I’m creating this as another blog site. I wonder if it’s a good idea or not. I wonder if I’m crazy. I wonder if I’ll regret it. The past week so much has been going through my mind. I’ve been struggling a lot and a lot has happened – in my head – and I’ve been wanting some place to put it all down. Every time I ramble on my site – https://elizareasonstolive.com I feel guilty. For the site is meant to be about reasons. Were it posts about life, that are reasons to live, even if indirectly so, I wouldn’t feel as guilty. But writing about the struggle not to use cocodamol? Or writing about the therapist I saw a few times who offered touch and when I freaked about it told me she couldn’t work with me as she wasn’t attuned to me – without waiting to hear that I actually appreciated the offer, I just waited to find out that it wasn’t crossing boundaries (which it wasn’t). About the journey to find a therapist. About what I want from life (to know what’s going on in my world!). I honestly feel like I’ll be boring anyone who reads this to death. Yet I want to do this. I want a space to write. I want a space to be. I want to find a space that maybe I’ll feel just a tad less alone. I wonder if this will help. I wonder if this blog will come to life or not. I wish I could write more on my site. I wish I could think of more reasons to live. I want to. I really want to. At the moment when every moment is a struggle I can’t. It’s not even such a struggle, for there’s just such distance – between me and the world, between me and myself. When I try dialogue journaling which often helps, I just meet the nothingness, the real ‘nothing’ that there’s nothing there at the moment. I know it’s both positive and negative. I never edit what I write. It’s also just freeflow. I plan on continuing that here. Maybe here I’ll feel okay to do the quote challenges and things that I like and often see.
Anyways, this post is meant to be an introduction to this site. I wasn’t sure what to title it. Journey through life. Journey to life. So I did both. The tagline of my other site is ‘journey from suicidality’. I thought it apropos to call this ‘journey to life’. It IS about that. About my journey to life. I’m not about to end my life. I don’t want to be here. I want to get to a place where it’s about living. About loving life. For as my tagline goes, well one of my taglines ;), so long as there’s life, there’s hope.
I’d really love your support and guidance here. If you ever have any, thanks in advance…
Love, light and glitter