because that whole legs thing scared me, but last night I lingered here as there were no immediate thunderstorms … this morning it is already hot and hunmid … I know I will not go out this Saturday – a hot and stormy day with a “real feel” beginning Friday afternoon and through Saturday of 105 degrees (40 C). I am uploading some pics to Shutterfly from yesdterday’s walk. Do you remember the post I sent you of the squirrel hanging out in the tree with legs dangling down – saw a squirrel doing that yesterday so going to include him/her in a post today or tomorrow about the heat – not sure what day as we are having storms every afternoon/evening and been really busy at work and stayed a little later last night again.

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            1. I hope that instead of this summer/winter business you just get some nice weather.
              Looking forward to seeing the pictures………
              Hope today is a peaceful and relaxing day
              Love, light and glitter

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          1. Thanks Eliza – today was really hot and my computer had a meltdown this afternoon. It works for all programs but work – not great news. The moon and stars must not be alignment these days!

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              1. Hi Eliza -I am quite behind here in comments, Reader and e-mail as well. I had a project to finish at work and trying to get it done yesterday around three storms. Two were during work hours and I unplugged the laptop to work and I finally shut down as another storm was coming through.
                While I was lucky, neighboring cities were not and 100,000 people are without power today on what they are saying is the hottest day for 100 million people in the U.S. – we were supposed to tie the old record of 1977 which got to 97 degrees but they think we will be just shy of it. I hope to write a post today if I can get thru comments and write a post before the storm arrives. More storms tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday beautiful (or so they say). I worry about the power and the severeity of the storm – the wind was pretty strong (70 mph) (112 kmh) when most of the trees knocked down power lines. Not. A. Fan. Of. This. Weather.

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